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Topics - Montjoy

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1
Jokes / Trini Sales Man
« on: February 25, 2010, 01:32:43 AM »
A young fella from Trinidad moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The Trini says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Trinidad.'
Well, the boss liked the young fella and decided to give him a job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The Trini says, 'One.'

The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The Trini says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The Trini says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The Trini said 'No dred, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, Boss, your weekend done spoil, you should go fishing.

2
Jokes / Bear Removers
« on: February 04, 2010, 02:00:39 AM »
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
      
He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
      
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
      
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.."
      
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
      
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

3
Jokes / If the passenger next to you is irritating
« on: September 18, 2009, 01:46:34 AM »
What to do on a plane if the passenger next to you is irritating:

1 - Remove your lap top from its bag
2 - Open the laptop slowly and carefully
3 - Turn on
4 - Ensure the passenger next to you is watching
5 - Turn on the Internet
6 - Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer
7 -Take a deep breath and open this site http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8 -Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger
 

4
Jokes / Dear Boss
« on: August 18, 2009, 02:22:34 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ3lw-eNrFk

Hope that it is acceptable for all ages because it funny toooooo bad. :rotfl:

5
Jokes / If you were a child in Trinidad , you might remember:
« on: April 24, 2009, 01:19:36 AM »
If you were a child  in Trinidad , you might remember:

-  giving someone and receiving a meggie
 
-  collecting empty tic-tac containers for the smell, filling them with water then drinking it

-  you filled empty orchard cartons with air and jumped on it to make a popping noise to scare someone

-  you screamed at the faintest sound of thunder
-  getting licks with a guava whip or a wooden ruler with a metal strip on the side

-  when push point pencils were in style

-  when stationery on a whole was in style, nice erasers were prized: scented and colourful, sharpeners shaped like hamburgers or mechanical pencils and pilot pens, fine-point preferably

-  when 'Bata' was not in style but you had to wear one anyway

-  carrying ah lunch kit with a thermos flask inside

-  reading Enid Blyton, Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys, Judy Blume, Sweet Dreams or Sweet Valley High.

-  wearing VERY ying, very short, very tight khaki pants to school

-  wearing socks with frills

-  wearing panties with frills on the back

-  the Coca-Cola yo-yo craze

-  how handwriting was a big thing in primary school among girls, you wrote extremely small and extremely neat with care

-  at some point in time, having to ask someone or be asked:
a) if yuh father is a glass maker
b) if yuh have ants in yuh pants
c) if yuh monkey glands acting up

-  you loved pencil cases and you wanted a nice one shaped like a giant pencil with a zip on one end

-  holding hands with a another girl or boy to go somewhere on an outing (everybody, find ah partner!) meant that he/she was your good friend

-  you were a Brownie or a Cub Scout, no one was quite sure what 'Red Cross' people did except you called them if somebody fell down

-  having your skin stained for days with iodine after you fell

-  boys making guns out of paper and shooting each other

-  saying 'ABC, ketch ah crab, put it in ah paper bag' to some First years or Second years

-  you read 'Lucky Dip' and West Indian Readers

-  pennycools costing 25 cents

-  getting excited over the sight of three red beans sprouting on a wet piece of toilet paper in an old mayonaise jar

-  eating condensed milk from the can, tomato balls, paradise plums, chilibibi and planter's snacks

-  wearing poppies on Poppy Day was a fashion statement

-  cheese paste sandwiches with food colouring on Kiss bread cut in triangles

-  playing 'in ah fine castle, do you hear my sissy-o', 'I lost my glove on a Saturday night and found it Sunday morning...'

-  the smell of whitening your shoes

-  in primary school, you methodically collected eraser shavings

-  Netball, Rounders and cricket was serious business!

-  reciting time tables

-  you played catch, red-light/green-light, there's a brown girl in the ring and hand clapping games till your palms stung

-  a re-fashioned balloon was called ah chikey-chong

-  You been to Cleverwoods at least twice for a class outing.

-  Who had the most and prettiest Barbie dolls used to run tings.

-  you made those fortune telling finger toys from copy book paper

-  You used to recite the National pledge everyday, 'I solemnly swear to dedicate my life to the service of my God and my country...' But you cyar remember it now!

-  having to religiously support some curry-q, bar-b-q or chinee-q for the school

-  singing parang in a school Christmas concert or a folk song, 'mangoes...mangoes..'

-  if you went to Catholic primary school: prayers, prayers and more prayers.

Teens of the 90s (early to mid) in Trinidad , you might remember:

-  fellas got an earring too-just one

-  football limes and Intercol

-  no matter where you went to school, Trinity College seemed so far away

-  your identity was defined by your school, there were girls and then there were 'Convent girls' (be that good, bad or indifferent)

-  red band maxis and their hard pong

-  you hoarded coloured ink pens

-  you stressed about SBAs in Form 4 and 5

-  if you travelled home, you had to lime first before you got there

-  CXC lessons and the lessons' lime

-  boys hitting school desks to start a chanting session

-  maxis and maxi conductors were the scourge of Secondary school in these days, parents were always complaining about them

-  you knew at least one girl who was 'dealing' with a maxi-man Knight Rider, Street Hawk and Mc Gyver,CHUNKALUNKS, CHECKERS.....

Or Even Car Man. ....
 
 
 

If you remember any of these, you my friend, are a child of the 80s and early 90s in sweet Trinidad

   


6
Entertainment & Culture Discussion / Salted Pig Tail
« on: February 17, 2009, 07:43:51 AM »
Can somebody please tell me what I need to make salt meat? Ah here in Germany and den Germans and dem doh really eat or know what to do with pig tail so dey usually sell it at give away prices to feed animals. Ah know that I could find better use for that but ah have no idea what ah need to do and ah doh want to poison noboby.
Thanks in advance for de help. ;D

PS Ah already find a Turkish shop dat sells fresh Okra and ah have rice home so yuh know meh plan.

7
Entertainment & Culture Discussion / Playing the Black Notes
« on: September 19, 2008, 03:13:08 AM »
f you guys look at nothing else I send you, please make sure you view this!!  The historical content and shear power of it are simply astounding.... 

This  very AMAZING Baritone voice (Whitley Phipps) was born in TRINIDAD.  Please click and listen in its entirety.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfGytXRpfho

8
Jokes / Friendship
« on: September 15, 2008, 02:51:36 AM »
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.


Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

9
General Discussion / white man mows down black girl
« on: July 30, 2008, 12:42:38 AM »
Ah don't know what to say but the clue is in the last part of the report. He get horn!

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=132553

10
Jokes / Trini Labour
« on: June 20, 2008, 06:46:07 AM »
Gov't workers.

A guy goes to WASA to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Have you been in CEPEP or URP?

'Yes' he says. 'I was in URP for three years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'

The guy says, 'Yes, ah fella in Morvant pelt a shot behind a man and hit me and blew my testicles off.

'The interviewer tells the guy 'OK. I can hire you right now.  The hours are from 8:00 AM to 2:00 PM.  You can start tomorrow.  Come in bout 10:00 A.M.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8:00 AM to 2:00 PM, then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?'

This is a government job,' the interviewer says.  'For de first two hours we does stand around scratching we balls.  No point in you coming in for 8:00 AM'.

11
Jokes / Don't step on the Ducks!!
« on: April 15, 2008, 12:14:34 AM »

          Three women died together in an accident and went to heaven.
          When they get there, St Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'
          So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
          Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

          St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
          The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

          The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
          She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

          St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
          The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'
          The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'

12
Entertainment & Culture Discussion / Simply sweet old Music
« on: January 18, 2008, 04:00:08 AM »
Ah found this site that ah thought that I should share. I hope that it will be appreciated by the older folk  ;)

http://love-my-oldies.freehomepage.com/music/

Enjoy

13
General Discussion / Tiny Humanoid Creature found in Chile
« on: November 27, 2007, 01:45:15 AM »

14
2006 World Cup - Germany / FIFA Tickets
« on: May 05, 2006, 01:57:34 AM »
I just wanted to let you all know that FIFA has started to distribute Tickets. I got mine yesterday in the mail.
Ah livin in Germany so it might take a little longer to reach allyu but start looking because you have to sign for them. ;D

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