The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
>be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was
>the other possibility.
>
>As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
>spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
>plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will
>replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
>joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
>konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
>
>There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the
>troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
>fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
>kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
>possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which
>have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
>horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go
>away.
>
>By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
>"z" and "w" with "v".
>
>During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
>and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
>mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
>Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
>
>Und nach dem fünften Jahr, wir werden alle Englisch sprechen
>