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Topics - ChipChipSilver

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1
Jokes / Why the US is in crisis?
« on: December 04, 2008, 09:55:23 PM »

An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of oneperson, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.'

2
Jokes / A Letter to Santa
« on: December 01, 2008, 06:49:01 PM »
*A small boy wrote to Santa Claus:

Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.*





* Santa wrote back:

'Send me your mother...'*

3
Jokes / why r we so hard on Jamaicans? - Part 2
« on: November 26, 2008, 08:00:12 PM »
AB. Trini - forgive meh for using yuh thread name again. Ah couldn't resist  :rotfl: :rotfl:


A Trinidadian  and a Jamaican  waiting at the pearly gate, strike up a conversation.

How yu dead?" the Jamaican man asked the Trinidadian. "Ah freeze to death man," says the Trini. "Dat's  ah aweful ting bwai.  Suh ah ‘ow it feel fi freeze to death?" asked the Jamaican.

"Well boy it very uncomfortable at first eh, when de cold hit yuh so, yuh whole body does start tuh shake and yuh geh pain in yuh fingah and toe. But eventually, is ah very calm way tuh dead.  Because yuh does geh real numb and den jus drift off, like when yuh sleeping." "So tell meh man, wha about you, how yuh dead?" asked the Trini.

"I had heart attack", says the Jamaican.  "Yu see, me did know say mi wife was cheating pan mi, so wan day mi show up at ‘ome unexpectedly.  Mi run up to de bedroom an' fine har alone, knitting.  "Mi run down to de basement, but no one was hiding derrre. Mi run up to de second floor, but no one was hiding derrre either.  Suh mi run as fast as mi cyan to de attic, an' just as mi get there, mi ‘ad a massive heart attack an' dead."

The Trini man shakes his head. "That is so ironic," he says.  "Ah whah yuh mean by ironic?" asks the Jamaican.  “Well boy,” said de Trini "If yuh did just check de darm freezer, de two ah we wouldah still be alive!"

4
General Discussion / Flying Squad members offer help to fight crime
« on: November 25, 2008, 09:26:57 PM »
 
  Flying Squad members offer help to fight crime

 
 FRANCIS JOSEPH

The Flying Squad, the unit within the Police Service which brought fear to the lives of criminals for 16 years, is back.

A reunion is being held at 5 pm today at the Police Service Mess at Long Circular Road, St James. But the members are coming together to make recommendations to the Commissioner of Police as to how he should deal with the criminals and the crime situation.

Mervyn Cordner, who retired as an inspector, said during an interview yesterday that he had been looking at the crime situation in the country for sometime.

Based in Orlando, Florida, Cordner decided to get in touch with his former colleagues, including attorney Thomas Cunningham and Rudolph Leach.

“I think about 40 of my colleagues will be there on Wednesday,” Cordner said.

He said invitations were sent out to acting Commissioner of Police James Philbert and Deputy Commissioner Gilbert Reyes, a former Flying Squad member, but he could not say if they would attend.

“But we will let the Commissioner know what we decide,” Cordner said.

He confirmed that some of his former colleagues flew in from abroad to attend the reunion.

As one of the key members of the squad which was led by the late Commissioner of Police, Randolph Burroughs, Cordner said it hurt him and other colleagues to see the state of T&T and the dramatic increase in murders each year.

“We are tired of what is happening, and based on what we achieved in the past, I think we can offer some solutions to the present Commissioner,” Cordner said.

“We have experienced personnel who came out of that squad, some went on to become executive members in the Police Service.”

He pointed out that the Flying Squad was formed in 1970 after a number of soldiers staged a mutiny. He said it was the brainchild of late prime minister Dr Eric Williams to form the Flying Squad to look at the national interest.

He said the squad got the real test in 1973 when the National Union of Freedom Fighters (NUFF) threatened to take control of the country by unlawful means.

According to Cordner, “that was where the Flying Squad was really tested...We managed to bring the situation under control under the supervision of Mr Burroughs.”

The retired officer said the squad was disbanded in 1986 after Burroughs was arrested and charged with conspiracy to murder, and conspiracy to traffic cocaine.

He said the release of the Scott Drug Report also contributed to the Flying Squad being disbanded.

As a result, several members of the squad, who were suspended as a result of the report, retired or resigned from the Police Service after the suspensions were lifted.

“They were not happy with what happened and they left...Now, this is their country and they are very concerned at what is happening,” Cordner said.

“I think we have a great contribution to make, first to tackle gang warfare, and to assist in reducing the number of murders in the country...My colleagues are very upbeat about the reunion.”

Today’s meeting comes days after Reyes told the media that the Police Service had asked the Los Angeles Police Department to assist in combating gang violence.
 
 

5
Football / Gustine’ wins East Intercol with 4-2 win over Arima
« on: November 15, 2008, 06:40:19 PM »
'Green Machine' roll past Arima in East final.
By: Kern De Freitas (Express).


There is an old saying which stands in sport: "form is temporary, but class is permanent."

St Augustine Secondary Comprehensive's feat yesterday of turning a 2-0 deficit into a 4-2 victory in the RBTT InterCol East Zone final against a battling Arima Secondary Comprehensive showed there may be some merit to that statement.

The "Dial Dynamos" were buoyed by a 2-0 advantage at the Marvin Lee Stadium, Macoya after 35 minutes, and went in at the break with smiles on their faces and a 2-1 lead. At the end of the match they were ruing the opportunity that went a-begging, and the "East" title that went to the "Green Machine".

Jevaughn Vance slammed home the equaliser in the 71st minute after a first-half own goal gave St Augustine a glimmer of hope. Xavier Navarro then doubled up inside the last 15 minutes to hand the favourites a comfortable win in the end.

What should have been an easy stroll home turned into a nightmare for the St Augustine crowd early on. They were silenced by two first half Arima goals that left the team needing some inspiration to turn the match around.

In the first period, constant Arima pressure was rewarded with two goals in three minutes. First Nicholas Armstrong contributed to the total, unfortunately for him by being stretchered off, after he was mowed down by St Augustine defender Kendall Campbell. Armstrong's match ended there, but Kendes Garcia used the opportunity to curl home the free kick at the edge of the 18-metre box. Then in the 35th, Vaughn Charles showed his discomfort with long range balls, palming Hayden De Verteuil's right side free kick into his net.

St Augustine went in at half-time trailing 2-1, with captain Oswald Wyllie's effort causing a 37th minute own goal.

With his vast experience, coach Michael Grayson must have known exactly what to say to his young charges. They came back out with all the intensity expected of them 45 minutes before, and Arima were forced to defend a lot more.

Vance and company chipped away at Arima's defence, and Wyllie forced Arima goalie Joseph Craig to punch wide. They dribbled, they skipped through, they sped along, but Arima always proved equal-until the 71st minute.

Wyllie charged down the left flank and hooked in a cross. Arima looked to clear, and Vance rifled home the loose ball through a crowd of players. That lifted the St Augustine fans out of their seats, and prompted the loud chanting that accompanied the players for the rest of the match.

Substitute Navarro must have been thus inspired, because he found the winner, striking in the 77th and 85th minutes to seal the hard-fought win that looked unlikely 20 minutes earlier.

First he danced around a confused Craig with his fancy footwork and netted in a one-on-one play, then he collected a pass from Wyllie in the penalty area, took time to pick his spot, and calmly slotted home.

All that was left was for the belated referee's whistle to signal the end of the match, and transform "Green Machine" anticipation into celebration.
Gustine’ wins East Intercol with 4-2 win over Arima.
By: Robin Cumberbatch (schoolsoccernet.com).


St. Augustine Secondary copped the 2008 RBTT East Zone Intercol trophy when they came from two goals down to defeat Arima Secondary 4-2 at the Marvin Lee Stadium.

Arima dominated proceedings in the first half and shocked St. Augustine when they went ahead with a freekick scored by Kendes Garcia in the 32nd minute. 

Still reeling from that strike, things got worse for ‘Gustine’ when they went two goals down from yet another freekick in the 35th minute, this time by Hayden De Verteuil.

Just when the game looked like it may have been over as a contest, St. Augustine got a life line two minutes later courtesy an Arima own goal from Brendon McKie.
 
The half time finished 2-1 in favor of Arima Secondary.

The second half would be a different story as St. Augustine came out the more purposeful of the two teams.

Despite some resolute defending from Arima Secondary, ‘Gustine’ finally got the break through and drew level in the 71st minute from a Jevaughn Vance strike.

Panic set into the Arima team, and St. Augustine moved into another gear.

Six minutes later Xavier Navarro scored to put ‘Gustine’ up 3-2, and then he completed a brace in the 84th minute to seal a remarkable comeback.

The St. Augustine faithful cheered lustily at the blast of the final whistle and the celebrations started. Congratulations to the 2008 RBTT East Zone Intercol Champions, St. Augustine Secondary.

6
Jokes / Old Couple
« on: November 12, 2008, 12:47:07 PM »
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows When the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
 
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'
 
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.'
 
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
 
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
 
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
 
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,
 
And accidentally shits in the bed.
 
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
 
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

7
Football / Chris Birchall's hurt at omission.
« on: August 29, 2008, 11:16:38 PM »
Chris Birchall's hurt at omission.
By: Ian Prescott (Express).


Chris Birchall is love sick these days. In love with football. But sick to the stomach after being left out of Trinidad and Tobago next two World Cup football qualifiers. The "Soca Warriors"-minus the Coventry City midfielder-are due to see action in two important World Cup qualifiers in the next week.

They play a home match against Guatemala next Saturday at the Hasely Crawford Stadium, before facing the United States on September 10 in Chicago. Birchall, who played the first half in T&T's 3-1 victory over Cuba on August 20, has apparently now made way for the return of former national captain Dwight Yorke.

The Englishman had looked T&T's most lively midfielder and set up the Soca Warriors first chance against Cuba. His diagonal cross in the opening five minutes picked out double goalscorer Keon Daniel, who in turn tried to square the ball towards lone striker Cornell Glen.

However, near the half, Birchall went down clutching his gut and was taken off as a result of stomach cramps. He was replaced by young Khaleem Hyland, who is now also out of the squad after picking up a red card against Cuba.

However, Hyland is available to play against the Americans. Englishman Birchall is not so much hurt by being dropped, but rather T&T's record goal-scorer.

John was dropped after scoring his 69 international goals in 104 international appearances following the match against Bermuda on June 22. Birchall believes that matter could have been handled in a better way.

"I received a text message saying my services aren't needed for the upcoming qualifier. No phone call," Birchall said when contacted by the Express.

He also wanted to clear the air on any rumour that he may be injured. Birchall says that he is fully fit, and ready to play football.

"I am not injured and I never was, "he insisted.

"I had food poisoning in Cuba. I came off because I was seconds away from fainting and couldn't breath, and had bad cramps.

"But, I tried to fight it as much as I could for the team but obviously that was not good enough for the Federation," Birchall said.

Meanwhile, Soca Warriors manager David Muhammad dismissed any notion that Birchall was left out because of injury.

Muhammad, who is already in Chicago making arrangements for the match against the USA, says that the choice of players is based on many factors. He said all these factors are discussed, before head coach Francisco Maturana decides which players he needs according to the opponents to be faced.

"It is not every time that a player is not selected, that we are going to issue an explanation," Muhammad said.

"This is just the squad that the coach wants at this time."

Muhammad said that to date, they had made several changes to the team's line-up, with players going out and being re-called for matches in which their talent is deemed necessary.

Muhammad mentioned that Toronto FC defender Julius James was getting a call to the national team for the first time and that changes were part of building a strong unit. Muhammad said in the end, just 18 players can be selected for an one game, thus someone will always be left out.

8
General Discussion / Email I received - Is this true?
« on: August 06, 2008, 07:00:23 PM »
Prime Minister John Howard - Australia
Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.
Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: ' IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.' 
' This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'
' We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!'
' Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'
' We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'
' This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,
' THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'
' If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'
Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves, American citizens will find the backbone to start speaking and voicing the same truths.
If you agree please SEND THIS ON

9
Jokes / Iraq
« on: August 06, 2008, 06:48:35 PM »
A soldier was running down the road, and came to a fork in the road,
where he saw a nun standing there .

 

Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes?

I'll explain WHY later."


The nun agreed. Just a moment later, two Military Police came running
along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?"
 

The nun replied, "He went that way."

 

After the MP's disappeared, the   soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,

"I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq ."


The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
 

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think I'm rude or impertinent, but
you have a great pair of legs!"
 

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen
a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Iraq either.



10
Football / Football stereotypes - Interesting read
« on: February 02, 2008, 08:47:54 PM »
I got this in an email so I eh sure whey it come from, no sources available except what listed below.



In this weeks news we bring you an article straight from the 1950's when racial profiling was all the rage. I think. Either way, people were a lot less sensitive back then and the world was a better place as long as you did not work in a coal mine or mill. So Laramie cigarettes brings you Dr. Adolpho Van Nostrum's guide to football players of different ethnicities.
 
The Italian player.
The Italian player is blessed with sublime skill. He invariably wears a headband and usually has the look of a runway model (male). He is brilliant at defending due to his army training of running backwards. He has cash stuffed down his shorts to bribe every official imaginable, but since they are all doing it, it negates the effect and no one complains. Sucks his thumb after scoring a spectacular goal, or getting tackled and crying. Must avoid flying mopeds from fans and plays in stadiums that hold 75,000 people but only 15,000 show up.
 
The German player.
A humourless player, usually hard in the tackle, tactically superb with blond hair. The German player always plays crap, but manages to win somehow. Great at counterattacking or "blitzkrieging" as the German national coach puts it. Prone to diving when in a position to score, he never misses a penalty or the chance to invade another teams territory. Usually plays within his own league, but keeps an eye out for weaknesses in leagues around him.
 
The Portuguese player.
Fast, skilful and emotional, the Portuguese player is blessed with good looks, hair with more gel in it than a Florida Keys hairdressing convention and the ability to fall over at the drop of a feather. The nearly men of world football, they have reached the semi finals of many a competition, but are let down by a fine temper that is caused by realizing that their beautiful wives and girlfriends will develop a moustache just like Mum.
 
The French Player.
Usually not from France, the best French players have an arrogance about them which is puzzling. They may be black, white, Middle Eastern, but are never actually from France. They are very skilful, but lack the emotion of the Italian player and more importantly, the good looks. Prone to outbursts of violence at the most inappropriate times (DeGaul head butted the 89th Italian Prime Minister at a church once) They have been successful lately winning the World and European championships 10 years ago. Now they lose to Scotland but still have a swagger about them. Useless at goalkeeping, but their African defenders are world class. As are their African midfielders and Algerian forwards.
 
The Scottish player.
Absolutely useless, the Scottish player is 5'4'' tall, has red hair, runs around very fast doing nothing and speaks a language that only whales can half understand. There are only two teams in the whole of Scotland, but only 2 Scotsmen play on them. They can kick the ball very far and up until last week only employed blind men in goal. They can beat France, but lose regularly to the Faroe Islands. This is down to the fact that there are lots of fountains in Paris and the Scottish association can find many a drunk Scot in them to play at the drop of a penny. Which they never give back.
 
The American Player.
New to the scene, the American player is usually brash and confident with big muscles. However, as soon as an Asian player tackles them, they fold up and go home. Not blessed with a lot of skill, they do produce very good goalkeepers. This is due to trying to juggle a gun while stuffing their faces with fast food.
 
The African Player. Of course there are many countries in Africa, but their football players share a lot of the same characteristics. The African player is massively built, powerful and fast. They have some skill too, which means a World Cup win very soon. However, they are prone to witchcraft and will not play until a goat has been sacrificed behind the goal. They love the game and think nothing of lobbing off the head of opponents. But it is all in good fun until someone adds eye of newt to a pregame drink and they are all struck by lightning.
 
The English Player.
The English player will run through a brick wall to win the ball. Alas, too many of them have literally done this and are now so dumb they think that great literature is Ashley Cole's autobiography "How I gotted her preggers". Not very skilful, the English player believes he has a divine right to win every World cup.  Historically, the game in England is superior to all other leagues but this is due to every ground in the land being built at the end of the street where pit/mill/factory is. Thus millions turn up to watch, making the English players the richest on the planet. English players will run all day, sometimes when a game is on as well.
 
The Brazilian Player
The best in the world without a doubt. Pretty good at football too, the Brazilian player is amazingly skilful. They can sleep with 28 women in one night at Carnival and still get up the next day and beat Germany in the World Cup. Ugly as sin, Brazilians have to be good at football as nothing else ever works in their country. Brazilian players play to their own beat and have sex every 2.8 seconds, sometimes with women. Pele, the worlds best ever player, has 956 children in Sao Paulo alone.


 

Paul Grimes, Director of Fossils and Antique Footballers, Real Ale Madrid Museum of Barnyard Oddities.


11
Football / Just in Case nobody eh notice ......
« on: November 22, 2006, 09:07:27 PM »
GREEN MACHINE engine rolling .... move aside Mucurapo  ;D ;D ;D

12
Football / New Play Station Game
« on: July 12, 2006, 09:05:08 PM »
C:\Documents and Settings\Mickey.CHIPCHIPSILVA.000\Desktop\file.html

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