What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>>Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
>>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
>>The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
>>Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>>Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
>>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
>>A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
>>Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>>10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>>45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>>Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
>>They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
>>Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The
>>same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>>Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>>"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>>Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
>>Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>>Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>>A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They
>>named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
>>A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
>>They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
>>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
>>A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
>>No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
