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Entertainment & Culture Discussion / Daymond John And His Trinbagonian Connection.
« on: October 17, 2013, 11:41:33 AM »3
Entertainment & Culture Discussion / Wyclef shot in hand in Haiti
« on: March 20, 2011, 09:35:30 AM »
Rapper Wyclef Jean has been shot in the hand in his native Haiti.
The former Fugees star, who lives in the U.S., travelled to the country earlier this week to lend his support to presidential candidate Michel Martelly as he prepares for the final round of elections against former First Lady Mirlande Manigat on Sunday.
Reports emerged shortly after midnight on Sunday suggesting Jean's car had come under attack and was peppered with bullets as he was being driven through the city of Port-au-Prince with hip-hop pal Busta Rhymes and record executive Jimmy Rosemond.
The guitarist's hand was injured in the shoot out, although he is said to be in a stable condition after seeking medical attention at a local hospital.
No other passengers are thought to have been injured during the incident.
A photo appearing to show Jean lying on a hospital bed with his right hand bandaged and his left hand covering his face has since emerged online.
Confirming the shooting via a post on Twitter.com, his representatives write, "We have spoken to Wyclef, he is ok. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers - Management."
Jean was himself a presidential hopeful, but was ruled ineligible to run for office last year.
The news of Jean's shooting comes hours after exiled former Haitian president Jean-Bertrand Aristide arrived in the country on Saturday.
Hollywood actor Danny Glover had jetted to South Africa to accompany Aristide back to his earthquake-ravaged homeland, seven years after being ousted from power following a rebellion in 2004.
Source: http://jam.canoe.ca/Music/2011/03/20/17688976-wenn-story.html
The former Fugees star, who lives in the U.S., travelled to the country earlier this week to lend his support to presidential candidate Michel Martelly as he prepares for the final round of elections against former First Lady Mirlande Manigat on Sunday.
Reports emerged shortly after midnight on Sunday suggesting Jean's car had come under attack and was peppered with bullets as he was being driven through the city of Port-au-Prince with hip-hop pal Busta Rhymes and record executive Jimmy Rosemond.
The guitarist's hand was injured in the shoot out, although he is said to be in a stable condition after seeking medical attention at a local hospital.
No other passengers are thought to have been injured during the incident.
A photo appearing to show Jean lying on a hospital bed with his right hand bandaged and his left hand covering his face has since emerged online.
Confirming the shooting via a post on Twitter.com, his representatives write, "We have spoken to Wyclef, he is ok. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers - Management."
Jean was himself a presidential hopeful, but was ruled ineligible to run for office last year.
The news of Jean's shooting comes hours after exiled former Haitian president Jean-Bertrand Aristide arrived in the country on Saturday.
Hollywood actor Danny Glover had jetted to South Africa to accompany Aristide back to his earthquake-ravaged homeland, seven years after being ousted from power following a rebellion in 2004.
Source: http://jam.canoe.ca/Music/2011/03/20/17688976-wenn-story.html
4
Jokes / breasts or legs
« on: September 01, 2010, 10:02:31 AM »
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I liked breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved snatch.
Apparently, I'm not welcome back at KFC.
She asked me if I liked breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved snatch.
Apparently, I'm not welcome back at KFC.
5
General Discussion / Dad raped daughters for 27 years
« on: November 25, 2008, 07:22:21 PM »
It real have sick people oui.
(CNN) -- A British man was jailed Tuesday for raping two of his daughters and fathering nine children over 27 years, a case with echoes of Austria's Josef Fritzl.
The two daughters were made pregnant 19 times; there were nine births, five miscarriages and five terminations. Seven of the children are alive but suffer genetic deformities.
The father, who cannot be named for legal reasons banning the identification of his victims and the surviving children, pleaded guilty Tuesday at Sheffield Crown Court, northern England, and was sentenced to serve 25 life sentences to run concurrently.
The judge said the minimum term the 56-year-old rapist should serve in jail should be 19½ years.
South Yorkshire Police Chief Superintendent Simon Torr said, "The victims of these terrible crimes have asked me to state the following: 'His detention in prison brings us only the knowledge that he cannot physically touch us again. The suffering he has caused will continue for many years, and we must now concentrate our thoughts on finding the strength to rebuild our lives.' "
Speaking for the police, Torr added, "The main concern ... is for those who have been so badly affected: the victims who have suffered a terrible ordeal. We will continue to offer them our full support to try and help them get on with their lives.
"As far as the sentence goes, we are satisfied that this offender has received the strongest possible punishment for his heinous crimes. Now we need to ensure continuing support for those who have suffered as a result of his actions."
The daughters first told police about their ordeal in June, but the abuse dated to 1981.
It emerged that in 1998 one daughter rang Childline, a charity to help abused kids, and asked for assurances about being able to keep her children if she came forward. When Childline could not make that guarantee, the daughter did nothing more to raise her plight. Video Watch how the case came to light »
The UK's Press Association reported that the rapes began in 1981 with daily attacks and that for long periods, they would be raped up to three times a week, and the assaults would continue through pregnancies. Their only reprieve came after they had just given birth or when they were ill because of the abuse.
If either daughter tried to refuse their father's attacks, they would be punched, kicked and or held to the flames of a gas fire, burning their eyes and arms, PA reported.
Despite visiting hospitals and meeting with social workers over the 27 years of abuse, no investigation was launched into the family.
advertisement
The case comes in the wake of the death of a baby, known only as Baby P, which has dominated headlines in Britain. The baby endured horrendous torture and died despite being on the local authority's child protection register.
In Austria this year, Josef Fritzl was arrested, accused of keeping his daughter in a basement dungeon and fathering seven children through the rapes
(CNN) -- A British man was jailed Tuesday for raping two of his daughters and fathering nine children over 27 years, a case with echoes of Austria's Josef Fritzl.
The two daughters were made pregnant 19 times; there were nine births, five miscarriages and five terminations. Seven of the children are alive but suffer genetic deformities.
The father, who cannot be named for legal reasons banning the identification of his victims and the surviving children, pleaded guilty Tuesday at Sheffield Crown Court, northern England, and was sentenced to serve 25 life sentences to run concurrently.
The judge said the minimum term the 56-year-old rapist should serve in jail should be 19½ years.
South Yorkshire Police Chief Superintendent Simon Torr said, "The victims of these terrible crimes have asked me to state the following: 'His detention in prison brings us only the knowledge that he cannot physically touch us again. The suffering he has caused will continue for many years, and we must now concentrate our thoughts on finding the strength to rebuild our lives.' "
Speaking for the police, Torr added, "The main concern ... is for those who have been so badly affected: the victims who have suffered a terrible ordeal. We will continue to offer them our full support to try and help them get on with their lives.
"As far as the sentence goes, we are satisfied that this offender has received the strongest possible punishment for his heinous crimes. Now we need to ensure continuing support for those who have suffered as a result of his actions."
The daughters first told police about their ordeal in June, but the abuse dated to 1981.
It emerged that in 1998 one daughter rang Childline, a charity to help abused kids, and asked for assurances about being able to keep her children if she came forward. When Childline could not make that guarantee, the daughter did nothing more to raise her plight. Video Watch how the case came to light »
The UK's Press Association reported that the rapes began in 1981 with daily attacks and that for long periods, they would be raped up to three times a week, and the assaults would continue through pregnancies. Their only reprieve came after they had just given birth or when they were ill because of the abuse.
If either daughter tried to refuse their father's attacks, they would be punched, kicked and or held to the flames of a gas fire, burning their eyes and arms, PA reported.
Despite visiting hospitals and meeting with social workers over the 27 years of abuse, no investigation was launched into the family.
advertisement
The case comes in the wake of the death of a baby, known only as Baby P, which has dominated headlines in Britain. The baby endured horrendous torture and died despite being on the local authority's child protection register.
In Austria this year, Josef Fritzl was arrested, accused of keeping his daughter in a basement dungeon and fathering seven children through the rapes
6
Jokes / birds and the bees
« on: November 24, 2008, 11:05:48 AM »
Not sure if this was already posted.
A father asked his ten-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"
Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed,
"When I was six, I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for!"
A father asked his ten-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"
Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed,
"When I was six, I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for!"
7
General Discussion / FYI - Common bedroom blunders
« on: November 04, 2008, 08:13:41 AM »
Mistakes He Makes
Big Mistake #1: Not Enough Touching
Fix it: Women love affection and intimacy, and giving lots to your partner (and all of the time, not just when you want sex) is the best way to get more sex. Kissing, massage, cuddling are all easy ways to increase intimacy -- and make your partner more receptive to your more carnal desires.
Big Mistake #2: Poor Personal Grooming
Fix it: Rough, unkempt facial hair consistently rates as one of the biggest turn-offs in bed. Hard stubble makes kissing and oral sex rather prickly. Likewise, long and/or dirty fingernails do not a sexy partner make, so invest in regular 'man-scaping' to make sure you're a hit with the ladies.
Big Mistake #3: Taking Things too Fast
Fix it: It's safer to err on the side off too much than too little when it comes to getting your lover warmed up. It's better for her (and for your ego) to be begging you to take her than for her to have to fake an orgasm which many women do when foreplay hasn't taken them to the edge.
Big Mistake #4: A 'Helping' Hand During Oral
Fix it: Alert: women don't like it when you shove their head down on your penis during oral. Guys, if you'd like to get more mouth action from your lover, cease and desist this practice at once. Other oral offenses include: thrusting, not warning the woman that you're about to climax, and not kissing her afterwards (It's OK for my mouth, but it's not OK for yours?)
Big Mistake #5: Zeroing in on the Obvious Bits
Fix it: The skin is the body's biggest sexual organ, yet one that is constantly overlooked by lovers who choose to focus on the obvious bits. Women like to be touched and caressed all over, and most women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. Banish this bedroom blunder by exploring your lover from head to toe.
Big Mistake #6: Oops, Wrong Hole!
Fix it: Guys, women know that attempting anal sex is no accident. If you'd like to try this move, discuss it with your partner first. It requires a bit more... preparation than regular sex, so don't think that aiming wide of your usual mark will grant you backstage access.
Mistakes She Makes
Big Mistake #1: Being Overly Self-conscious
Fix it: Low self-esteem and poor body image are often at the core of this common bedroom dilemma, so fixing things can take time. Ladies, lower the lights and let your partner watch you undress; wearing sexy lingerie can help you 'act the part' too. Guys, reassure your lover by always telling her that she is beautiful and desirable.
Big Mistake #2: Lack of Initiative/Sense of Adventure
Fix it: Men often bemoan the fact that women rarely initiate sex and that most ladies are loath to try something new. This, for many women, is intrinsically linked to a lack of sexual confidence. Help coax out your lover's inner vixen by gently easing her into new empowering sexual experiences; your encouragement will help her become more dominant and experimental in the boudoir.
Big Mistake #3: Being Too Rough
Fix it: No lube during hand jobs, yanking at the penis, overly vigorous sucking and, God forbid, using your teeth during oral -- these actions all rate as big bedroom no-nos for women. Girls, guys love it when you take control, but next time instead of strangling his trouser snake, ask him how he likes the pressure, speed, suction, and /or friction of your action.
Big Mistake #4: Keeping Quiet During Sex
Fix it: Most men love to hear a woman enjoying herself in bed, sexy, breathless noises and all. They also like confidence-building feedback about what's working for you in bed so don't be shy when it comes to vocalizing your enjoyment of the experience.
Big Mistake #5: Acting like Semen is Poison
Fix it: Many women find the idea of swallowing semen less than appealing, but rather than shattering your partner's sexual confidence by acting like his man-seed is poison, come up with a way to deal with the cum, once it's, er, come. Discretely spit it into a tissue, or get your partner to cum elsewhere on your body instead.
Big Mistake #6: Faking It
Fix it: Faking an orgasm doesn't do anyone any favors; your guy still thinks he's God's gift, and you're left feeling desperately unsatisfied -- and resentful. Life's too short to be having bad sex and making out like you're enjoying it. If your partner's not pushing your buttons, for crying out loud tell him!
Big Mistake #1: Not Enough Touching
Fix it: Women love affection and intimacy, and giving lots to your partner (and all of the time, not just when you want sex) is the best way to get more sex. Kissing, massage, cuddling are all easy ways to increase intimacy -- and make your partner more receptive to your more carnal desires.
Big Mistake #2: Poor Personal Grooming
Fix it: Rough, unkempt facial hair consistently rates as one of the biggest turn-offs in bed. Hard stubble makes kissing and oral sex rather prickly. Likewise, long and/or dirty fingernails do not a sexy partner make, so invest in regular 'man-scaping' to make sure you're a hit with the ladies.
Big Mistake #3: Taking Things too Fast
Fix it: It's safer to err on the side off too much than too little when it comes to getting your lover warmed up. It's better for her (and for your ego) to be begging you to take her than for her to have to fake an orgasm which many women do when foreplay hasn't taken them to the edge.
Big Mistake #4: A 'Helping' Hand During Oral
Fix it: Alert: women don't like it when you shove their head down on your penis during oral. Guys, if you'd like to get more mouth action from your lover, cease and desist this practice at once. Other oral offenses include: thrusting, not warning the woman that you're about to climax, and not kissing her afterwards (It's OK for my mouth, but it's not OK for yours?)
Big Mistake #5: Zeroing in on the Obvious Bits
Fix it: The skin is the body's biggest sexual organ, yet one that is constantly overlooked by lovers who choose to focus on the obvious bits. Women like to be touched and caressed all over, and most women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. Banish this bedroom blunder by exploring your lover from head to toe.
Big Mistake #6: Oops, Wrong Hole!
Fix it: Guys, women know that attempting anal sex is no accident. If you'd like to try this move, discuss it with your partner first. It requires a bit more... preparation than regular sex, so don't think that aiming wide of your usual mark will grant you backstage access.
Mistakes She Makes
Big Mistake #1: Being Overly Self-conscious
Fix it: Low self-esteem and poor body image are often at the core of this common bedroom dilemma, so fixing things can take time. Ladies, lower the lights and let your partner watch you undress; wearing sexy lingerie can help you 'act the part' too. Guys, reassure your lover by always telling her that she is beautiful and desirable.
Big Mistake #2: Lack of Initiative/Sense of Adventure
Fix it: Men often bemoan the fact that women rarely initiate sex and that most ladies are loath to try something new. This, for many women, is intrinsically linked to a lack of sexual confidence. Help coax out your lover's inner vixen by gently easing her into new empowering sexual experiences; your encouragement will help her become more dominant and experimental in the boudoir.
Big Mistake #3: Being Too Rough
Fix it: No lube during hand jobs, yanking at the penis, overly vigorous sucking and, God forbid, using your teeth during oral -- these actions all rate as big bedroom no-nos for women. Girls, guys love it when you take control, but next time instead of strangling his trouser snake, ask him how he likes the pressure, speed, suction, and /or friction of your action.
Big Mistake #4: Keeping Quiet During Sex
Fix it: Most men love to hear a woman enjoying herself in bed, sexy, breathless noises and all. They also like confidence-building feedback about what's working for you in bed so don't be shy when it comes to vocalizing your enjoyment of the experience.
Big Mistake #5: Acting like Semen is Poison
Fix it: Many women find the idea of swallowing semen less than appealing, but rather than shattering your partner's sexual confidence by acting like his man-seed is poison, come up with a way to deal with the cum, once it's, er, come. Discretely spit it into a tissue, or get your partner to cum elsewhere on your body instead.
Big Mistake #6: Faking It
Fix it: Faking an orgasm doesn't do anyone any favors; your guy still thinks he's God's gift, and you're left feeling desperately unsatisfied -- and resentful. Life's too short to be having bad sex and making out like you're enjoying it. If your partner's not pushing your buttons, for crying out loud tell him!
8
General Discussion / FYI - Booty call etiquette
« on: November 04, 2008, 08:11:31 AM »
1. Brunch is the Enemy of the Booty Call
This may seem a little harsh but the one and only purpose of the Booty Call is to get off. Once you're done, get up, get dressed and go home. If you're having a Booty Call because you don't want to sleep alone, you're in dangerous territory and emotional involvement is lurking somewhere around the corner. If you end up sleeping over, there's only one place for things to go and that's brunch. Brunch is the enemy of the Booty Call. You didn't make the call because you wanted to chat over a cup of coffee. Your friends can supply you with that.
2. No Timetables
So... you've called your Booty Call Cohort (BCC) every Saturday night for the past two months? Bad move! The key to successful Booty Calling is to keep things uncomplicated, relaxed and elastic. If you make the call on a schedule, things are going to get very stale very fast. And if you wanted stale sex, you would just go ahead and get married .
3. No Meeting in Public
Again, this may seem a little harsh, but this rule is definitely a good one to follow. Remember this: meeting your BCC in public is called "a date." You and your BCC should only live in an erotic fantasy world that doesn't exist outside of the bedroom.
4. Look Good
No, it's not a date. But you're still going to have to make an effort to look and smell good. Make sure your Booty Calls get accepted by staying on top of your outward appearance. After all, letting things slide with the way you present yourself is for those people in long-term relationships.
5. Expect Nothing
If your BCC stops calling you or stops accepting your calls, don't take it personally. Remember, it was never a personal relationship to begin with.
6. Be Open & Honest
I know this sounds dangerously like "relationship talk" but trust me, as long as you and your BCC know where things stand right off the top, and then you won't have to deal with any real relationship talks later on. Just be tactful and make sure that you're both on the same page.
7. Be Safe
It's the 21st century: should I really have to go into this? Just remember to protect yourself so you can enjoy Booty Calls well into your golden years.
8. Timing
No calls before 9:30 pm. No calls after 1:30 am. The Booty Call is definitely not for everyone. You have to be able to draw a distinction between the emotional and the sexual. But if you do it right, the good times are guaranteed. Just remember: don't call collect.
This may seem a little harsh but the one and only purpose of the Booty Call is to get off. Once you're done, get up, get dressed and go home. If you're having a Booty Call because you don't want to sleep alone, you're in dangerous territory and emotional involvement is lurking somewhere around the corner. If you end up sleeping over, there's only one place for things to go and that's brunch. Brunch is the enemy of the Booty Call. You didn't make the call because you wanted to chat over a cup of coffee. Your friends can supply you with that.
2. No Timetables
So... you've called your Booty Call Cohort (BCC) every Saturday night for the past two months? Bad move! The key to successful Booty Calling is to keep things uncomplicated, relaxed and elastic. If you make the call on a schedule, things are going to get very stale very fast. And if you wanted stale sex, you would just go ahead and get married .
3. No Meeting in Public
Again, this may seem a little harsh, but this rule is definitely a good one to follow. Remember this: meeting your BCC in public is called "a date." You and your BCC should only live in an erotic fantasy world that doesn't exist outside of the bedroom.
4. Look Good
No, it's not a date. But you're still going to have to make an effort to look and smell good. Make sure your Booty Calls get accepted by staying on top of your outward appearance. After all, letting things slide with the way you present yourself is for those people in long-term relationships.
5. Expect Nothing
If your BCC stops calling you or stops accepting your calls, don't take it personally. Remember, it was never a personal relationship to begin with.
6. Be Open & Honest
I know this sounds dangerously like "relationship talk" but trust me, as long as you and your BCC know where things stand right off the top, and then you won't have to deal with any real relationship talks later on. Just be tactful and make sure that you're both on the same page.
7. Be Safe
It's the 21st century: should I really have to go into this? Just remember to protect yourself so you can enjoy Booty Calls well into your golden years.
8. Timing
No calls before 9:30 pm. No calls after 1:30 am. The Booty Call is definitely not for everyone. You have to be able to draw a distinction between the emotional and the sexual. But if you do it right, the good times are guaranteed. Just remember: don't call collect.
9
General Discussion / Google Chrome - thoughts?
« on: September 04, 2008, 01:59:05 PM »
Anyone started using the Google Chrome browser yet. I'm a huge fan of Firefox, but this chrome seems to be much faster and very user friendly. To cookie or not to cookie.. that's the questions.. incognito baby!
11
Jokes / College girl tells mom she's gay.
« on: July 17, 2008, 06:57:04 AM »
A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.
Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"
"Well... yes."
Still without looking up: "Does that mean lick women down below?"
Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped:
"Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"
Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"
"Well... yes."
Still without looking up: "Does that mean lick women down below?"
Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped:
"Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"
12
Jokes / Gas Worries.
« on: July 08, 2008, 06:07:39 AM »
I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt ...
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt ...
13
Jokes / is time you know where baby does come from.
« on: June 24, 2008, 07:08:15 PM »
A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" "Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"
14
Jokes / 3 old fellas
« on: June 17, 2008, 08:30:10 AM »
Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning, I cut my face." The second old man said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers." The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a pee yesterday, I came three times!"
15
Jokes / Men DO Remember Anniversaries
« on: June 04, 2008, 06:36:42 AM »
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?", he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember," said his wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that, too," she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said ... "I would have gotten out today."
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?", he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember," said his wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that, too," she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said ... "I would have gotten out today."
16
Jokes / 2 quickies
« on: May 19, 2008, 05:25:08 AM »
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
========================================>
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But, Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
========================================>
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But, Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
18
Jokes / Homer and Daisy
« on: April 18, 2008, 06:23:12 AM »
A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'.
In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.
Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office.
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin' season started!"
In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.
Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office.
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin' season started!"
19
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.
He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.
The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.
He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.
The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"
20
Jokes / 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
« on: April 14, 2008, 10:55:33 AM »A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
21
Jokes / Please pray for him.
« on: April 11, 2008, 11:49:08 AM »
Bob was in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, "tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE
THERE!!"
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there
was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, "tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE
THERE!!"
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there
was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
22
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. "Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. "Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
23
Jokes / Roger and his bike.
« on: April 10, 2008, 09:10:31 AM »
Roger wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day;
he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Traci, invites him over to meet her parents and her sister Sandra.
Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Traci stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the f**king dishes!"
he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Traci, invites him over to meet her parents and her sister Sandra.
Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Traci stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the f**king dishes!"
24
Jokes / Horse and the chicken
« on: April 10, 2008, 09:06:07 AM »A horse and a chicken live together on a farm and are good buddies. One day they are playing around out in a field when the horse falls into a mud hole and can't get out.
"Go get the farmer", he tells the chicken.
The chicken runs to the barnyard, but the farmer is nowhere to be found. So, the chicken jumps in the Mercedes and drives out to the field, ties a rope on the bumper, and throws the end of the rope to the horse .The horse grabs the rope and the chicken drives ahead, pulling the horse out of the mud hole.
A few days later the horse and the chicken are out playing in the field again, and the chicken falls into the mud hole and can't get out.
"Go get the farmer", yells the chicken.
"No need", says the horse. "I'll straddle the hole and you just grab onto my thingy and I'll pull you out." The chicken does as it's told and is pulled from the mud hole.
MORAL of the story is:
"If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks."
25
General Discussion / Why allyuh Trinis so?/Trini Scams Yale U of Thousands of $
« on: April 10, 2008, 06:29:35 AM »26
General Discussion / Pakistan's former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto assassinated!
« on: December 27, 2007, 10:27:12 AM »
That place in a mess: http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/12/27/pakistan.bhutto/index.html
27
Football / Ones to watch in 2008?
« on: December 24, 2007, 12:33:30 PM »
Came across this article on : http://soccernet.espn.go.com/columns/story?id=492537&root=europe&cc=5901
2007, like every year before it, has seen a number of talented young players emerge from the shadows to stake their claim in European football.
The likes of Sergie Aguero at Atletico Madrid, Anderson at Manchester United and Barcelona's Giovani Dos Santos have all used the past year to elevate their careers, and 2008 will be no different.
With a host of emerging stars plying their trade across Europe, here's a few to watch out for in the coming year:
Alexandre Pato (AC Milan)
Alex 'The Duck' as they like to call him in his native Brazil first shot to fame playing for Internacional in 2006. The young striker led the side to their first Under 20 Championship title, finishing as the competition's top scorer in the process, before being called up to the Brazilian U18 side. Starring in the Sendai Cup in Japan, Pato began to make waves and was even linked with a move to Europe, despite being only 17-years-old.
Internacional managed to negotiate an extra year's contract for him (containing a €22million release clause), but were unable to dissuade the interest of AC Milan, who paid up and got their man in August. Yet to play for Milan due to Italian football regulations that state non-EU minors may not be registered in Italy before the transfer window opens again, Pato will burst onto the scene in January in the hope of turning around an already faltering Scudetto campaign. Few would bet against the youngster having a similar impact to that of another Brazilian import, Kaka, in the future.
Bojan Krkic (Barcelona)
With so many stars at Barcelona, it speaks volumes that young Serbian Krkic has already made his mark on the first team at the tender age of 17. Keeping Ronaldinho on the bench in recent games, Krkic has starred alongside fellow youngster Geovani Dos Santos and looks set to establish himself as a real star of La Liga.
Finishing as joint top-scorer in the European U17 Championship in 2006, when he was only 15, the striker may be small, but boasts exceptional technique and has already proved himself to be above the level played by the reserves. With Lionel Messi to learn from, the sky really is the limit and this season has already seen Krkic score twice in his 12 appearances (9 as sub). His only problem appears to be choosing whether to play for Spain or Serbia when he is eventually called up to a senior side.
Toni Kroos (Bayern Munich)
Another youngster to have starred in the U17 World Cup, Kroos took home the Golden Ball after he was named the tournament's best player. He also scored five goals to establish himself as a bright prospect for the future. This season, however, he has really shone and has leapt ahead of established internationals in the Bayern squad to break into the first team at only 17-years-old. With rumours of dressing room unrest at the German giants, Kroos could be exactly what the club need in their midfield and will surely get more of a chance to impress in 2008.
Not content with one emerging youngster, Bayern have also snapped up 18-year-old Sao Paulo defender Breno, one of the stars of this year's Brazilian Championship, for a fee of around £9million. Beating off competition from the likes of Real Madrid and AC Milan, Bayern may have landed themselves a gem. Young and exceptionally talented, Breno has fellow countryman Lucio to learn from in the heart of the Bayern defence and much is expected of him.
Armand Traore (Arsenal)
Arsene Wenger may have a number of young stars getting the headlines in England, but in French left-back Traore he has virtually a carbon copy of the player already in that position, Gael Clichy. Fast, comfortable on the ball and with great stamina, Traore has seized his chance in the Carling Cup and Champions League and looks capable of fighting Clichy for a first-team berth in the near future.
Mexican youngster Carlos Vela is another who may be in Wenger's first-team plans sooner than expected. The striker will qualify for a Spanish passport in January 2008 and, impressing on loan at Osasuna, may be re-called. Keen to make his name at the Emirates, the pivotal figure in the U17 World Cup back in 2005 has a lot of hype to live up to.
Scott Sinclair (Chelsea)
With Arsenal's Theo Walcott taking up much of the newspaper talk, despite not having established himself at the Premier League leaders, Blues midfielder Sinclair may have escaped the attention of many. Being sent out on loan for much of 2007, the England U19 winger will be keen to get more of a chance to impress in the Chelsea line-up. He has some stiff competition to get past but, given the opportunity, Sinclair could certainly impress in the forthcoming year if he can build on a good performance against Liverpool in the Carling Cup.
Oscar Ustari (Getafe)
With 35-year-old Argentine stopper Roberto Abbondanzieri close to retirement, Ustari is next in line to take over his mantle for club and country. The 21-year-old goalkeeper had been tracked by both Manchester United and Barcelona before swapping Argentine football for Getafe in July for around €6million, but could now move on in search of regular football with the Spanish club keen for him to gain more experience. Ustari has already tasted international football, as he was called up to the Argentina squad for the 2006 World Cup, and has all the attributes to succeed if he can improve his playing time.
Macauley Chrisantus (HSV)
Yet to make his debut for the club he signed for in November, the Nigerian U17 star set pulses racing across Europe with his performances in the U17 World Cup. Finishing the tournament with the Golden Boot, the striker had attracted the attention of Arsenal, Manchester City and Ajax before signing for the German side. Certainly a player that falls into the 'developing' category, 2008 could be the year in which the Nigerian explodes onto the European scene.
Sebastian Giovinco (Juventus)
One of the most exciting prospects in Italian football, the diminutive striker is in the mould of Juve legend Alessandro Del Piero and has played for his country since U16 level. The 20-year-old is one of a number of talented young Italians, including Giuseppe Rossi and Giampaolo Pazzini currently making their names in Europe. Giovinco will return to Juve next year after impressing on loan at Empoli, especially with his dead-ball abilities, and should be a fixture in the famous 'Number 10' shirt for years to come.
Luis Suarez (Ajax Amsterdam)
Ajax have a history of blooding impressive young players through their youth system, although in 20-year-old Uruguayan Suarez, they paid FC Groningen €7.5million for the privilege. The money was well worth it though, as Suarez has scored nine goals for the Amsterdam club since his arrival in August. Considered one of the brightest prospects ever to come out of Uruguay, the striker is certainly in the right place to continue his development.
2007, like every year before it, has seen a number of talented young players emerge from the shadows to stake their claim in European football.
The likes of Sergie Aguero at Atletico Madrid, Anderson at Manchester United and Barcelona's Giovani Dos Santos have all used the past year to elevate their careers, and 2008 will be no different.
With a host of emerging stars plying their trade across Europe, here's a few to watch out for in the coming year:
Alexandre Pato (AC Milan)
Alex 'The Duck' as they like to call him in his native Brazil first shot to fame playing for Internacional in 2006. The young striker led the side to their first Under 20 Championship title, finishing as the competition's top scorer in the process, before being called up to the Brazilian U18 side. Starring in the Sendai Cup in Japan, Pato began to make waves and was even linked with a move to Europe, despite being only 17-years-old.
Internacional managed to negotiate an extra year's contract for him (containing a €22million release clause), but were unable to dissuade the interest of AC Milan, who paid up and got their man in August. Yet to play for Milan due to Italian football regulations that state non-EU minors may not be registered in Italy before the transfer window opens again, Pato will burst onto the scene in January in the hope of turning around an already faltering Scudetto campaign. Few would bet against the youngster having a similar impact to that of another Brazilian import, Kaka, in the future.
Bojan Krkic (Barcelona)
With so many stars at Barcelona, it speaks volumes that young Serbian Krkic has already made his mark on the first team at the tender age of 17. Keeping Ronaldinho on the bench in recent games, Krkic has starred alongside fellow youngster Geovani Dos Santos and looks set to establish himself as a real star of La Liga.
Finishing as joint top-scorer in the European U17 Championship in 2006, when he was only 15, the striker may be small, but boasts exceptional technique and has already proved himself to be above the level played by the reserves. With Lionel Messi to learn from, the sky really is the limit and this season has already seen Krkic score twice in his 12 appearances (9 as sub). His only problem appears to be choosing whether to play for Spain or Serbia when he is eventually called up to a senior side.
Toni Kroos (Bayern Munich)
Another youngster to have starred in the U17 World Cup, Kroos took home the Golden Ball after he was named the tournament's best player. He also scored five goals to establish himself as a bright prospect for the future. This season, however, he has really shone and has leapt ahead of established internationals in the Bayern squad to break into the first team at only 17-years-old. With rumours of dressing room unrest at the German giants, Kroos could be exactly what the club need in their midfield and will surely get more of a chance to impress in 2008.
Not content with one emerging youngster, Bayern have also snapped up 18-year-old Sao Paulo defender Breno, one of the stars of this year's Brazilian Championship, for a fee of around £9million. Beating off competition from the likes of Real Madrid and AC Milan, Bayern may have landed themselves a gem. Young and exceptionally talented, Breno has fellow countryman Lucio to learn from in the heart of the Bayern defence and much is expected of him.
Armand Traore (Arsenal)
Arsene Wenger may have a number of young stars getting the headlines in England, but in French left-back Traore he has virtually a carbon copy of the player already in that position, Gael Clichy. Fast, comfortable on the ball and with great stamina, Traore has seized his chance in the Carling Cup and Champions League and looks capable of fighting Clichy for a first-team berth in the near future.
Mexican youngster Carlos Vela is another who may be in Wenger's first-team plans sooner than expected. The striker will qualify for a Spanish passport in January 2008 and, impressing on loan at Osasuna, may be re-called. Keen to make his name at the Emirates, the pivotal figure in the U17 World Cup back in 2005 has a lot of hype to live up to.
Scott Sinclair (Chelsea)
With Arsenal's Theo Walcott taking up much of the newspaper talk, despite not having established himself at the Premier League leaders, Blues midfielder Sinclair may have escaped the attention of many. Being sent out on loan for much of 2007, the England U19 winger will be keen to get more of a chance to impress in the Chelsea line-up. He has some stiff competition to get past but, given the opportunity, Sinclair could certainly impress in the forthcoming year if he can build on a good performance against Liverpool in the Carling Cup.
Oscar Ustari (Getafe)
With 35-year-old Argentine stopper Roberto Abbondanzieri close to retirement, Ustari is next in line to take over his mantle for club and country. The 21-year-old goalkeeper had been tracked by both Manchester United and Barcelona before swapping Argentine football for Getafe in July for around €6million, but could now move on in search of regular football with the Spanish club keen for him to gain more experience. Ustari has already tasted international football, as he was called up to the Argentina squad for the 2006 World Cup, and has all the attributes to succeed if he can improve his playing time.
Macauley Chrisantus (HSV)
Yet to make his debut for the club he signed for in November, the Nigerian U17 star set pulses racing across Europe with his performances in the U17 World Cup. Finishing the tournament with the Golden Boot, the striker had attracted the attention of Arsenal, Manchester City and Ajax before signing for the German side. Certainly a player that falls into the 'developing' category, 2008 could be the year in which the Nigerian explodes onto the European scene.
Sebastian Giovinco (Juventus)
One of the most exciting prospects in Italian football, the diminutive striker is in the mould of Juve legend Alessandro Del Piero and has played for his country since U16 level. The 20-year-old is one of a number of talented young Italians, including Giuseppe Rossi and Giampaolo Pazzini currently making their names in Europe. Giovinco will return to Juve next year after impressing on loan at Empoli, especially with his dead-ball abilities, and should be a fixture in the famous 'Number 10' shirt for years to come.
Luis Suarez (Ajax Amsterdam)
Ajax have a history of blooding impressive young players through their youth system, although in 20-year-old Uruguayan Suarez, they paid FC Groningen €7.5million for the privilege. The money was well worth it though, as Suarez has scored nine goals for the Amsterdam club since his arrival in August. Considered one of the brightest prospects ever to come out of Uruguay, the striker is certainly in the right place to continue his development.
28
Jokes / Drinking ritual.
« on: November 06, 2007, 07:53:15 AM »
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home"!
He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home"!
29
Jokes / Frozen solid
« on: October 17, 2007, 11:03:04 AM »
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied, "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up". He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said," Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?" The daughter replies: "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied, "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up". He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said," Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?" The daughter replies: "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!
30
General Discussion / For the local based - things to know before we come for Christmas and Carnival
« on: October 17, 2007, 10:34:33 AM »
- NO! I don't know any white woman who wants to marry you so you cud get visa.
- I know the shoes nice.. leh we leave it on my foot nah!
- No me eh bring no "whiskey" from the cold
- Doh ask me for no small-change. I brokes juss like you.
- Don't introduce me as your fren from foreign. I eh want to get kidnap.
- Doh hail me out "Family, whey you bring fro meh" a simple hello would suffice.
- doh get vex if me eh impressed with the airport.
- if I pronounce meh "th" "er" etc, doh say I "fresh water" I did well in my english class.
- I eh even going to ask for maps. Leave allyuh to worry about getting a good driving surface first.
- Dem 2 new building in POS doh impress me, so please don't make it into a tourist attraction.
- when I decide to rough-up smallie behind the counter at KFC for stuepsin, doh ask me to cool it, or hide as if you shame.
- them low-rider car doh make sense when the road have bigger hole that the tank behind your house.
- doh ask me if I know so and so in the US or Canada. The place BIG, not like small village.
- save the schupid talk - I have more access to news about TnT than you with that spanish satellite feed you getting.
- No I eh know any white woman for you - ah getting vex now!
- I look like RBTT? Me eh buying no rongs for the fellas.
Ah sure allyuh could add some more.
- I know the shoes nice.. leh we leave it on my foot nah!
- No me eh bring no "whiskey" from the cold
- Doh ask me for no small-change. I brokes juss like you.
- Don't introduce me as your fren from foreign. I eh want to get kidnap.
- Doh hail me out "Family, whey you bring fro meh" a simple hello would suffice.
- doh get vex if me eh impressed with the airport.
- if I pronounce meh "th" "er" etc, doh say I "fresh water" I did well in my english class.
- I eh even going to ask for maps. Leave allyuh to worry about getting a good driving surface first.
- Dem 2 new building in POS doh impress me, so please don't make it into a tourist attraction.
- when I decide to rough-up smallie behind the counter at KFC for stuepsin, doh ask me to cool it, or hide as if you shame.
- them low-rider car doh make sense when the road have bigger hole that the tank behind your house.
- doh ask me if I know so and so in the US or Canada. The place BIG, not like small village.
- save the schupid talk - I have more access to news about TnT than you with that spanish satellite feed you getting.
- No I eh know any white woman for you - ah getting vex now!
- I look like RBTT? Me eh buying no rongs for the fellas.
Ah sure allyuh could add some more.
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