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Topics - mwanasoka

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1
Jokes / jamaican wife
« on: March 02, 2010, 04:31:49 AM »
A Jamaican man is sitting watching TV and his wife comes

up behind him and bock him with a frying pan.
 
"Aaahh! Wat dat fa?" he shout.

"Me find one paper inna yuh pocket

wid a gyal name pon it, "Miss Melba" says his wife.

"Wa yuh mean? Me an' me fren' Leroy gorn a race track

last week and Miss Melba is de name a de horse dat run

inna de first race," him plead.
 
Two days later he is sitting watching TV again and

"whack!"- one brute lick inna im
 
headback with the back of ah dutch-pot.
 
"Ooowww," he barlout. "Wa' dat ah fa now?"
 
"Yuh orse deh pan di phone"!   >:(


2
Jokes / boastful christians.
« on: February 02, 2010, 11:59:52 AM »
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.  When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
 
 
Built,Tall, 38,24,36.
 
 
When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."



3
Jokes / braking news !!!
« on: January 13, 2010, 04:52:37 AM »
Since his little affairs have come to light,



several of Tiger Woods' sponsors have dropped him.

 

However, Pfizer has decided to sponsor him.

 

 

They are making a new drug called Tiagra.  It's good for 18 holes.
 
 


 
 
boi ! look like Tiger cum thru fuh we oui !
 

 



4
Jokes / It's all in Pun !
« on: January 01, 2010, 04:32:01 PM »
1.  The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
   
    Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
2.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
 
     it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
 
3.  She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
 
4.  A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class
 
     because it was a weapon of math disruption.
 
5.  The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a
 
     little behind in his work.
 
6.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
 
     still be stationery.
 
7.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and
 
     was cited for littering.
 
8.  A hand grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
 
     result in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
9.  Tsilk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
 
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
11.  A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
 
      police are looking into it.
 
12.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
13.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One
 
      hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a
 
      head.'
 
14.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then,
 
      it hit me.
 
15.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said,
 
      'Keep off the Grass.'
 
16.  A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
 
      hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,  a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
 
17.  A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
18.  The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
 
      small medium at large.
 
19.  The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
 
       now a seasoned veteran.
 
20.   A backward poet writes inverse.
 
21.   In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In
 
       feudalism, it's your count that votes.
 
22 .  When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of
 
       religion.
 
23.   Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

24.   A shipment go by car while a cargo go by ship.

??. 

Happy New Year To All and A Bright and Prosperous 2010.

5
Jokes / one-legged women
« on: December 19, 2009, 12:33:56 AM »
If Big-Chested women work at HOOTERS




Where do "ONE-LEGGED" women work???

 




Scroll down for the answer....

           

                 



           

                God forgive me.
 

             
                   

 
 :devil:

6
Jokes / Effective Workplace Communication
« on: December 09, 2009, 06:05:28 PM »
Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
 


Thank You,

Human Resources





 


7
Football / Candidate for New Warrior Coach Identified.
« on: November 18, 2009, 08:10:01 PM »
Last sunday in Legos Nigeria,Switzerland unleashed the 11 Jewel Clockwork Crimson the likes of which I have seldom seen.The debutant swiss were very noticable from early on in the tournament with a very conservative defense,likewise offence.Their plan was to neutralize potentially strong teams and eke out whatever goals the opponents were willing to concede,thereby forcinging teams to defeat themselves by commiting forced and unforced errors.Their team shape afforded excellent defensive coverage and exquisit offensive support.Their clockwork-like teamwork was the product of a little known  coach Dany Ryser.Looking at the young boys he forged into shape,I couldn't help but notice that they were not physically nor mentally superior to the Soca Warriors U17 nor U20.They were adept at absorbing the instructions of their coach.Their minds were trained to be more receptive to the concept of The Clockwork Crimson.( teamwork.... conditioning,coverage,speed and support ) .... You know,like the Marines / Navy Seals !

      This is the coach that Soca Warriors need at it's helm.The accomplishments that Trinidad and Tobago is capable of achieving with Dany Ryser as its coach could be unbelievable.
At his disposal would be a group of historiclly skilfull and speedy atheletes whom I believe could,duplicate if not surpass the swiss performance,to benefit our program in preparation for Brazil 2014.The final question is,Can he be enticed into proving that his technique can be duplicated with even the smallest pool of players from which to choose as the coach of the tiniest nation to have qualified  for the WC Finals, if the price is right that is !

        In a nutshell Dany Ryser got his team to perform as if football is played from the neck up.  Ryser showed that to be a success, top teams need much more than athleticism, and individual skills.  A simple fact we just do not grasp.  Again and again we see the starboy mentality -  a player receives the ball and holds on to it. We seem to put individuality above the basic premise of the game which is teamwide pressure,passing and creating and restricting space.  Let's see if the TTFF is paying attention. What do you think ?


8
Football / Brazil vs England 11/14/09
« on: November 08, 2009, 11:51:13 AM »
Brazil vs. England (11/14/09)


On FSC (est.)
USA  vs  SVK  @ 10:am
BRA  vs  ENG   @ 12:pm

Will be an opportunity to try some
new talent for both teams.Who will
it be for Brazil ?

10
Jokes / TRINI MOVIES WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE.
« on: September 17, 2009, 03:42:52 PM »
TRINI MOVIES WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE:

I Know What You Did Last Dry Season
 Four Prayers And A Puja
 Men In Brown
 There's Something About Primatee
 How To Kill A Corbeau (Mockingbird)
 Panorama (Titanic)
 Republic Day
 A Trinidadian Werewolf In Guyana
 Biptee, The Soucouyant Slayer
 Rumble In The Beetham
 Lethal Cutlass 1, 2, 3 &4
 Rubbing Wood and his parang side
 Big Stone (The Rock)
 Shanty Town Of Angels
 Driving Miss Mazie
 Pointless
 Nightmare On Frederick Street
 The Manicou King
 Saving Ryan's Privates
 Ramesh And Drupatee(Romeo & Juliet)
 Pouff! (Gone With The Wind)
Home Alone 2 - Lost In Mayaro
 Basdeo's Advocate
 Fried Green Baigan
 One Flew Over The Corbeau's Nest
 Chadee's List
 The PNM Strikes Back
 The Silence Of The Goats
 The Untouched-Doubles (Untouchables)
 Breakfast At Chorros
 Maxispotting
 Escape From Guerra Island
 The Birdman from Carrera
 The Tattooslayer
Guess who's coming for roti?
Panday vs Panday
De Compere
Bridge over the Dry River                                       OH GYAARD !!   :rotfl:

11
Jokes / Signs of The Times
« on: May 19, 2009, 06:19:34 PM »
The Economy Is So Bad that...   
 
 
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
             
Jewish women are marrying for love.
             
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM's stock.
           
Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup were there.
             
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
           
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
           
A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
             
The most highly sought after job is now jury duty.
             
People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
           
Motel Six won't leave the light on.
             
The Mafia is laying off judges.
             
And finally...
 
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.  How neat! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.   

12
Jokes / Daiz de way to Handle yuh SEAMEN.
« on: March 18, 2009, 05:48:42 PM »
US NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM.

Reductions and budget cuts force the US Navy to cull

their numbers of active duty personnel.Thru attrition

and other programs,younger sailors will be relied upon

to carry on the work of defending the nation.


Phase 1. will come to be known as S.L.A.P. (SAILORS LATE-AGED PROGRAM.)

         and allows sailors the opportunity to search for civilian jobs.


Phase 2. tagged as S.C.R.E.W. (SURVEY of CAPABILITIES of RETIRED EARLY WORKERS.)

         it is to facilitate a review of records before retirement takes place.

         SLAPPED or SCREWED sailors may appeal thru their chain of command.

Phase 3. is called S.H.A.F.T. (STUDY by HIGHER AUTHORITY FOLLOWING TERMINATION.)

         to track and evaluate sailors.



Under the terms of two other new policies,a sailor may be SLAPPED ONCE,

SCREWED TWICE,or may be SHAFTED as MANY TIMES as the Navy deems appropriate.

If a sailor follows the above procedures,he/she will be entitled to

H.E.R.P.E.S. (HALF EARNINGS for RETIRD PERSONNEL'S EARLY SEVERANCE) OR

C.L.A.P. (COMBINED LUMP-SUM ASSISTANCE PAYMENT) unless he/she already has

A.I.D.S. (ADDITIONAL INCOME from DEPENDANTS or SOPUSES).

As HRERPES and CLAP are considered Benefit Plans,any sailor who has received

HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Navy,who wishes to

assure young sailors who remain onboard that the Navy will continue it's policy

of training sailors thru it's (S.H.?.T.) SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING.The Navy

takes pride in the amount of SH?T it's sailors receive and is adept at making

sure it's retirees receive all the SH?T they can CHEW.    :rotfl:


                                                 












13
Jokes / Rummm Ooooye! Wey you deeey!
« on: January 30, 2009, 10:29:08 AM »

Subject: RUM vs WATER


To: My RUMMEY friends who enjoy a drink of rum.. . And those who don't.
 
 
In rum there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
 
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo
of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Do Do.....
 
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking rum & beer
(or tequila, whixkey or other liquor) because alcohol
has to go through a purification process Of boiling,
filtering and/or fermenting.
 
  Remember:
  Water = Do Do,
  Rum = Health .
 
Therefore, it's better to drink rum and talk chupidniss,
than to drink water and be full of Do Do .
 
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
 
I'm doing this as a PSA.   
                                               

And in the Old SPIRIT of We National Mantra:
' Rummm Ooooye! Wey you deeey! '   :beermug:
 



14
Jokes / Athiest in the Woods.
« on: January 28, 2009, 08:06:21 AM »
An atheist was walking through the woods.'What majestic trees! 
'What powerful rivers!  'What beautifulanimals!He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him,
reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man,a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't existand even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to helpyou out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?
The atheist looked directly into the light,
'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very well,' said the voice.The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw,
brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

15
Football / Fútbol:Joe Public vs. Atlante ON 13 WUTH NOW
« on: October 21, 2008, 06:00:50 PM »
 Do my eyes deceive me or did allyuh fall asleep ?

16
2010 World Cup - South Africa / Ronaldo dreams of South Africa 2010
« on: October 21, 2008, 03:48:11 PM »
A decade on: the boy wonder and the child laborer
Soccer

By Rob Hughes
Published: October 21, 2008                             



Ronaldo, the man who has scored more World Cup goals than anyone else in history, is hard at work sweating off surplus pounds in the quest to make one last comeback.

He is 32, he dreams of South Africa 2010, and, though technically unemployed, he is in training with Flamengo in his home city, Rio de Janeiro.

His ongoing contract with Nike sportswear should banish any thoughts of a pauper status; but Ronaldo does, desperately, want to play at the highestt level again.

Tahira Bibi, a child of the Punjab who might have stitched the ball for any of Brazil's games in the four World Cup tournaments in which Ronaldo was part of the squad, is also still earning a living.

Her's is a story of comparative success. I met Tahira when she was a child, diligently and relentlessly sewing panels into Adidas balls for the equivalent of a third of a dollar a ball. Stitch by stitch, panel by panel, she and her mother Haleema were the bread winners for the family that included two infant boys and a younger girl.
Their father had hanged himself from a tree within sight of their home.

It was 1998, the summer of Ronaldo's strange turn when he suffered convulsions on the eve of the World Cup final against France in Paris. Instead, Zinédine Zidane became the star, though O Fenômeno, as Brazilians know Ronaldo, returned to eclipse all others and shoot Brazil back to the title in 2002.

His trauma now is in the left knee, where a ligament snapped on Feb. 13, and in his pride after his latest professional club, AC Milan, paid him off in the summer. He tells reporters now that he will, as he has before, prove the doubters wrong and recover from his latest career threatening injury.

Ronaldo is still in a sense child-like, still convinced he can recapture the fitness of his comparative youth, still sure in his mind that he has tools to be worth his next million, and still defiant to those who say he came from poverty and could go full circle.

He has to recapture the special quickness of body and instinct that gave him 62 goals in 97 games for Brazil, and 319 goals from 452 matches in the top leagues of Brazil, Netherlands, Spain and Italy. He began training with Flamengo last week, and his progress interests Manchester City, Paris Saint-Germain, and he says an Italian Serie A club he will not name.

Meanwhile, Tahira Bibi has passed her first hurdles. She has matured from the 11-year-old with a sewing needle to a girl who managed to progress through sixth grade in school, thanks to the program run by the International Labor Office.

Its field workers went back to her village last week and found that Tahira is married, with two children of her own. Her mother helps the daughter now.

The ILO's never-ending work against child labor, through projects such as the one centered on Sialkot's sewing factories, has always worked at the extremes. A child stitching until her fingers and eyes are at risk is persuaded into the classroom, the manufacturers using her cheap labor to enrich soccer stars, or potential stars, with sponsorship.

Soccer's industry does not like the connotation, and neither do the agents of Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods who, like Ronaldo, are Nike men just as David Beckham is an Adidas icon.

The financial crises we are all now confronted with will affect all sides of the equation. Juan Somavia, the director general of the ILO, said in Geneva on Monday that the number of global unemployed could rise from 190 million in 2007 to 210 million in late 2009. He estimated that those existing on less than $1 a day could rise by 40 million, and those on $2 a day by more than 100 million.

Sports in that climate will surely have to shrink some of its largesse. This week's European Champions League matches, involving 32 clubs, have financial implications extending to $1 billion.

Manchester United, the defending champion, has a bank loan for more than that sum, but it netted €42.9 million, about $57 million, from the Champions League alone last season. Overall, 13 clubs, from England, Italy, Spain, Germany and France, each cleared at least €20 million from that tournament.

Some of them tell us they are not expecting any kind of contraction in the current financial year. They have already spent the anticipated proceeds of this season and, just like the big name players they employ, each of those elite clubs has more than one foot firmly in the market of one footwear manufacturer or another.

     ( More )   http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/10/21/sports/SOCCER.php?page=1









17
Football / GLASS CEILING IN WC COACHES' FRATHOUSE ?
« on: May 04, 2008, 05:13:46 AM »
Seem like some coaches cud only train ah team to reach certain levels of success in World Cups..i.e.
to qualify,to hold dey own or to place in de fuss round or to win thereafter.

Observe for instance,the performances of countries like Holland,Spain,Portugal,Sweden et alia....
so close and yet no cigar.Yuh tink some coaches have ah success block or is dere ah secret formula?
Cud aspiring third world countries, resorting to European or South American coaching,only expect
to go but so far ?

Once de winning countries of de WC buss thru dis ceiling,yuh tink de formula for success
becomes ah national secret and fades into dey national archives for future use, or wah ?
Wuss yet,yuh tink winning WC coaches is admonished in revealing only limited knowledge
when hired by other nations?

 :thinking:

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