March 28, 2024, 08:50:45 AM

Author Topic: Andy Rooney Again  (Read 769 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline WestCoast

  • The obvious is that which is never seen until someone expresses it simply
  • Hero Warrior
  • *****
  • Posts: 16066
  • "Let We Do What We Normally Does" :)
    • View Profile
Andy Rooney Again
« on: March 02, 2007, 10:13:23 PM »
(CBS) Andy Rooney is known to millions for his wry, humorous and sometimes
       controversial essays that have been the signature end piece of 60 Minutes
       for decades:
 
       1. Rooney on Monica.
       Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week.  It seems like only
       yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands
       and knees.
 
       2. Rooney on Vegetarians.
       Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning " lousy hunter."
 
       3. Rooney on Prisoners.
       Did you know that it costs $40,000 a year to house each prisoner?
       Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my
       house.  I live in Los Angeles.   I already have bars on the windows.  I don't
       think we should give free room and board to criminals.  I think they should
       have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity.
       And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up
       to the generator.
 
       4. Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
       My wife uses fabric softener.  I never knew what that stuff was for.
       Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their
       breath,  "Married!" and walking away.  Fabric softeners are how our wives
       mark their  territory.  We can take off the ring.  But, it's hard to get that
       April Fresh scent out of your clothes.
 
       5. Rooney on morning differences.
       Men and women are different in the morning.  We men wake up aroused
       in the morning.  We can't help it.  We just wake up and we want you.  And
       the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?"
       It's because we can't see you.  We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
 
       6. Rooney on 'cripes'
       My wife's from the Midwest.  Very nice people there.  Very
       wholesome.  They use words like 'Cripes'  'For Cripes sake.'  Who would that be;
       Jesus  Cripes?  The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'?  I'm not
       making fun of it.  You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
 
       7. Rooney on Grandma.
       My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy
       Senior Citizen.'  You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do
       you? Out entering wet shawl contests.  Makes you wonder where she got
       that dollar she gave you for your birthday.
 
       8. Rooney on answering machines.
       Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's
       answering machine?  "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now.
       I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: 'Share the love'."
       BEEP
       "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling.  Speaking of being
       positive, your test results are back.  Stop sharing the love."
 
       "A day without laughter is a day wasted!"
Whatever you do, do it to the purpose; do it thoroughly, not superficially. Go to the bottom of things. Any thing half done, or half known, is in my mind, neither done nor known at all. Nay, worse, for it often misleads.
Lord Chesterfield
(1694 - 1773)

Offline d1onlysexysugar

  • Sr. Warrior
  • ****
  • Posts: 460
    • View Profile
Re: Andy Rooney Again
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2007, 02:55:00 PM »
damn lol  :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
little johnny strikes again  :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
ADM

Offline DeSoWa

  • Hero Warrior
  • *****
  • Posts: 3542
  • Life. Passion. FOOTBALL!
    • View Profile
Re: Andy Rooney Again
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2007, 04:43:19 PM »
damn lol  :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
little johnny strikes again  :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Huh  ???

but ah like dis one  :rotfl:
Warrior Nation Member

Forward Thinking does not mean you cannot reflect on the Past!

 

1]; } ?>