1
April 25, 2024, 06:33:19 AM
Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Pages: [1] 2
2
Football / Football Cultures (Serie A vs EPL)
« on: October 30, 2009, 09:04:51 AM »
the following is an editorial response to Fabio capello's comments that the power of the Ultras of Italian football are what is killing Serie A.
I think this article sums up the nauseating self-righteousness of the EPL and its even more nauseating fans.
Quote
Calcio Debate: Fabio Capello Is An Ignoramus Who Hasn't Got A Clue About English Football Fans
The England coachs attack on Calcio has infuriated the authorities back home. Goal.coms Gil Gillespie just thinks he is a poor, misguided fool who doesn't know the first thing about footballing culture in the UK...
The grass, as the old saying goes, isn't always greener on the other side.
Every time an Italian coach goes to live and work in England, they always seem to return full of glowing reports of highly organised stadiums packed with charmingly behaved fans. Even the dismissively arrogant Roberto Mancini said he enjoyed the more light-hearted, less media intensive climate of the English game, after his brief stint with Leicester City.
Fabio Capello is the latest wearer of this particular pair of rose-tinted spectacles and he has been upsetting the football academia big wigs in Italy with his outspoken attack on Calcio at Italys university of tactics, Coverciano.
"It's the Ultras who rule in Serie A. There is no courage to apply the laws against them," stated the former Milan and Juventus boss sharply.
"In England, the stadia are full, there is a desire to go to the stadium, nothing ever happens and the stewards do a perfect job. I am saddened with what is happening in Italy, he added.
And, as if this outburst hadn't put enough noses out of joint, Capello then turned his ire on the dishonest practices of Calcio itself.
"In Italy the divers are praised and receive prizes - in England they are jeered.
"The Italian national team has never fascinated me like the English one," he concluded. He didn't explain why. But it is possibly something to do with the rumours that he was never going to be offered the chance to coach the Azzurri as he has spent half of his career upsetting the almost aristocratic folk at FIGC.
Capellos state of mind is exactly like that of a tourist who visits another country, stays for a little while and is fooled into thinking he is living in a bright new paradise where none of the things he hated about the old country exist. Needless to say, his new love for England over Italy has everything to do with his delusional state of mind and nothing to do with actual reality. His comments merely prove that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Capello appears to believe that the Premier League blueprint drawn up by Lord Justice Taylor in response to the Heysel and Hillsborough disasters is a one-size-fits-all model that should be employed across Europe. It isnt. No-one can doubt the necessity or the validity of tackling the terrible demons of hooliganism but anyone with more than a passing interest in the sociology of football in England can see the problems it has left in its wake. Everyone, it seems, except Capello. The Premier League is far from being the supporters haven he thinks it is.
What the FA did at the end of the eighties is to learn how to control fans inside the stadiums. Strangely, they still manage to disassociate themselves from any trouble that happens outside the ground and a compliant media are always willing to play ball. Did you hear about the seven fans stabbed outside White Hart Lane last season? No, nor me. How about the 20 Swindon baseball bat carrying Swindon fans that attacked the pub less than 200 yards from where I live prompting a massive police operation? No. Well take it from me, it happened and hospital admissions shot up.
Anyway, as a direct result of the changes the FA put in place 20 years ago, there has been a gradual disappearance of anything resembling a decent atmosphere at most of the country's biggest grounds.
The exorbitant cost of ticket prices for Premier League games hasnt exactly helped with this either. Prices are prohibitive to the point of obscenity. As a result, the average age of fans in the English top division has risen from 23 to 43 in the last ten years. In essence, a whole generation has been excluded.
"Something really quite important has been lost," says John Williams of Leicester University's Centre for the Sociology of Sport.
In Italy, it couldnt be more different. Football is not a hobby for Italians, it is one of the defining characteristics of Italian life. Everyone lives and breathes Calcio: lawyers, postmen, bar managers, widows, priests, teenagers and university professors. Its ability to unify is matched only by that of Catholicism.
This is why Capellos attack on the Ultras of Serie A is, at best, misguided and at worst, downright dangerous. The multitude of supporters clans that follow every club on the peninsula are by no means perfect but their contribution to the Italian game is sacred and should be cherished. The fans groups insist on having their say in just about every area, whether they are invited or not.
It is typical that the 200 Lazio fans who invaded the teams training session this week and sent the players running for cover by throwing some mild explosive devices in their direction sought to explain their actions.
They haven't even celebrated under the Curva with us, which is what used to happen in the past," said Irriducibili spokesman Gianluca Tirone. He also stated that they were more than satisfied by the clubs response. In an age when money has all but taken over the beautiful game, it is incredible that fans can have so much influence on their club. It is also unintentionally hilarious.
Anyone wanting a first hand insight into the staggeringly complicated, politically motivated, self-sacrificing world of the Ultras should read Tim Parks book A Season with Verona.
While their lager-bellied Premier League cousins sit in rows munching on prawn sandwiches or embark on their own personal marathons of abuse aimed at opposition players, the Red and Black Brigade, the Griffen Den, Juventus Fighters, Lazio's Irriducibili, Inter's Boys and a bewildering number of other Ultra groups put on the most amazing, colossal, phantasmagorical displays of noise, symmetry and colour anywhere on earth.
This is not to ignore the well-documented problems caused by Ultras, and Italian fans in general. But while any disgusting racist episode involving Mario Balotelli, Marco Zoro, or any other black player, is highlighted by the English media (and SKY in particular) at every possible opportunity, what is not reported is the equally if not more severe racist abuse directed at Premier League players by 'angelic' English fans. The Emmanuel Adebayor 'His dad washes elephants and his mum is a w**re' which is sung by opposition fans every week at least five times a match is just one horrific example. But there have been no stadium bans on clubs in England, like the one imposed on Juventus last season following the Balotelli controversy.
What is also not reported (anymore) is the havoc caused by English football fans almost every time they travel abroad to support club or country. Not so much as a column inch was afforded in Britain to the drunken escapades of Three Lions supporters during the 2006 World Cup in Germany, which included taking over the squares in various cities and blasting out in their hundreds World War Two songs like 'There Were Ten German Bombers In The Air - And The RAF From England Shot Them Down'.
After all, this would be a disaster for the Premier League's global image, which has seen them conquer vulnerable markets all over the world.
In Don Fabio's beloved Premier League, fans do not only not have any say, they havent even got a voice. They sit, they absorb, they go away, they boast, or they dont boast, at work on Monday.
But Capello's suggestion that his newly adopted home is full of happy-go-lucky orderly souls who the authorities keep under control also shows just how naive he is about the culture of the people around him.
What the man from San Canzian d'Isonzo doesnt know while he is visiting art galleries and sampling London operatic and theatrical delights is that every Friday and Saturday night in every village, town and city up and down the land there are flocks of offensively drunken idiots stumbling and fighting and flashing their arses. He may also not have heard of the term 'broken society'.
Can you imagine a news story about an Italian footballer groping and then breaking the nose of a girl who rejected his advances in a nightclub?
Capellos vision of Britain is of a decent place where Corinthian spirited chaps stay on their feet and get a round of applause from both sides of the ground. He must wonder why Bobby Charlton never shows up at training. But todays UK is sadly not what it was more than 30 or 40 years ago - it is actually something of a bitter and twisted lost kingdom where morals have been abandoned, casual violence is endemic and no-one can even remember what it means to be British anymore. Britain used to be a superpower that ruled the world, now it is a country that hasnt even got one of their own in charge of the national football team.
And yet the man trying to get England to play more like Italy thinks it is acceptable to pop his head around the door and tell everyone that the thing they love so much is actually an outdated chunk of rancid old Dolcelatte.
You are not only very wide of the mark Signor Capello, you are seriously embarrassing yourself.
What are your views on this topic? Do you agree that Fabio Capello is completely wrong over the differences between Italian and English football fans, and culture in general? Goal.com wants to know what YOU think...
Gil Gillespie, Goal.com
I think this article sums up the nauseating self-righteousness of the EPL and its even more nauseating fans.
4
Jokes / Things my mother taught me
« on: April 22, 2009, 07:30:29 AM »
Things my mother taught me 
==========================
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're go-
ing kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out
of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"
My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 - "If you fall out of that swing
and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean under-
wear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you some-
thing to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your
mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONS - "Will you "look" at the
dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all
that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado
swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled
because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've
told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting
like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less for-
tunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents
like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get
home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it
when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your
spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your
father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born
in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my
age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids...
and I hope they turn out just like you!"
==========================
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're go-
ing kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out
of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"
My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 - "If you fall out of that swing
and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean under-
wear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you some-
thing to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your
mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONS - "Will you "look" at the
dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all
that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado
swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled
because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've
told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting
like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less for-
tunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents
like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get
home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it
when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your
spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your
father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born
in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my
age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids...
and I hope they turn out just like you!"
5
Football / Liverpool v Arsenal
« on: April 21, 2009, 01:42:00 PM »
arsenal up 1-0. great interplay between nasri, fabregas and arshavin after mascherano mistake.
benayoun lookin good so far but no end product
benayoun lookin good so far but no end product
6
Football / juve vs inter
« on: November 21, 2008, 09:31:07 AM »
d game of the year in italy on tomorrow. inter eh beat we in d san siro for 4yrs now!
DP in form & we no ibrahimab*tch go go into he hole!
ah sayin 0-2 juve.
saying that tho during moggi era Milan, Lazio, Parma, Roma, Fiorentina and Udinese managed to finish above Juve in the standings, at least once before farsopoli , but Inter never did it. No matter if we were 1st, 2nd, 3rd....7th, Inter were always behind us.
DP in form & we no ibrahimab*tch go go into he hole!
ah sayin 0-2 juve.
saying that tho during moggi era Milan, Lazio, Parma, Roma, Fiorentina and Udinese managed to finish above Juve in the standings, at least once before farsopoli , but Inter never did it. No matter if we were 1st, 2nd, 3rd....7th, Inter were always behind us.
7
Football / Anybody realise...
« on: June 08, 2006, 03:01:44 PM »
Dog only 2 games away from 100 caps & stern 5 away from 100?
germany bound men doin anything for dog?
germany bound men doin anything for dog?
8
Football / We Don't Play This game on paper
« on: June 07, 2006, 05:14:06 AM »
'We don't play this game on paper'
Soccernet.Com.
If there is one certainty at this World Cup, it must be that Trinidad and Tobago will be hopping on the earliest of planes back to the sun-kissed islands they call home, but don't approach Leo Beenhakker with such a negative philosophy.
Leo Beenhakker: Confident he can spring a few surprises in Germany.
Ignoring their tag of rank outsiders, Dutch coach Beenhakker maintains a belief that his Soca Warriors can 'shock the World' in Germany this summer and he speaks with conviction when quizzed on his side's hopes in a group featuring England, Sweden and Paraguay.
The former Real Madrid boss has already produced a minor miracle by carving out this Caribbean fairy tale with victory against Bahrain in an historic qualifier last November and now he is refusing to join the unbroken chorus of doubters who believe T&T's only contribution to the World Cup will be a few colourful spectators and three fruitless performances on the pitch.
'I'm convinced we can shock the football world,' begins Beenhakker. 'On paper, no one expects us to do anything in Germany, yet the advantage is we don't play this game on paper and if we have some good preparation, we can cause some surprises.
'Of course, in the end, it comes down to whether or not you have the players to achieve your ambitions, but we have a style that I'm sure that will be good enough to give us a chance in the World Cup. We will not change our philosophy now. It has taken us this far and we will enjoy the experience this summer.
'People keep telling me we have no chance, we will lose every game. Let's see what happens when we play Sweden and then we can talk about the England game after that.
'We have made it through to the World Cup finals and every game we have played since I started working with these players has seen them make improvements. That's what is so encouraging for me.'
Assuming control of the team with nine World Cup qualifiers still to play in May 2005, Beenhakker quickly formulated a plan that not even the most ardent of T&T fan believed would end in Germany this summer.
Working with a clutch of players based in less-than-glamorous British clubs and a handful of battling performers based closer to home, the coach viewed organisation on and off the field as the key and his planning delivered quick results.
'I looked at the squad and realised there were some good players to pick from,' continues Beenhakker. 'Sure, some were getting a little older, but I see a guy like Dwight Yorke as a great performer and believed we could get something out of player of his quality if we set the team up in the right manner.
'The trouble I have had since I took this job was that my players are playing their football in all corners of the world. I have only had them for three or four days before every game and that made preparations very difficult for the qualifying games I was a part of. We needed a professional approach off the field in preparing for games and then a plan for the matches themselves.
'I wanted to try and change the style the team were playing. The British-based players had a mentality to hit long balls, but that was not the strength of this team. That may have worked against some of the teams we faced in qualifying, but for a World Cup finals, you need more than that and I have been working on trying to establish some control of the midfield positions. This is the key for our plans.
'In the end, I keep telling the players that the teams we will face in this World Cup are very much like us. They will have 11 players, with the ambition to score a goal between the two white posts. We will all be using the same ball, so let's not get too excited by our opponents. If we keep a calm mind, maybe there will be something special for us in Germany.'
Like so many international sides around the world, raw talent and passionate emotion can only take you so far and it needed Beenhakker's experience and knowledge of the game to turn the Soca Warriors into a winning team unit.
He is living proof, if it were needed, that the nationality of a coach matters less than his ability to produce results, so it is with a curious tone in his voice that Beenhakker turns his attention to one of his opponents in the Group B schedule, outgoing England boss Sven Goran Eriksson.
Clearly proud that Holland will be leading the way in the coaching stakes with four representatives at this World Cup, Beenhakker suggests the jingoistic negativity that has dogged Swede Eriksson during his time as England head coach has been misplaced.
Indeed, he suggests the English obsession with having a homegrown coach taking charge of the national side may work against them in the long run.
'I don't think it matters where the coach is born and you should just have the best guy to do the job,' he states.
'I understand Sven has had some problems during his time in this job because certain people in the media would prefer someone from England, but you should look at the bigger picture.
'The passport is not important any more. As long as you speak the language, understand the culture of the country you are working in and have a good knowledge of the game, where you come from doesn't matter. I don't hear too many people in Trinidad complaining that I'm Dutch, that's for sure.
'In general, us Dutch coaches are enjoying great success at the moment. Four of us are going to the World Cup, the European champions at Barcelona are in Dutch hands and Martin Jol is doing a fantastic job at Spurs, so I think Dutch coaches are fashionable at the moment.
'Holland is a small country and our history is all about being very open to international ideas, to other philosophies and maybe we can fit in better somewhere else than other people. We are prepared to accept other ideas very easily and that works in our favour.
Beenhakker shows solidarity with Eriksson as a fellow emigre coach.'I feel Sven has done a great job with this team and the criticism of him is not fair. Coaching England is not an easy job and his results deserve to be respected. Sure, he has some great players to work with, but he has got them to the World Cup and they are one of the favourites. That must be a tick in his box.'
Aside from the thrilling cricket series against India, the World Cup game against England has been the main talking point over a Carib Beer in Port of Spain watering holes in the last few weeks and Beenhakker believes the clash in Nuremberg on June 15th will be the defining moment of his squad's romantic efforts.
'With so many of my players based in Britain, England was the draw they were all looking out for and it came our way,' he adds. 'We are the big underdogs for this game, we know that. After all, our population is smaller than Paris, so how can anyone expect us to match England? But this is football, everything is possible.' Even if Trinidad and Tobago are heading home after just three World Cup games, they will return as heroes. Dismissing a team with nothing to lose is a dangerous policy.
Soccernet.Com.
If there is one certainty at this World Cup, it must be that Trinidad and Tobago will be hopping on the earliest of planes back to the sun-kissed islands they call home, but don't approach Leo Beenhakker with such a negative philosophy.
Leo Beenhakker: Confident he can spring a few surprises in Germany.
Ignoring their tag of rank outsiders, Dutch coach Beenhakker maintains a belief that his Soca Warriors can 'shock the World' in Germany this summer and he speaks with conviction when quizzed on his side's hopes in a group featuring England, Sweden and Paraguay.
The former Real Madrid boss has already produced a minor miracle by carving out this Caribbean fairy tale with victory against Bahrain in an historic qualifier last November and now he is refusing to join the unbroken chorus of doubters who believe T&T's only contribution to the World Cup will be a few colourful spectators and three fruitless performances on the pitch.
'I'm convinced we can shock the football world,' begins Beenhakker. 'On paper, no one expects us to do anything in Germany, yet the advantage is we don't play this game on paper and if we have some good preparation, we can cause some surprises.
'Of course, in the end, it comes down to whether or not you have the players to achieve your ambitions, but we have a style that I'm sure that will be good enough to give us a chance in the World Cup. We will not change our philosophy now. It has taken us this far and we will enjoy the experience this summer.
'People keep telling me we have no chance, we will lose every game. Let's see what happens when we play Sweden and then we can talk about the England game after that.
'We have made it through to the World Cup finals and every game we have played since I started working with these players has seen them make improvements. That's what is so encouraging for me.'
Assuming control of the team with nine World Cup qualifiers still to play in May 2005, Beenhakker quickly formulated a plan that not even the most ardent of T&T fan believed would end in Germany this summer.
Working with a clutch of players based in less-than-glamorous British clubs and a handful of battling performers based closer to home, the coach viewed organisation on and off the field as the key and his planning delivered quick results.
'I looked at the squad and realised there were some good players to pick from,' continues Beenhakker. 'Sure, some were getting a little older, but I see a guy like Dwight Yorke as a great performer and believed we could get something out of player of his quality if we set the team up in the right manner.
'The trouble I have had since I took this job was that my players are playing their football in all corners of the world. I have only had them for three or four days before every game and that made preparations very difficult for the qualifying games I was a part of. We needed a professional approach off the field in preparing for games and then a plan for the matches themselves.
'I wanted to try and change the style the team were playing. The British-based players had a mentality to hit long balls, but that was not the strength of this team. That may have worked against some of the teams we faced in qualifying, but for a World Cup finals, you need more than that and I have been working on trying to establish some control of the midfield positions. This is the key for our plans.
'In the end, I keep telling the players that the teams we will face in this World Cup are very much like us. They will have 11 players, with the ambition to score a goal between the two white posts. We will all be using the same ball, so let's not get too excited by our opponents. If we keep a calm mind, maybe there will be something special for us in Germany.'
Like so many international sides around the world, raw talent and passionate emotion can only take you so far and it needed Beenhakker's experience and knowledge of the game to turn the Soca Warriors into a winning team unit.
He is living proof, if it were needed, that the nationality of a coach matters less than his ability to produce results, so it is with a curious tone in his voice that Beenhakker turns his attention to one of his opponents in the Group B schedule, outgoing England boss Sven Goran Eriksson.
Clearly proud that Holland will be leading the way in the coaching stakes with four representatives at this World Cup, Beenhakker suggests the jingoistic negativity that has dogged Swede Eriksson during his time as England head coach has been misplaced.
Indeed, he suggests the English obsession with having a homegrown coach taking charge of the national side may work against them in the long run.
'I don't think it matters where the coach is born and you should just have the best guy to do the job,' he states.
'I understand Sven has had some problems during his time in this job because certain people in the media would prefer someone from England, but you should look at the bigger picture.
'The passport is not important any more. As long as you speak the language, understand the culture of the country you are working in and have a good knowledge of the game, where you come from doesn't matter. I don't hear too many people in Trinidad complaining that I'm Dutch, that's for sure.
'In general, us Dutch coaches are enjoying great success at the moment. Four of us are going to the World Cup, the European champions at Barcelona are in Dutch hands and Martin Jol is doing a fantastic job at Spurs, so I think Dutch coaches are fashionable at the moment.
'Holland is a small country and our history is all about being very open to international ideas, to other philosophies and maybe we can fit in better somewhere else than other people. We are prepared to accept other ideas very easily and that works in our favour.
Beenhakker shows solidarity with Eriksson as a fellow emigre coach.'I feel Sven has done a great job with this team and the criticism of him is not fair. Coaching England is not an easy job and his results deserve to be respected. Sure, he has some great players to work with, but he has got them to the World Cup and they are one of the favourites. That must be a tick in his box.'
Aside from the thrilling cricket series against India, the World Cup game against England has been the main talking point over a Carib Beer in Port of Spain watering holes in the last few weeks and Beenhakker believes the clash in Nuremberg on June 15th will be the defining moment of his squad's romantic efforts.
'With so many of my players based in Britain, England was the draw they were all looking out for and it came our way,' he adds. 'We are the big underdogs for this game, we know that. After all, our population is smaller than Paris, so how can anyone expect us to match England? But this is football, everything is possible.' Even if Trinidad and Tobago are heading home after just three World Cup games, they will return as heroes. Dismissing a team with nothing to lose is a dangerous policy.
9
Jokes / why men die first
« on: May 19, 2006, 10:46:06 AM »
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet ... it's male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp.
If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.
If SHE asks you ... it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert.
If you don't ... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist.
If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain.
If you don't ... you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers ... you're after something.
If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself.
If you don't ... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache ... she's tired.
If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often ... you're oversexed.
If you don't ... there must be someone else.
Men die first because they want to!
If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet ... it's male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp.
If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.
If SHE asks you ... it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert.
If you don't ... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist.
If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain.
If you don't ... you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers ... you're after something.
If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself.
If you don't ... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache ... she's tired.
If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often ... you're oversexed.
If you don't ... there must be someone else.
Men die first because they want to!
10
Jokes / Rare Condition
« on: May 15, 2006, 04:55:31 AM »
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
11
General Discussion / Education for the Nation
« on: May 13, 2006, 05:03:44 AM »
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things
used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
Houses had thatched roofs- thick straw- piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all
the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would
slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they
added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the
pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit
around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead
poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take
the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to
listen for the bell; thus, someone = could be, saved by the bell, or was considered a ...dead ringer!
used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
Houses had thatched roofs- thick straw- piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all
the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would
slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they
added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the
pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit
around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead
poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take
the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to
listen for the bell; thus, someone = could be, saved by the bell, or was considered a ...dead ringer!
12
Jokes / Women are smarter than they look!
« on: May 13, 2006, 04:39:36 AM »
Three women and three men are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the men.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.
The woman knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the men.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.
The woman knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."
13
General Discussion / ok mr maths men figure this one out!!!
« on: May 09, 2006, 08:11:37 PM »
2 men are having lunch...
1 has 3 loaves of bread & the other has 2.
A 3rd man come along with no lunch so the first 2 decide to share their lunch equally.
After lunch the 3rd guy says "thanks for the lunch...i would like to pay u for your generosity with these 5 gold coins).
So the decide that they shud split the coins in the ratio 3:2 1st guy to 2nd guy.
jus then a statistician comes along as say "no no no the 1st guy shud get 4 coins & the second guy 1"
Explain y the statistician is correct!!!!
1 has 3 loaves of bread & the other has 2.
A 3rd man come along with no lunch so the first 2 decide to share their lunch equally.
After lunch the 3rd guy says "thanks for the lunch...i would like to pay u for your generosity with these 5 gold coins).
So the decide that they shud split the coins in the ratio 3:2 1st guy to 2nd guy.
jus then a statistician comes along as say "no no no the 1st guy shud get 4 coins & the second guy 1"
Explain y the statistician is correct!!!!
14
Jokes / Sydney Radio talk show
« on: May 01, 2006, 04:10:55 PM »
Sydney radio - This is a corker
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
Called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers
"yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same
three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City
drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing
you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
you win.
What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this
wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
[3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sara, shall we?" (touch
tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules
of 'Mate Match'?"
Sara: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?"
Sara: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sara: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sara: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
Sara: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sara..... where did you have it?
Sara: "Up the ar$e....."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break"
And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
Called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers
"yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same
three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City
drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing
you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
you win.
What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this
wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
[3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sara, shall we?" (touch
tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules
of 'Mate Match'?"
Sara: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?"
Sara: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sara: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sara: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
Sara: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sara..... where did you have it?
Sara: "Up the ar$e....."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break"
And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing
15
Jokes / Med School
« on: April 26, 2006, 02:10:51 PM »
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and Sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them -
"The second most important quality is "Observation'". "I stuck my middle finger in, and sucked on my index finger." "Now learn to pay attention."
As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and Sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them -
"The second most important quality is "Observation'". "I stuck my middle finger in, and sucked on my index finger." "Now learn to pay attention."
16
Football / Owen suffers new setback in race to prove fitness for World Cup
« on: April 21, 2006, 04:51:45 AM »
Owen suffers new setback in race to prove fitness for World Cup
Michael Walker
Friday April 21, 2006
The Guardian
Michael Owen's World Cup prospects are in fresh doubt after Newcastle United revealed yesterday that he is unlikely to be fit enough to play at Birmingham City on Saturday week. That means the striker will be available only for Newcastle's last game of the season, at home to Chelsea on May 7, with the England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson having to name his preliminary squad for Germany the following day.
"Michael has done everything our medical staff have asked of him," said the Newcastle caretaker manager, Glenn Roeder, "but the most we can now hope for is to have him back for the final game."
Whether Owen can do enough in 90 minutes - providing his right foot withstands the strain - to satisfy Eriksson cannot be certain and the Swede will remember taking a less than 100% fit David Beckham to the last World Cup.
That cost England in their quarter-final against Brazil, although it could be argued that with the six weeks before England meet Paraguay in Frankfurt containing two England friendlies and an England B game, Eriksson would be taking a greater risk in omitting Owen from his squad.
Newcastle are likely to arrange a behind-closed-doors match for Owen before the Chelsea game and there is also Alan Shearer's testimonial on Thursday 11 May - Newcastle face Celtic at St James' Park - in which Owen could play. Eriksson names his final World Cup squad on Monday May 15.
Owen has not yet taken part in a full Newcastle training session after sustaining his injury on December 31 last year in a collision with the Tottenham and England goalkeeper Paul Robinson. Owen fractured his fifth metatarsal and had a pin inserted soon after. Recovery was expected to take between 12 and 14 weeks but just as Newcastle were expecting the 26 year-old back, at the beginning of this month, Owen felt new pain and had to have a new screw inserted in his toe.
For Newcastle, chasing a European place without the injured Shearer, Owen's news is depressing. They have had scant repayment on the £16m they paid to Real Madrid last August and will have to deal with constant speculation that Owen will leave Tyneside after the World Cup.
The fans can console themselves, however, with a comment made by Owen on March 27: "The club [Newcastle] and the fans have been great to me and I want to pay them back."
http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,1758008,00.html
Michael Walker
Friday April 21, 2006
The Guardian
Michael Owen's World Cup prospects are in fresh doubt after Newcastle United revealed yesterday that he is unlikely to be fit enough to play at Birmingham City on Saturday week. That means the striker will be available only for Newcastle's last game of the season, at home to Chelsea on May 7, with the England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson having to name his preliminary squad for Germany the following day.
"Michael has done everything our medical staff have asked of him," said the Newcastle caretaker manager, Glenn Roeder, "but the most we can now hope for is to have him back for the final game."
Whether Owen can do enough in 90 minutes - providing his right foot withstands the strain - to satisfy Eriksson cannot be certain and the Swede will remember taking a less than 100% fit David Beckham to the last World Cup.
That cost England in their quarter-final against Brazil, although it could be argued that with the six weeks before England meet Paraguay in Frankfurt containing two England friendlies and an England B game, Eriksson would be taking a greater risk in omitting Owen from his squad.
Newcastle are likely to arrange a behind-closed-doors match for Owen before the Chelsea game and there is also Alan Shearer's testimonial on Thursday 11 May - Newcastle face Celtic at St James' Park - in which Owen could play. Eriksson names his final World Cup squad on Monday May 15.
Owen has not yet taken part in a full Newcastle training session after sustaining his injury on December 31 last year in a collision with the Tottenham and England goalkeeper Paul Robinson. Owen fractured his fifth metatarsal and had a pin inserted soon after. Recovery was expected to take between 12 and 14 weeks but just as Newcastle were expecting the 26 year-old back, at the beginning of this month, Owen felt new pain and had to have a new screw inserted in his toe.
For Newcastle, chasing a European place without the injured Shearer, Owen's news is depressing. They have had scant repayment on the £16m they paid to Real Madrid last August and will have to deal with constant speculation that Owen will leave Tyneside after the World Cup.
The fans can console themselves, however, with a comment made by Owen on March 27: "The club [Newcastle] and the fans have been great to me and I want to pay them back."
http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,1758008,00.html
17
What about Track & Field / Yongs Guns Performing
« on: April 18, 2006, 09:33:04 AM »
Alexander repeats
...Franklyn secures silver
Kwame Laurence klaurence@trinidadexpress.com
Monday, April 17th 2006
Annie Alexander
Annie Alexander retained her girls under-20 shot put title on day two of the Carifta Games, at the Rene Serge Nabajoth Stadium in Guadeloupe, yesterday.
The Trinidad and Tobago thrower produced a big 14.88 metres effort to beat Martinique's Myriam Lixfe (14.43m) and Guadeloupe's Stella Virolan (13.89m) into second and third, respectively. Another T&T athlete, Jodie Sutherland, put the shot 10.20m to cop 11th spot.
In the boys under-17 javelin, T&T's Jerren Franklyn earned silver. He hurled the spear 52.62m. Barbadian Ramon Burgess was the class of the field, with a 57.97m throw. Bahamian August Campbell (52.19m) bagged bronze.
Both Kervin Morgan and Ade Alleyne-Forte qualified for last night's boys under-20 200 metres semis. Morgan finished second in heat two in 21.82 seconds, while Alleyne-Forte was second in heat five in 22.11.
Sparkle McKnight booked her spot in last night's girls under-17 300m hurdles final with a 44.98 seconds clocking in the preliminary round. Ansil Nicholson, though, did not complete his heat in the boy's under-20 400m hurdles.
Jessica James and Naomi Reyes have both advanced to today's girls under-17 800m final. In the qualifying round, James returned a time of two minutes, 15.79 seconds and Reyes clocked 2:18.77.
T&T will also have two representatives in the boys under-17 800m final. Gavyn Nero, the newly-crowned 1,500m champion, won heat one in 2:01.44, while Christian Benn was third in heat two in 2:01.44.
See Page 43
SELECTED DAY 2 RESULTS
Girls under-20 shot put
1 Annie Alexander (T&T) 14.88m
2 Myriam Lixfe (Martinique) 14.43m
3 Stella Virolan (Guadeloupe) 13.89m
11 Jodie Sutherland (T&T) 10.20m
Boys under-17 javelin
1 Ramon Burgess (Barbados) 57.97m
2 Jerren Franklyn (T&T) 52.62m
3 August Campbell (Bahamas) 52.19m
Nero wins again!
...breaks two more records
Kwame Laurence klaurence@trinidadexpress.com
Tuesday, April 18th 2006
Gavyn Nero ...won 3,000m gold at 2006 Carifta Games
Gavyn Nero continued to rewrite the Carifta Games record books on day two of the regional junior track and field championships, at the Rene Serge Nabajoth Stadium in Guadeloupe, on Sunday.
The 15-year-old Trinidad and Tobago athlete followed up on Saturday's record-breaking golden run in the boys under-17 1,500m event with 3,000m gold and a couple more records.
Nero topped the field in eight minutes, 53.42 seconds, chopping more than 17 seconds off the previous Games standard. The clocking is also a new national under-17 record.
Janeil Bellille seized silver in the girls under-20 400m hurdles. The T&T athlete got home in 59.76 seconds to finish behind Jamaica's Sherene Pinnock (57.50) and ahead of Bahamian Natayla Beneby (1:00.96). Bellille's teammate Kelly Ann Romeo was fifth in 1:05.93.
Kerron Browne added another silver to the T&T medals bag when he copped second spot in the boys open heptathlon. Browne accumulated 4,432 points in the seven-discipline event. The gold medal went to Grenadian Joel Phillip (5,074), while bronze was bagged by his compatriot Kurt Felix (4,311).
In the boys open pole vault, T&T's Kriston Caraballo snapped up silver with a 3.70 metres clearance.
Deandra Daniel, Akeela Bravo and Venice Frederick claimed individual bronze medals for T&T. Daniel cleared the bar at 1.68m for third spot in the girls under-17 high jump. In the girls under-17 discus, Bravo produced a 31.90m effort to finish behind Barbadian Akilah Martin (34.02m) and Alexandra Terry (32.69m) of the Cayman Islands. And in the five-discipline pentathlon, Frederick was third with 2,700 points.
T&T also bagged bronze in each of the four 4x100m events.
The boys under-20 quartet of Sadiki James, Keston Bledman, Kieron Anthony and Marlon Douglas got the baton round the track in 40.87 seconds. In the boys under-17 race, Joel Romain, Joel Dillon, Kendal Bacchus and Sherman Allsop produced a 42.22 seconds run. Jurnelle Francis, Semoy Hackett, Bellille and Reyare Thomas got home in 45.72 in the girls under-20 4x100m. And in the girls under-17 sprint relay, Michelle Lee Ahyee, Cadajah Spencer, Cassie Caprieta and Nyoka Giles combined for a 46.21 seconds clocking.
SELECTED DAY 2 RESULTS
Boys under-17 3,000m
1 Gavyn Nero (T&T) 8:53.42 (Carifta & T&T record)
2 Kemoy Campbell (Jamaica) 8:53.71
3 Matthew Spring (Bermuda) 9:18.74
Girls under-20 400m hurdles
1 Sherene Pinnock (Jamaica) 57.50
2 Janeil Bellille (T&T) 59.76
3 Natayla Beneby (Bahamas) 1:00.96
5 Kelly Ann Romeo (T&T) 1:05.93
Girls under-17 300m hurdles
1 Tracey Shana Kay (Jamaica) 41.64
2 Kierre Beckles (Barbados) 41.76
3 Krystal Bodie (Bahamas) 42.13
6 Sparkle McKnight (T&T) 45.76
Boys under-20 4x100m
1 Jamaica 39.81
2 Barbados 40.82
3 T&T 40.87
Girls under-20 4x100m
1 Jamaica 44.91
2 Bahamas 45.27
3 T&T 45.72
Boys under-17 4x100m
1 Jamaica 41.39
2 Bahamas 41.62
3 T&T 42.22
Girls under-17 4x100m
1 Jamaica 45.66
2 Bahamas 46.17
3 T&T 46.21
Girls under-17 high jump
1 Misha Gaye Da Costa (J'ca) 1.75m
2 Georgia Bordy (Guadeloupe) 1.68m
3 Deandra Daniel (T&T) 1.68m
4 Jeanelle Ovid (T&T) 1.68m
Boys open pole vault
1 Lorenzo Johnson (Jamaica) 3.80m
2 Kriston Caraballo (T&T) 3.70m
- Maxime Lecoq (Martinique) NH (No Height)
Girls under-17 discus
1 Akilah Martin (Barbados) 34.02m
2 Alexandra Terry (Cayman Islands) 32.69m
3 Akeela Bravo (T&T) 31.90m
Boys under-20 javelin
1 Jonathan Denis (Guadeloupe) 56.61m
2 Rohan Gill (Barbados) 55.31m
3 Kenton Olive (Grenada) 54.19m
4 Kerron Browne (T&T) 52.71m
Boys open heptathlon
1 Joel Phillip (Grenada) 5,074 points
2 Kerron Brown (T&T) 4,432
3 Kurt Felix (Grenada) 4,311
Girls open pentathlon
1 Shannise Wright (Bahamas) 3,326
2 Andrea Moss (Bahamas) 3,206
3 Venice Frederick (T&T) 2,700
...Franklyn secures silver
Kwame Laurence klaurence@trinidadexpress.com
Monday, April 17th 2006
Annie Alexander
Annie Alexander retained her girls under-20 shot put title on day two of the Carifta Games, at the Rene Serge Nabajoth Stadium in Guadeloupe, yesterday.
The Trinidad and Tobago thrower produced a big 14.88 metres effort to beat Martinique's Myriam Lixfe (14.43m) and Guadeloupe's Stella Virolan (13.89m) into second and third, respectively. Another T&T athlete, Jodie Sutherland, put the shot 10.20m to cop 11th spot.
In the boys under-17 javelin, T&T's Jerren Franklyn earned silver. He hurled the spear 52.62m. Barbadian Ramon Burgess was the class of the field, with a 57.97m throw. Bahamian August Campbell (52.19m) bagged bronze.
Both Kervin Morgan and Ade Alleyne-Forte qualified for last night's boys under-20 200 metres semis. Morgan finished second in heat two in 21.82 seconds, while Alleyne-Forte was second in heat five in 22.11.
Sparkle McKnight booked her spot in last night's girls under-17 300m hurdles final with a 44.98 seconds clocking in the preliminary round. Ansil Nicholson, though, did not complete his heat in the boy's under-20 400m hurdles.
Jessica James and Naomi Reyes have both advanced to today's girls under-17 800m final. In the qualifying round, James returned a time of two minutes, 15.79 seconds and Reyes clocked 2:18.77.
T&T will also have two representatives in the boys under-17 800m final. Gavyn Nero, the newly-crowned 1,500m champion, won heat one in 2:01.44, while Christian Benn was third in heat two in 2:01.44.
See Page 43
SELECTED DAY 2 RESULTS
Girls under-20 shot put
1 Annie Alexander (T&T) 14.88m
2 Myriam Lixfe (Martinique) 14.43m
3 Stella Virolan (Guadeloupe) 13.89m
11 Jodie Sutherland (T&T) 10.20m
Boys under-17 javelin
1 Ramon Burgess (Barbados) 57.97m
2 Jerren Franklyn (T&T) 52.62m
3 August Campbell (Bahamas) 52.19m
Nero wins again!
...breaks two more records
Kwame Laurence klaurence@trinidadexpress.com
Tuesday, April 18th 2006
Gavyn Nero ...won 3,000m gold at 2006 Carifta Games
Gavyn Nero continued to rewrite the Carifta Games record books on day two of the regional junior track and field championships, at the Rene Serge Nabajoth Stadium in Guadeloupe, on Sunday.
The 15-year-old Trinidad and Tobago athlete followed up on Saturday's record-breaking golden run in the boys under-17 1,500m event with 3,000m gold and a couple more records.
Nero topped the field in eight minutes, 53.42 seconds, chopping more than 17 seconds off the previous Games standard. The clocking is also a new national under-17 record.
Janeil Bellille seized silver in the girls under-20 400m hurdles. The T&T athlete got home in 59.76 seconds to finish behind Jamaica's Sherene Pinnock (57.50) and ahead of Bahamian Natayla Beneby (1:00.96). Bellille's teammate Kelly Ann Romeo was fifth in 1:05.93.
Kerron Browne added another silver to the T&T medals bag when he copped second spot in the boys open heptathlon. Browne accumulated 4,432 points in the seven-discipline event. The gold medal went to Grenadian Joel Phillip (5,074), while bronze was bagged by his compatriot Kurt Felix (4,311).
In the boys open pole vault, T&T's Kriston Caraballo snapped up silver with a 3.70 metres clearance.
Deandra Daniel, Akeela Bravo and Venice Frederick claimed individual bronze medals for T&T. Daniel cleared the bar at 1.68m for third spot in the girls under-17 high jump. In the girls under-17 discus, Bravo produced a 31.90m effort to finish behind Barbadian Akilah Martin (34.02m) and Alexandra Terry (32.69m) of the Cayman Islands. And in the five-discipline pentathlon, Frederick was third with 2,700 points.
T&T also bagged bronze in each of the four 4x100m events.
The boys under-20 quartet of Sadiki James, Keston Bledman, Kieron Anthony and Marlon Douglas got the baton round the track in 40.87 seconds. In the boys under-17 race, Joel Romain, Joel Dillon, Kendal Bacchus and Sherman Allsop produced a 42.22 seconds run. Jurnelle Francis, Semoy Hackett, Bellille and Reyare Thomas got home in 45.72 in the girls under-20 4x100m. And in the girls under-17 sprint relay, Michelle Lee Ahyee, Cadajah Spencer, Cassie Caprieta and Nyoka Giles combined for a 46.21 seconds clocking.
SELECTED DAY 2 RESULTS
Boys under-17 3,000m
1 Gavyn Nero (T&T) 8:53.42 (Carifta & T&T record)
2 Kemoy Campbell (Jamaica) 8:53.71
3 Matthew Spring (Bermuda) 9:18.74
Girls under-20 400m hurdles
1 Sherene Pinnock (Jamaica) 57.50
2 Janeil Bellille (T&T) 59.76
3 Natayla Beneby (Bahamas) 1:00.96
5 Kelly Ann Romeo (T&T) 1:05.93
Girls under-17 300m hurdles
1 Tracey Shana Kay (Jamaica) 41.64
2 Kierre Beckles (Barbados) 41.76
3 Krystal Bodie (Bahamas) 42.13
6 Sparkle McKnight (T&T) 45.76
Boys under-20 4x100m
1 Jamaica 39.81
2 Barbados 40.82
3 T&T 40.87
Girls under-20 4x100m
1 Jamaica 44.91
2 Bahamas 45.27
3 T&T 45.72
Boys under-17 4x100m
1 Jamaica 41.39
2 Bahamas 41.62
3 T&T 42.22
Girls under-17 4x100m
1 Jamaica 45.66
2 Bahamas 46.17
3 T&T 46.21
Girls under-17 high jump
1 Misha Gaye Da Costa (J'ca) 1.75m
2 Georgia Bordy (Guadeloupe) 1.68m
3 Deandra Daniel (T&T) 1.68m
4 Jeanelle Ovid (T&T) 1.68m
Boys open pole vault
1 Lorenzo Johnson (Jamaica) 3.80m
2 Kriston Caraballo (T&T) 3.70m
- Maxime Lecoq (Martinique) NH (No Height)
Girls under-17 discus
1 Akilah Martin (Barbados) 34.02m
2 Alexandra Terry (Cayman Islands) 32.69m
3 Akeela Bravo (T&T) 31.90m
Boys under-20 javelin
1 Jonathan Denis (Guadeloupe) 56.61m
2 Rohan Gill (Barbados) 55.31m
3 Kenton Olive (Grenada) 54.19m
4 Kerron Browne (T&T) 52.71m
Boys open heptathlon
1 Joel Phillip (Grenada) 5,074 points
2 Kerron Brown (T&T) 4,432
3 Kurt Felix (Grenada) 4,311
Girls open pentathlon
1 Shannise Wright (Bahamas) 3,326
2 Andrea Moss (Bahamas) 3,206
3 Venice Frederick (T&T) 2,700
18
Football / wha is da 1 me mum??
« on: April 14, 2006, 07:01:31 AM »
wha me mum doin jed?
& check avery mackoin!!
19
Jokes / foul language
« on: April 13, 2006, 01:17:47 PM »
Foul Language
All of you ladies out there please excuse the rough language in the following story...
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic....", then suddenly she burst out crying ... "But Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful four letter words! You've got to take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah!" her mother said, "calm down! Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT four letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you mama" wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME PLEASE!!"
"Darling! Baby! You must tell me what has you so upset! Tell your mother these horrible four letter words!"
Sobbing the bride said, "Oh Mama... he used words like 'dust', 'wash', 'iron', 'cook'..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
All of you ladies out there please excuse the rough language in the following story...
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic....", then suddenly she burst out crying ... "But Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful four letter words! You've got to take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah!" her mother said, "calm down! Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT four letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you mama" wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME PLEASE!!"
"Darling! Baby! You must tell me what has you so upset! Tell your mother these horrible four letter words!"
Sobbing the bride said, "Oh Mama... he used words like 'dust', 'wash', 'iron', 'cook'..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
20
Three men in a bar liming. so d first man ask the first man start tuh cry so the nex 2 ask him wha he crying for?
he say "boy my wife horning me wit a plumber."
"but how u know that?" they ask
he say "i find he tool belt under the bed"
the second man start to buss tears now. so dey ask wha u crying for?
he say "my wife horning he wit ah doctor"
"but how u know that?" they ask
he say "i find he stethoscope under the bed"
The last man start to buss tears now so dey ask him what he crying for?
he say "my wife horning me with a horse"
"but how u know that?" they ask
he say " i find the jockey under the bed"
he say "boy my wife horning me wit a plumber."
"but how u know that?" they ask
he say "i find he tool belt under the bed"
the second man start to buss tears now. so dey ask wha u crying for?
he say "my wife horning he wit ah doctor"
"but how u know that?" they ask
he say "i find he stethoscope under the bed"
The last man start to buss tears now so dey ask him what he crying for?
he say "my wife horning me with a horse"
"but how u know that?" they ask
he say " i find the jockey under the bed"
21
Football / Henry to reebok
« on: April 12, 2006, 02:47:10 AM »
Henry defects to Reebok
Mark Sweney
Tuesday April 11, 2006
Henry: positive image will boost Reebok's European standing. Photograph: PA
Nike star Thierry Henry has defected to rival Reebok to become the new face of the sports brand's controversial "I am what I am" campaign.
The Arsenal footballer will move to Reebok from August 1 after his involvement with Nike's World Cup 2006 advertising is complete.
Reebok ran into trouble last year after American-produced ads featured controversial rapper 50 Cent referring to the fact he had been shot nine times and survived.
Groups including anti-gun charity The Disarm Trust attacked the ads for glorifying gang and gun culture and "preying on young impressionable black males".
The signing of Henry, whose positive image was reinforced by his appearance in Nike's "Stand up, speak up" anti-racism campaign - is a notable coup for Reebok as it pushes its brand in Europe.
In the UK, the company has signed boxing prodigy Amir Khan, although so far he has only been used in non-broadcast advertising such as on bus shelters.
Paul Harrington, the president and chief executive of Reebok, said: "We will market [Henry] in ways that demonstrate to Europe and the world the perfect fit that lies between Reebok and Thierry. His public stance against racism and his commitment to social issues outside of football epitomise our 'I am what I am' brand campaign."
Henry's signing follows the acquisition of Reebok by Adidas-Salomon in a £2.1bn deal, finalised in January and aimed at taking on the might of Nike, the market leader.
Outlining wider plans for the Reebok brand today, the Adidas chief executive, Herbert Hainer, said women were a key target audience.
The Reebok brand will branch out into clothing for activities such as pilates and capoeira. However, the main brand push will be behind the Adidas by Stella McCartney range in a bid to capture the female market.
"On top of the enormous buying power that women have in our industry, the continued fusion of fashion and performance products gives this category added importance," said Mr Hainer.
Meanwhile, the German company will launch a bid to take on Nike in the American giant's home territory, signing an 11-year deal with the National Basketball Association.
Adidas was already an NBA marketing partner while Reebok has been the NBA's exclusive uniform and clothing provider since 2001.
Under the new agreement Adidas will provide the official uniform and clothing for the NBA as well as opening a co-branded NBA shop in New York.
http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,1751682,00.html
Mark Sweney
Tuesday April 11, 2006
Henry: positive image will boost Reebok's European standing. Photograph: PA
Nike star Thierry Henry has defected to rival Reebok to become the new face of the sports brand's controversial "I am what I am" campaign.
The Arsenal footballer will move to Reebok from August 1 after his involvement with Nike's World Cup 2006 advertising is complete.
Reebok ran into trouble last year after American-produced ads featured controversial rapper 50 Cent referring to the fact he had been shot nine times and survived.
Groups including anti-gun charity The Disarm Trust attacked the ads for glorifying gang and gun culture and "preying on young impressionable black males".
The signing of Henry, whose positive image was reinforced by his appearance in Nike's "Stand up, speak up" anti-racism campaign - is a notable coup for Reebok as it pushes its brand in Europe.
In the UK, the company has signed boxing prodigy Amir Khan, although so far he has only been used in non-broadcast advertising such as on bus shelters.
Paul Harrington, the president and chief executive of Reebok, said: "We will market [Henry] in ways that demonstrate to Europe and the world the perfect fit that lies between Reebok and Thierry. His public stance against racism and his commitment to social issues outside of football epitomise our 'I am what I am' brand campaign."
Henry's signing follows the acquisition of Reebok by Adidas-Salomon in a £2.1bn deal, finalised in January and aimed at taking on the might of Nike, the market leader.
Outlining wider plans for the Reebok brand today, the Adidas chief executive, Herbert Hainer, said women were a key target audience.
The Reebok brand will branch out into clothing for activities such as pilates and capoeira. However, the main brand push will be behind the Adidas by Stella McCartney range in a bid to capture the female market.
"On top of the enormous buying power that women have in our industry, the continued fusion of fashion and performance products gives this category added importance," said Mr Hainer.
Meanwhile, the German company will launch a bid to take on Nike in the American giant's home territory, signing an 11-year deal with the National Basketball Association.
Adidas was already an NBA marketing partner while Reebok has been the NBA's exclusive uniform and clothing provider since 2001.
Under the new agreement Adidas will provide the official uniform and clothing for the NBA as well as opening a co-branded NBA shop in New York.
http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,1751682,00.html
22
Jokes / jamaican in a brothel
« on: April 11, 2006, 10:04:15 AM »
A madame had a brothel which offered different rates depending on where u wanted to do your business.
$100 on the front lawn
$200 the couch
$300 in a bed
whole day she only getting $100 customers & a few $200 customers. Finally a jamaican pass thru & drop $300 on the table.
She watches him & exaclaims "finally somebody with sum class"
Jamaican: "class mi ras...3 times pon d grass"
$100 on the front lawn
$200 the couch
$300 in a bed
whole day she only getting $100 customers & a few $200 customers. Finally a jamaican pass thru & drop $300 on the table.
She watches him & exaclaims "finally somebody with sum class"
Jamaican: "class mi ras...3 times pon d grass"
23
Football / WC ones to watch
« on: April 11, 2006, 05:52:09 AM »
Stern scoring like rain....
Scotland scoring like rain...
& still up to now ah t&t man cyah make dat list?
http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/w/ptw/zones/index.html
dey go be watching when stern buss d net against sweden, engald & paraguay doh
allhyu men tink at least stern shud be dey?
Scotland scoring like rain...
& still up to now ah t&t man cyah make dat list?
http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/w/ptw/zones/index.htmldey go be watching when stern buss d net against sweden, engald & paraguay doh
allhyu men tink at least stern shud be dey?
24
Jokes / Tink b4 yuh talk
« on: April 08, 2006, 10:31:50 AM »
Here are 6 reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the word back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.??I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident? "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true story...We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the word back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.??I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident? "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true story...We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
25
Football / Before Maradona and Pele
« on: January 31, 2006, 05:54:59 AM »
Men always arguing between who is d greatest between maradona & pele...but wha i wanna know is who was considered the world's greatest player b4 them fellas come along?
26
Anybody saw the game just now between Man U & Liverpool? Did u notice the speed displayed by the young man!! it is unbelievable...& to imagine he is coming up against the notoriously slow Dog & Tallest. i think we have some serious preparations to do to control this threat.
27
Football / We should take example
« on: January 22, 2006, 01:56:00 AM »
Togo's Emmanuel Adebayor on
National unity
Those feats have seen Adebayor voted one of Africa's top five footballers in each of the last two years. But the 1.91m-tall striker claims that Togo's success is down, first and foremost, to a spirit of unity, on the pitch and behind the scenes. "First of all, I want to express my gratitude to the public and the supporters," he said. "And I also want to thank the Government for all that they have done to back the team as this has really contributed to our success. We are building a real team spirit, and I know that I speak for all my team-mates when I say that we will be doing everything possible to give everyone as much pleasure as possible."
Uefa.com
http://www.uefa.com/magazine/news/Kind=512/newsId=386720.html
Now y we gonverment cyah be so?
National unity
Those feats have seen Adebayor voted one of Africa's top five footballers in each of the last two years. But the 1.91m-tall striker claims that Togo's success is down, first and foremost, to a spirit of unity, on the pitch and behind the scenes. "First of all, I want to express my gratitude to the public and the supporters," he said. "And I also want to thank the Government for all that they have done to back the team as this has really contributed to our success. We are building a real team spirit, and I know that I speak for all my team-mates when I say that we will be doing everything possible to give everyone as much pleasure as possible."
Uefa.com
http://www.uefa.com/magazine/news/Kind=512/newsId=386720.html
Now y we gonverment cyah be so?
28
Football / Work on stadiums may delay trial for local players
« on: January 20, 2006, 06:10:54 AM »
Renovation work being done to all four stadiums locally could jeopardise the amount of time the local players will have to impress national coach Leo Beenhakker.
Following the Soca Warriors qualification for the World Cup Finals in Germany from June 9 to July 9, the 63-year-old national coach said that the door was open to all players with a T&T passport in respect to having a chance of making the 23-man squad.
With that in mind, Beenhakker, who returned to T&T on Monday had expressed his desire to have a look at more local players and with the help of assistant coaches, Wim Rijsbergen and Anton Corneal is expected to conduct some trial sessions to a selected group of players.
But contacted yesterday, team manager Bruce Aanensen said: “At the moment we are finding it difficult to get a venue to conduct the sessions on Saturday. All the stadiums are said to be under repairs and coach Beenhakker said he will like to have two sessions this weekend so we are still looking around for a venue,” he confirmed.
“I guess with this being the Carnival season and not much sporting activities taking place they had already singled out this two week period to do repairs on the venues, which is welcome if we want to maintain our venues,” he added.
Asked what will the coaches do if nothing becomes available, Aanensen said that assistant coach Corneal is working on two venues, the Marvin Lee Stadium and another one not yet to be named. (NS)
Guardian 20th January 2006
Following the Soca Warriors qualification for the World Cup Finals in Germany from June 9 to July 9, the 63-year-old national coach said that the door was open to all players with a T&T passport in respect to having a chance of making the 23-man squad.
With that in mind, Beenhakker, who returned to T&T on Monday had expressed his desire to have a look at more local players and with the help of assistant coaches, Wim Rijsbergen and Anton Corneal is expected to conduct some trial sessions to a selected group of players.
But contacted yesterday, team manager Bruce Aanensen said: “At the moment we are finding it difficult to get a venue to conduct the sessions on Saturday. All the stadiums are said to be under repairs and coach Beenhakker said he will like to have two sessions this weekend so we are still looking around for a venue,” he confirmed.
“I guess with this being the Carnival season and not much sporting activities taking place they had already singled out this two week period to do repairs on the venues, which is welcome if we want to maintain our venues,” he added.
Asked what will the coaches do if nothing becomes available, Aanensen said that assistant coach Corneal is working on two venues, the Marvin Lee Stadium and another one not yet to be named. (NS)
Guardian 20th January 2006
29
Football / callin TriniInfinite
« on: January 08, 2006, 09:52:57 PM »
Dear Mr. TriniInfite sir.
As much as i totally respect ur unequivocal & unwavering support for one kerwyn "hardest" jemmott, i along with many other forumites would like to no exactly what is ur link to the one they call "hardest".
Is he ur neh-nen, yuh granny, yuh tanty, yuh uncle, yuh daddy, yuh son, yuh nephew? are u even related?
I in no way mean this as a personal attack on u & i am not doubting that u are in contact with him or that u do talk to him, but i think it is about time u let us in on ur little secret about the relationship of u and "hardest" if u have not aleady done so.
thank you
PS mind u i not doubting the man skill either.
As much as i totally respect ur unequivocal & unwavering support for one kerwyn "hardest" jemmott, i along with many other forumites would like to no exactly what is ur link to the one they call "hardest".
Is he ur neh-nen, yuh granny, yuh tanty, yuh uncle, yuh daddy, yuh son, yuh nephew? are u even related?
I in no way mean this as a personal attack on u & i am not doubting that u are in contact with him or that u do talk to him, but i think it is about time u let us in on ur little secret about the relationship of u and "hardest" if u have not aleady done so.
thank you
PS mind u i not doubting the man skill either.
30
Football / Lasana Liburd responds to Warner's war cry
« on: January 03, 2006, 07:51:20 PM »
'I'm no hatchet man'
By: Lasana Liburd (Express).
FIFA vice-president Jack Warner had an unusual response to a series done by myself in the Daily Express which looked critically at the ethics of Warner's joint role as football administrator for FIFA and the Trinidad and Tobago Football Federation (TTFF) and businessman that appeared to have overlapped in the case of Trinidad and Tobago's World Cup match tickets.
Warner began by saying that I (Lasana Liburd) attended Arima Government Secondary where the principal and vice-principal were both Warners, while his son, Daryan, suggested that I was actually being educated by a third Warner.
His opening set the tone of his press conference yesterday.
I never attended Arima Government Secondary nor was I ever taught by a Warner. For the record, I did O-Levels at St Mary's College before writing A-Levels at Arima Senior Comprehensive.
Not that I understand what my schooling has to do with Simpaul Travel and its deal for World Cup tickets, which will cost Trinidad and Tobago fans $30,000 each.
Warner also suggested that I was in the service of the ruling PNM party as "a hatchet man" and made a baseless accusation that I had co-authored and am billed to serialise for the Daily Express a book with English writer Andrew Jennings.
More importantly, however, it had nothing to do with the issue at hand.
Warner, who offered just over five minutes for questions by reporters, was not as unambiguous when he spoke about the allocation of World Cup tickets meant for Trinidad and Tobago and his dual role within Simpaul and the TTFF.
Warner admitted that he owned Simpaul Travel, which he bought in 1992, and that they purchased the rights to act as the TTFF's official and "exclusive" travel agent.
However, Warner saw no conflict of interest despite his role within both organisations and even claimed that it was a bonus to both parties.
After confirming that Simpaul had exclusive rights to TTFF's ticket allotment, though, Warner and his son and company director, Daryan, then said other companies were free to "mirror" their packages if they chose.
The catch was that these tickets must be bought from Simpaul rather than the TTFF as Anthony Harford of All Sport Promotions and Dr Nigel Camacho of the Trini Posse told the Daily Express.
The question about how many tickets were allocated to the T&TFF was another ticklish issue.
The Australian Football Federation announced to its football fans that it received 8,500 tickets from FIFA and those were sold on December 20 from TT$287 for an individual ticket to TT$2,443 for a package of three Category One tickets.
FIFA's website states that each football association "will receive eight per cent of all purchasable tickets in the stadium", while a TTFF release on December 14 said that "close to 4,500 tickets will be made available to the T&T Football Federation".
Yesterday, though, Warner said he had no idea how many tickets the country would receive and that the local body had not even applied for its allocation yet.
He claimed that the tickets Simpaul was offering at present were purchased from an unnamed "European tour operator".
Warner and his son refused to say how many tickets his company had acquired.
"I cannot see how that is anybody's business," said Warner. "Simpaul is a private company."
"Simpaul is not the TTFF and does not have to respond to you," Daryan added.
Warner also said that KPMG, and not Kenny Rampersad, was the TTFF's auditors.
He did not say whether Rampersad, whose company sold and accounted for match tickets among other tasks, was recently terminated or was never in their hire.
He criticised the Daily Express series for suggesting that "Kenny Rampersad is a director of Simpaul Travel", but the three-part series said no such thing.
Rather, the Daily Express article revealed that Rampersad was authorised to act on behalf of Simpaul on at least one matter and wondered if it were ethical for the accountant, like Warner, to have a dual role.
The connection between Warner's role as administrator and businessman and the price that Trinidad and Tobago fans must pay because of it was the point of my series. Pity he felt that my imaginary links with the PNM and Arima Government Secondary were more relevant.
By: Lasana Liburd (Express).
FIFA vice-president Jack Warner had an unusual response to a series done by myself in the Daily Express which looked critically at the ethics of Warner's joint role as football administrator for FIFA and the Trinidad and Tobago Football Federation (TTFF) and businessman that appeared to have overlapped in the case of Trinidad and Tobago's World Cup match tickets.
Warner began by saying that I (Lasana Liburd) attended Arima Government Secondary where the principal and vice-principal were both Warners, while his son, Daryan, suggested that I was actually being educated by a third Warner.
His opening set the tone of his press conference yesterday.
I never attended Arima Government Secondary nor was I ever taught by a Warner. For the record, I did O-Levels at St Mary's College before writing A-Levels at Arima Senior Comprehensive.
Not that I understand what my schooling has to do with Simpaul Travel and its deal for World Cup tickets, which will cost Trinidad and Tobago fans $30,000 each.
Warner also suggested that I was in the service of the ruling PNM party as "a hatchet man" and made a baseless accusation that I had co-authored and am billed to serialise for the Daily Express a book with English writer Andrew Jennings.
More importantly, however, it had nothing to do with the issue at hand.
Warner, who offered just over five minutes for questions by reporters, was not as unambiguous when he spoke about the allocation of World Cup tickets meant for Trinidad and Tobago and his dual role within Simpaul and the TTFF.
Warner admitted that he owned Simpaul Travel, which he bought in 1992, and that they purchased the rights to act as the TTFF's official and "exclusive" travel agent.
However, Warner saw no conflict of interest despite his role within both organisations and even claimed that it was a bonus to both parties.
After confirming that Simpaul had exclusive rights to TTFF's ticket allotment, though, Warner and his son and company director, Daryan, then said other companies were free to "mirror" their packages if they chose.
The catch was that these tickets must be bought from Simpaul rather than the TTFF as Anthony Harford of All Sport Promotions and Dr Nigel Camacho of the Trini Posse told the Daily Express.
The question about how many tickets were allocated to the T&TFF was another ticklish issue.
The Australian Football Federation announced to its football fans that it received 8,500 tickets from FIFA and those were sold on December 20 from TT$287 for an individual ticket to TT$2,443 for a package of three Category One tickets.
FIFA's website states that each football association "will receive eight per cent of all purchasable tickets in the stadium", while a TTFF release on December 14 said that "close to 4,500 tickets will be made available to the T&T Football Federation".
Yesterday, though, Warner said he had no idea how many tickets the country would receive and that the local body had not even applied for its allocation yet.
He claimed that the tickets Simpaul was offering at present were purchased from an unnamed "European tour operator".
Warner and his son refused to say how many tickets his company had acquired.
"I cannot see how that is anybody's business," said Warner. "Simpaul is a private company."
"Simpaul is not the TTFF and does not have to respond to you," Daryan added.
Warner also said that KPMG, and not Kenny Rampersad, was the TTFF's auditors.
He did not say whether Rampersad, whose company sold and accounted for match tickets among other tasks, was recently terminated or was never in their hire.
He criticised the Daily Express series for suggesting that "Kenny Rampersad is a director of Simpaul Travel", but the three-part series said no such thing.
Rather, the Daily Express article revealed that Rampersad was authorised to act on behalf of Simpaul on at least one matter and wondered if it were ethical for the accountant, like Warner, to have a dual role.
The connection between Warner's role as administrator and businessman and the price that Trinidad and Tobago fans must pay because of it was the point of my series. Pity he felt that my imaginary links with the PNM and Arima Government Secondary were more relevant.
Pages: [1] 2