This is going to be a hard piece to write. I often come to this space not sure what is going to be the content that will fill it. This week, my uncertainty is even greater. It is not that there are not topics to be typed about, but can they be given added value?
Maybe I need a retooling of my game like some of India's besieged batsmen, befuddled by Aussie pace and swing down under.
So in my desperate effort to find something to make sense of, I read with greater vigilance on the weekend.
I latched onto something, I think.
"For the good of football, we need a team of invention, attacking ideas and style to emerge. Even if it doesn't win, it will inspire footballers of all ages everywhere. That is the greatest reward."
Those words of hope belonged to Dutch football icon Johan Cruyff and were uttered around the time of the 1998 World Cup in France. He was quoted in a book called: Brilliant Orange— The Neurotic Genius of Dutch Football.
A smile forced itself onto my face as I read his plea.
"Your Barca has answered your plea, Cruyffie," I said to myself.
In 2012, the Spanish side Cruyff elevated to stellar status, first as player in the 1970s and then as coach in the 1990s, has become just that kind of uplifting motivational force he had pleaded for in the game.
His words made me pause and ponder.
The Barcelona style and the Cruyff philosophy really belong to another time. That in the 21st century, a group of sportsmen can still play and succeed playing in a joyous, expressive way is a minor marvel. It is such a delicate balance to successfully combine the competitor's steel and the showman's panache.
The stylists lose often in our time: Brazil 1982; Trinidad All Stars with "Curry Tabanca" in 1987; Mighty Shadow in almost any year you care to call!
I feel like Cruyff to some degree. I prefer my winners to play with style rather than just play to win.
And as I am discovering in Brilliant Orange, the Dutch people on the whole are against winning "ugly".
The author, David Winner, declares: "To play in a beautiful, attacking way has become the eleventh commandment for the Dutch. Defensive tactics have been despised for a generation."
This book was published in 2000. The Netherlands' 2010 World Cup final losing performance against Spain was truly ugly, anti-football, anti-Dutch.
But set aside that campaign. Dutch football since the 1970s has been tagged to a clear philosophy. They play with attacking intent, based on keeping possession of the ball and attacking through the wings. The Dutchmen are ball players, not hoofers of the football.
Whether or not that style catches your fancy, reader, is up to you. But life, I find, is much more enjoyable and less complicated when you have a plan, believe in it and stick with the programme.
So why can't we be like that in the islands?
It seems that annually, with every change of coach, association president and CEO, the plan changes. Round and round, we keep going on the same spot. We not dizzy yet?
The lack of focus stood out yet again over the last couple days in football.
On Friday, the Federation, under its interim president, Lennox Watson, announced a new technical director (TD).
On Monday, I learned the Ministry of Sport's heralded talent identification programme has been put on hold.
For the record, Anton Corneal is now T&T's third TD within the last 12 months, following Lincoln Phillips and Keith Look Loy.
How long he will be given to roll out his plans, only time will tell. But I ask the question: Is it prudent for an interim president to be presiding over such a fundamental development?
Suppose in the Federation's elections, due this year, the current officers are not re-elected; what guarantee is there that Corneal will be kept on?
Listening to interim head man Watson speaking on radio about anticipating no more changes being necessary in the Federation following recent appointments (a new national coach being one outstanding vacancy), I was baffled.
With 13 players from the 2006 Soca Warriors doggedly fighting in court for their fair share of money the Federation claims it does not have, with its ex-special adviser being given an ultimatum to account for the World Cup money by February 10, and the Minister of Sport declaring since last year that no big salaries will be given for national coaches, I would have thought that a major reorganising of its internal structures would have been the Federation's priority.
Early elections to speed up the process would not have been out of place.
But it is almost as if while the ship has run aground and is taking on water fast, the captain continues to steer as if all is well.
How can that be?
The Sport Ministry, meanwhile, has been determined not to stand still.
Last November, Minister of Sport Anil Roberts announced a comprehensive talent identification programme for boys and girls under age 15. The programme was to involve the hiring of 41 coaches in 41 regions, along with assistant coaches, to locate talent and to run competitions to expose the youngsters to the wider fraternity— subject to the availability of funds.
That programme was supposed to get underway later this month. Not anymore.
According to the minister, that programme has been put on hold until the findings from the ministry-hosted national consultation—also held in November—had been disseminated to football's various interest groups for consultation.
He said the ministry decided to go in a "holistic" direction. This melding of two separate undertakings seems a complete change of tack.
But could it be that the talent identification programme was not as feasible as was thought, the way it had been initially drafted?
Could it be that the hiring of coaches could not take place until Cabinet approval had been given, and the necessary checks and balances were not in place?
Maybe the minister's "scouting for talent" dream will eventually become reality. Maybe not.
Perhaps the ministry's consultation document will lead to a more streamlined running of the game. Perhaps not.
Who can be sure about anything in this place, except that anything can take place...because there is no clear guiding principle.
That is my angst.
So many things happen to good intentions in T&T that nothing happens.
We think in the present but rarely consider the end afterwards. So after Bacchanal X has been followed by Tantana Y, what?
Like Valentino says: Trini, what's your philosophy?