Soca Warriors Online Discussion Forum
General => Jokes => Topic started by: capodetutticapi on August 18, 2009, 08:49:10 AM
-
1.. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy Crouching down behind a tombstone. I said "morning." He said "no just taking a Shit".
2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I Realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to Forgive me.
3. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting out "get this out of me? Give me the drugs." She looked at me and said, "You did This to me you bastard!" I casually replied, "If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, "it'll be too painful."
4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual Checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and She told me, "because I am trying to examine you."
5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
-
Circumcised
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention .
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
-
Old
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BITCH
ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
-
1.. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy Crouching down behind a tombstone. I said "morning." He said "no just taking a Shit".
4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual Checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and She told me, "because I am trying to examine you."
:rotfl:
-
Q: What is the definition of trust?
A: Letting a cannibal give you a blow job.
-
Old Farts football
>
If you don't laugh at this one, then you 've got a terrible sense of humor!!!!!!!!
>
>
Old Fart Football
>
> An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes
> gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
>
> His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the
> world was that?'
> The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'
>
> A few minutes later his wife lets one go and
> says
> 'Touchdown, tie score.'
>
> After about five minutes the old man lets
> another one go and says,
> 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
>
> Not to be outdone the wife rips out another
> one and says,
> 'Touchdown, tie score.'
>
> Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
> 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
>
> He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
> Since defeat is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything he's got,
> and accidentally shits in the bed.
>
> The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
>
> The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.
-
Old
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BITCH
ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
:rotfl:
-
Old Farts football
>
If you don't laugh at this one, then you 've got a terrible sense of humor!!!!!!!!
>
>
Old Fart Football
>
> An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes
> gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
>
> His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the
> world was that?'
> The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'
>
> A few minutes later his wife lets one go and
> says
> 'Touchdown, tie score.'
>
> After about five minutes the old man lets
> another one go and says,
> 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
>
> Not to be outdone the wife rips out another
> one and says,
> 'Touchdown, tie score.'
>
> Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
> 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
>
> He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
> Since defeat is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything he's got,
> and accidentally shits in the bed.
>
> The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
>
> The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.
:rotfl: :rotfl:
-
Q: What is the definition of trust?
A: Letting a cannibal give you a blow job.
Nice Capo :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
-
Confusion
Whats the defintion of confusion?
20 blind lesbians at a fish market.
-
Confusion
Whats the defintion of confusion?
20 blind lesbians at a fish market.
Oh gosh my heart :devil: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
-
Q: what do girls and airplanes have in common.
A: they both have cockpits.
-
Q What is the difference between a cock and a prostitute
A A cock goes "cockadoodle doooo" and a prostitute goes "any cock will do"
-
Female Hormones
"Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive..."
-
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
.... with Beer
-
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
.... with Beer
No need 4 d beer.
-
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
.... with Beer
No need 4 d beer.
someting to wash yuh wood with b4 yuh head back home.
-
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
.... with Beer
No need 4 d beer.
someting to wash yuh wood with b4 yuh head back home.
Thxs but I have nuff stops b4 I reach home so it eh go wuk.
-
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Dont even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you dont bark.
-
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
.... with Beer
No need 4 d beer.
depends on what she look like ... de man might need a few beers ...
-
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Dont even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you dont bark.
I just know I shouldnt but
:rotfl: :rotfl:
easy Zando ;D
-
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
.... with Beer
No need 4 d beer.
depends on what she look like ... de man might need a few beers ...
Quotin Niki Crosby yeah right
-
allyuh know de sayin...after 2 am and ah bottle ah rum,everybody beautiful.
-
allyuh know de sayin...after 2 am and ah bottle ah rum,everybody beautiful.
in troot
-
Whats the perfect christmas gift for a lesbian?
A Great Dane....and a big jar of peanut butter
-
Ah little boy see he mother naked and ask she
"mommy what is that" Pointing to her vagina.
The mother say "dat is where daddy hit meh with an axe
Little boy say "good shot right in the c*#T"
-
Question: What do a 9v battery and a woman's asshole have in common?
Answer: You know it's wrong but sooner or later you're going to touch it with your tongue.
-
Question: What do a 9v battery and a woman's asshole have in common?
Answer: You know it's wrong but sooner or later you're going to touch it with your tongue.
:salute:
-
Question: What do a 9v battery and a woman's asshole have in common?
Answer: You know it's wrong but sooner or later you're going to touch it with your tongue.
:salute:
Cosign
-
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and spots a Jamaican man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible
to hear anything, so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee
meaning"need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The Jamaican man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down
his pants and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the
1st floor and shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot?
I said I needed a handsaw!"
The Jamaican guy says, "Mih know dat, mih jus trying to
tell yuh Iman coming."
-
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and spots a Jamaican man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible
to hear anything, so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee
meaning"need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The Jamaican man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down
his pants and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the
1st floor and shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot?
I said I needed a handsaw!"
The Jamaican guy says, "Mih know dat, mih jus trying to
tell yuh Iman coming."
so many versions of this joke.always ah classic.
-
Ah while back on a lime one of the men hail out ah woman
Man "Baby I would love to get into dem pants"
Woman " I done have one asshole in there, why would I want another one"
We nearly dead :rotfl:
-
Ah while back on a lime one of the men hail out ah woman
Man "Baby I would love to get into dem pants"
Woman " I done have one asshole in there, why would I want another one"
We nearly dead :rotfl:
[/quote
I like dat woman
-
Ah while back on a lime one of the men hail out ah woman
Man "Baby I would love to get into dem pants"
Woman " I done have one asshole in there, why would I want another one"
We nearly dead :rotfl:
Actually the other version is; Woman "meh pants only have room for one clunt"