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Topics - dtool

Pages: [1] 2 3
1
Other Sports / Horse racing
« on: June 11, 2020, 09:52:07 PM »
Need some help
I don’t have the answers to these questions
1) When was the last time that we had
     horse racing in POS
2)  What was the result in the last race of that
     meeting
3)  Same questions as above for
 Union Park

Thanks
Dtool



     
 
     

R the
 

 question
2)   
     
t
E
when was the last time
Were
E
E

2
General Discussion / Rudy “Fountainhead” Piggott passes
« on: August 14, 2018, 12:03:22 PM »
The end of an era today
The end of the Fountainhead
Dtool

3
Jokes / A Senior’s Dilemma
« on: January 09, 2018, 07:21:28 PM »

Best one so far for 2018

I went to Massy on Tuesday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of 'Old Oak Rum',
and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off
the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the 'Old Oak Rum'
before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off my bicycle
seven times on the way home.

4
Jokes / Better homemade pizza ....in the (near?) future..
« on: July 21, 2017, 09:32:08 AM »
      A little smile on Friday

 Better homemade pizza ....in the (near?) future..

        - Hello! Gordon's pizza?
        - No sir, it's Google's pizza.
        - So it's a wrong number?
        - No sir, Google bought it.
        - OK. Take my order please ..
        - Well sir, you want the usual?
        - The usual? You know me?
        - According to our caller ID, the last 12 times, you
          ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust.
        - OK! This is it.
        - May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
        - No, I hate vegetables.
        - But your cholesterol is not good.
        - How do you know?
        - Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your
          blood tests for the last 7 years.
        - Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine.
        - You have not taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago, you
          only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network.
        - I bought more from another drugstore.
        - It's not showing on your credit card.
        - I paid in cash.
        - But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement.
        - I have other source of cash.
        - This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from
          undeclared income source.
        - WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp.
        I'm going to an Island without internet, where there is no cell phone line and
        no one to spy on me.
        - I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it expired 5 weeks ago


5
Jokes / Post Tortoise
« on: March 26, 2017, 11:19:41 AM »

Another one for the books .........

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the elderly man. Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as President elect of the United States

The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'Post Tortoise' was.

 
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a Post Tortoise."


The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

 
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb asses put him up there to begin with."

6
Jokes / NEED A CHUCKLE?
« on: August 10, 2016, 04:14:45 PM »
        NEED A CHUCKLE?
         
        It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
        the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into
        Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy
        would go into effect at noon the next day.
         
        So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of
        Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly
        asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was
        going when you died."
         
        "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on
        my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover
        was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife
        was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
        Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
        balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
        fingertips!
         
        The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on
        his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he
        landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.
        This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the
        first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly
        enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator.
        I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the
        side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the
        moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost
        instantly
."
         
        The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have
        a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK,
        sir.. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
         
        A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it
        was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear
        about what your day was like when you died."
         
        Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
        on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I
        had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to
        relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and
        accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips
        on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes
        running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my
        fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the
        bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on
        the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain,
        I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It
        falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me.

         
        The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.
        "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very
        well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he
        lets Trump enter.
         
        A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
        almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
        through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell
        me what it was like the day you died."
         
        Clinton says, "OK, picture this.  I'm naked, inside a refrigerator......"


7
Jokes / He is Just a Gigolo
« on: May 13, 2016, 02:54:00 PM »
    The Italian Gigolo
Joey at Confession:

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'

10
Jokes / Mahatma Gandhi ....
« on: October 21, 2015, 06:31:15 AM »
When Mahatma Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him..

Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him as he expected, there were always "arguments" and confrontations. One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat."

Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table. Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions.

Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. "Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?" Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course."

Mr. Peters, smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don't you think?" Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."

Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi.. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.

A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

11
General Discussion / How to study in the US
« on: October 07, 2015, 05:09:44 PM »

12
Jokes / WHO AM I?????
« on: August 22, 2015, 03:15:42 PM »

A popular comedian went to entertain some old folks. He asked, “Do you know who I am?”
After a long pause, a guy said, “No, but if you go to the receptionist she may be able to help you.
From Freddie Kissoon

13
Jokes / Old Age At Its Best
« on: June 11, 2015, 08:06:34 AM »
   

Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the birds and discuss world problems.
One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?

Larry replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 95 years old, I was so proud that when I got to court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.

14
Entertainment & Culture Discussion / DC's Filmfest
« on: April 04, 2015, 10:47:43 AM »

This year’s DC’s Filmfest will feature 3 movies from TnT, including God Loves the Fighter; Pan – Our Music Odyssey; and The Glamour Boyz Again.
 
http://www.filmfestdc.org/filmListSel.cfm?selCountry=Tobago
 
Each will have two showings – great chance to support local filmmakers.

15
Jokes / When Grandma Goes To Court
« on: January 26, 2015, 08:06:23 PM »
When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why yes I do know you since you were a little boy, and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think your a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?

She replied, “Why yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem, He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said:
“If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”

16
Jokes / 40th wedding anniversary
« on: December 29, 2014, 11:33:06 AM »
 A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.
 
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
 
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
 
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world
with my darling husband.'
 
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her
hands.
 
The husband thought for a moment:
'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I'm
sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me.'
 
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish.!
 
So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!...
 
The husband became 92 years old.
 
The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful bastards should
remember fairies are female......

17
Football / Pelé Added to NSCAA 2015 Convention Roster
« on: December 11, 2014, 07:20:24 AM »

FYI

Pelé at the Convention:

In addition to attending a number of Convention events, Pelé is also appearing on behalf of G-Form, a Rhode Island-based company that has revolutionized protective gear. The company will be officially introducing its new shin guard technology to the U.S. market the week of the Convention.

“I want to thank the NSCAA for again welcoming me back to its esteemed event. It has been a while since I was last able to attend,” Pelé said. “I’m excited to see how the event has grown, as well as represent G-Form and educate everyone about this great technology.”

The 2015 NSCAA Convention is Pelé’s fourth time attending the event. He previously attended in 1990 in Cincinnati to receive the NSCAA Honorary All-America award. He was also a special guest at the 1994 Convention in Santa Clara, and 1998 Convention in Cincinnati.

http://www.nscaa.com/news/2014/12/2015-convention--pele-as-special-guest?utm_medium=short_url

Featured Guests/Presenters: 
                                                                                     
Landon Donovan
USMNT and MLS Player,
LA Galaxy
   
Laura Harvey
Head Coach,
Seattle Reign

Sir Alex Ferguson (Honorary All-American)
Legendary Head Coach,
Formerly Manchester United FC

Miguel Cardoso
U21 Head Coach,
FC Shakhtar

Schedule:

https://www.nscaaconvention.com/ehome/nscaa15/schedule/?&


18
Jokes / Mixed religion seminar
« on: December 02, 2014, 06:55:12 AM »

                              Mixed religion seminar

I decided to go to the mixed religion seminar for the first time.
I sat down and then the Catholic Priest came up to me, laid his hands on my head and said "By the will of God the Almighty and Jesus Christ, you will walk today".
I told him I was not paralysed.

Then came the pentecostal minister and laid his hands on me and said “By the will of God the Almighty, you will walk today'.
Again I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

Then came the Muslim Imam and laid his hands on me and said “By the will of Allah the Almighty, you will walk today'.
Again I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
Then came The Buddhist monk and laid his hands on me and said “By the will of Buddha, you will walk today'
Again I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the prayers and sermons, I stepped outside and lo and behold, my car had been stolen !

GOD DOES WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS !
 
 
 

19
Jokes / RYE BREAD
« on: November 03, 2014, 05:36:15 AM »

                                        Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench.


The 87-year-old had just  finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to

have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking

around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

20
Other Sports / Preakness on Saturday
« on: May 15, 2014, 05:21:57 AM »

California Chrome looks good again ....

http://www.preakness.com/race-info

21
General Discussion / Happy Mother's Day
« on: May 09, 2014, 06:53:44 AM »
                        What My/Our Mother Taught us ........
I like 6;16-17

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

22
Other Sports / Kentucky Derby on Saturday
« on: May 01, 2014, 08:45:33 PM »

California Chrome looks good.

http://www.kentuckyderby.com/horses

Dtool

23
Jokes / Bring back the Blonde jokes!!!!!
« on: February 25, 2014, 06:11:27 AM »
Old but great for the snow days:

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in England
were listening to the radio during breakfast.  They heard the
announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow
today.  You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the
street, so  the Snowploughs can get through.  "So the good wife
went out and moved her car.
 
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so
the Snowploughs can get through.  The good wife went out and moved
her car again.
 
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park...." Then the electric power went out.  The good
wife was  very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
said, "I don't know what to do.  Which side of the street do I
need to park on so the Snowploughs can get through?"
 
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men
who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied;

 "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."
 
 ......I didn't see it coming either!
 
 
 



24
General Discussion / Dr. Frederick (Howard University)
« on: December 12, 2013, 06:10:30 AM »
FYI
He was the manager of the HU 1988 team that was second in the NCAA championship with SHAKA HISLOP
losing to Indiana (1-0)

http://guardian.co.tt/lifestyle/2013-12-09/25-years-love-howard-university

Dtool

26
Jokes / Best Responses
« on: July 13, 2013, 02:17:06 PM »

This was sent to me .....

Number 1:
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Number 2:
Now We Know Why He Was a General ----- "May He Rest In Peace"
In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

NUMBER 3:
Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages?


"Oh, no ma'am, we don't go there to talk."

NUMBER 4:  "My Personal Favorite" - Don Maness

Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 "Tomcat" Fighter.  Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Site: ( ... total silence)

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