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Topics - Lil Jodie P

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Jokes / booty call agreement!

« on: August 16, 2006, 02:24:24 PM »

THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-booty call agreement (here in after referred to as the
"Agreement"
is entered into on the _____ day of __________, 2006,
by_______________________, between ____________ and______________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over-unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in
the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events
of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only mind-blowing sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do
you love me?) The answer is no, so don't ask.

6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup,"
unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced
arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted (even christmas gifts )money is always good.

8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your
damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" - we are not friends,
just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when
you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex-it's over, so get your ass up and go home.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.

15. You cannot borrow anything for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My friend."

17. Doggie style preferred - just hit it hard and right or get the hell out!

18. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better.

19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME - so don't call
me before i call you.

20. The most important one - no condoms, no f**king. Carry your ass home.

21. Bring your own food - I am not your take away store.

22. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for
your ass.

EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.

Participating Party Signature_______________________________________
Date:__________________________________________________________
Participating Party Signature_______________________________________
Date:__________________________________________________________

Jokes / better than the salvation army

« on: August 16, 2006, 02:23:34 PM »

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a
>very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset! You are a
>disrespectful pig!" she cried "How dare you do this to me - a faithful
>wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce
>straight away!"
>And he replied:
>Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened"
>Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to
>me!"
>
>And he began:
>Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here
>asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that took
>pity on her and let her into the car.
>I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
>told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I
>brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night,
>the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The
>poor thing devoured them in moments.
>Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was
>doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
>them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans
>that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are
>too tight.
>
>I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you
>don't wear because I don't have good taste.
>I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
>wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the
>expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like
>them.."
>
>He took a quick breath and continued:
>She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to
>the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said
>'"Please.........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

General Discussion / remember when?

« on: August 16, 2006, 10:25:49 AM »

Remember what it was like when T.V. used to sign off?

Remember watching the last few minutes of signed off T.V. waiting for Sesame
Street to begin?

Remember when one T.V. channel was all you needed, and a remote was unheard
of and you used to be happy when yuh picking up channel nine?

Remember when Dominic Kalipersad was the man on TV from 7pm and you used to
wish news was never a show?

Remember when Judy Alcantara and Allyson Hennesey used to come on the TV
every day around lunch time?

What about de weatherman Robin Maharaj?

Remember when Channel 6 come on de air, how that was like the biggest thing
on TV?

Remember when a Donkey Kong or an Atari game was cool?

Remember when chicken and chips was Kentucky and you always wanted a
Kentucky kids pack to get a Jo Jo dollar?

Remember pitchin' marbles, pickin' mangoes, peltin' stones, shooting caps
guns, checkin' guavas for worms, flyin' kite, lightin' flambo, bussin
bamboo, runnin' races?

Remember home work?

Remember when as soon as you reach on the beach you want to run in de water
fast fast? Remember when yuh wanted to see how deep yuh could dig a hole in
de sand and if you could reach water?

Remember when walking arm in arm (sober) with a guy wasn't gay?

Remember when it was no big deal to kiss your father and your mother's
lipstick stayed on your face for the whole day of school? (Fuh real with the
lipstick shit!!)

Remember Alladin lunch kits and Trinpad copy books that had the national
anthem and "I solemnly pledge" on the inside cover?

Remember snakes and ladders, ludo, chinese checkers, go to pack, suck the
well, rounders, red light green light one two three, I spy, scooch and, kiss
catch- girls catch the boys (never wanted to get caught, but deep inside
wanted to get kissed).

Remember Star Wars, Buck Rogers, Star Trek, MacGyver, Equaliser, Simon and
Simon, Super Friends, the adventures of Batman and Robin, Teen Talent,
Scouting for Talent, Twelve and Under, pick a pan in Mastana Bahar, No
Boundaries, Turn of the Tide.

What about Ralph Maharaj in Cross Country?

Remember Wendell Constantine in Party Time? G-Force, Terror Hawks, Super
Gran, Star Fleet, He-Man, Street Hawk, Fall Guys. A-Team, even the old
people shows like Knots Landing, Falcon Crest and JR and Bobby in Dallas and
as much as I hate to admit it- Circle Square? (I used to love Circle Square
J)

What about when Kiskidee Caravan was the biggest concert out. Dan it up,
Shot call, Ambush and Edoo Edoo pom pom. (bloy bloy)

Remember when an RX 7 was de coolest car. When yuh see a black RX 7 it was
always de Knight Rider car. What about those Knight Rider lights?

Remember when Cinema was the big lime, south people remember going
Gulf City to go in de cinema upstairs?

Remember when Chinese Laundry dub tapes or rhythm nation, Dr Hyde was most
wanted. Remember when Papa Rocky was a big time DJ?

Remember when de only soca tune yu liked was "Dey say ah too young for soca,
oy yoo yoyy dey making joke" and roll up de tassa, and Sparrow's never eat a
white meat yet. Oh gawdd, what about bump and wine?

Wait Wait, what about Nelson's Soca Daddy (She fall and ... she uh uh)?

Remember when the only two ladies you knew who used to sing Calypso was
Denyse Plummer and Drupatee? Never did you think ayyy we going to see a sexy
woman on stage! (That is just wrong)

What about acid wash or stone wash jeans or hood tops with Malcolm X on it?
(cyah cyah, fuh real!)

Girls what about jeans with all dem fancy patches on it and yuh wearing big
belt too and shoes with fancy colour lacing?

Remember when shorts for girls used to reach all by they knee and you would
be like "she looking nice"?

What about Rikki Tikki and Uncle Ian who used to draw all kind of lines and
say this is the sun and that is the forest? Remember shouting
"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!" into d TV believing with all your heart that d Rikki
Tikki in-studio audience could hear you?

LOL!!!!

Remember when goin Intercol was the biggest lime after school? Either yuh
looking to go Skinner Park or in de Stadium.

What about those two to eight limes? Or when hanging by the video arcade was
cool?

What about the Penal Convent bazaars or the Fatima College dances? (Dread!
Fuh real! May Fiesta.)

Remember when going in the direction after Hilton was like going on some
hike in some weird area? Never heard about Coconuts then?

The only reason you going around the savannah was to go in the zoo or by de
botanic gardens.

Remember wanting to catch the maxi with the biggest sounds?

Remember when "race" was a word used to describe a running competition,
"colour" was used to describe yuh water paints or yuh drawing book and
religion was remembering the "our father" and "thank you for the food we
eat"?

Remember when a fight was a few hard cuff and ended with a simple sorry?

Remember when disease was the cold, starvation was a belly ache, a cold
drink was a big red, a solo or a tall pepsi and how high you got depended on
who was pushing the swings?

Remember when the Prime Minister was just a name in Social Studies and
politics was just a word in your spelling book? (Remember the Students
Companion?

)

Remember when guns were full of water and knives were made of plastic?

Do you remember....... my Trini people?

General Discussion / older men?!?

« on: August 15, 2006, 08:29:15 AM »

ok...so ah know ah kinda quiet and ting dese days...but ah have a serious question to ask allyuh!

is it normal for girls/women to be attracted to older men?
i myslef doh really like de younger fellas...younger as in younger than me...and the guys i like of late...they older than me...but not by more than 8 years...and well i know lots of girls that have older guys...my best friend for example...she is 21 and her man is 29...not to mention she having his second child!
sombody ask de other day if we attraced to married men...i doh like married men...they married!
but is it customary for girls to go for older men...or am i and the girls of my generation screwy?

Jokes / hi kieth!

« on: August 04, 2006, 08:16:08 PM »

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately

spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,

"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution

and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided

she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up

in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,

but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school

the bird saw and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended

but then began to laugh about the situation

considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith

came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith!"

Jokes / de pastor's salary

« on: August 04, 2006, 08:13:31 PM »

There was a Pastor whose wife was expecting a baby so he went
> >to the congregation and asked for a raise.
> >After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule
> >that whenever the Pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
> >After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the
> >congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the Pastor's
> >salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the
> >clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the
> >Pastor stood up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God,"
> >
> >He said.
> >Silence fell on the congregation.
> >In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her
> >frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too
> >much of it, we wear rubbers."
> >And the congregation said, "Amen."

Jokes / for the married or soon to be...

« on: August 04, 2006, 08:11:30 PM »

Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V)
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

General Discussion / anybody else get dis?

« on: July 26, 2006, 11:34:51 AM »

allyuh...wat de hell was that...i get a message from some guest here called Dean Kelly...in meh messages wit a pic of ah asian dude...who ummmmmmmm extreemly well endowed...and some links i am guessing to other sites with such pics!

wat de ras....dis forum gone to de dogs or wat? anybody else get dat message? de title on de message was "important news and information" or something so!

Jokes / air canada!!!

« on: July 25, 2006, 11:01:14 AM »

A crowded Air Canada flight was cancelled. A single agent was
>> re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an
angry
>> passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the
>> counter and said "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST
>> CLASS."
>> The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help
>> you,but,I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
>> able to work something out."
>> The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers
>> behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
>> Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address

>> microphone, "May I have your attention please, " she began, her voice

>> heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at
Gate
>> 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his
identity,
>> please come to Gate 14."
>> With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared
>> at the Air Canada agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!".
>> Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have
to
>> get in line for that too!"
>
>
>

Jokes / wud you do this for your daughter?

« on: July 20, 2006, 08:37:32 PM »

A 17 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two
> >months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a
> >pregnancy test.
> > > >
> >Confirming her worst fears, the test result is positive.? Shouting,
> >swearing, crying, the Mother says, "Who is the bastard that did
> > >this to you? I want to Know!"
> > > >
> >The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a
> >Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man
> >with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the
> >Ferrari and enters the house.
> > > >
> >He sits in the living room with the father, the mother, & the girl? and
> >tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
> >I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take
> >charge. I will pay all costs & provide for your daughter for the rest of
> >her life.
> >
> >Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a
> >townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.
> > > >
> >"He continues: "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of
> >factories & a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a
> >factory and?2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do
> >you suggest I do?"
> > > >
> >At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly
> >on the man's shoulder and very decisively tells him,
> >
> >"You breed har again..."

Jokes / de camel!

« on: July 11, 2006, 11:56:38 AM »

A new British Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the

African desert, during his first inspection of his new outfit,

he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant

said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post, and no

women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why we have the

camel."

The Captain replied, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand

about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain started having his own urges. Crazy with

passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stood on the ladder, pulled

his pants down and had wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he was done, he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"No, not really, sir...they usually just ride the camel into town...where

the women are!!

Jokes / trusty old south west airline

« on: July 10, 2006, 04:00:43 PM »

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to
Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and
asked

"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big
planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess,

"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big
planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded,

"Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said,

"Yes she did."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because

Southwest always pulls out on time.

Have your mother explain that to you.

Have a nice flight."

Jokes / for de west indians!

« on: July 10, 2006, 12:10:25 PM »

While walking the course, the Guyanese wife's foot got caught in
a
> >rabbit hole, tripped, and fell. Her skirt flipped over her head, reveling
> >that she wasn't wearing any panties. The Guyanese man was very angry, and
> > demanded to know why she wasn't wearing any underwear. "Well,
> >dahlin'", she explained, "you give me so little money that I hav' ta
make
> >sacrifices. Usually, nobody notices." The Guyanese man pulls $20 out of
> >his pocket. "Here! Go to Victoria Secrets and buy yourself some
> >underwear."
> >
> > Two holes further, the Jamaican man's wife tripped on a molehill,
> >and fell. Her skirt was up over her head, reveling that she wasn't
wearing
> >any panties either! The Jamaican man, obviously upset, asked his wife
why
> >she
> > wasn't wearing any underwear. "Well, honey", she told him, "ya
> >give me so little money, me cahn shop for no panty." The Jamaican man
> >pulls out $10 from his pocket. "Here! Go to K-Mart and get yourself some
> >underwear!!"
> >
> > Three holes later, the Trinidadian man's wife tripped and fell
into
> >a sandtrap. She landed with her skirt over her head revealing that she
too
> >wasn't wearing any panties. Needless to say, the Trinidadian man was
very
> >upset and embarrassed, and demanded an explanation. His wife's
explanation
> >was the same as the others.
> >
> > Furious, the Trinidadian man reached in his pocket and said,
> >"Here's a comb. The least you could do is keep it neat."
> >

Jokes / spunky grandma

« on: July 10, 2006, 12:05:17 PM »

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
> >waiting
> >for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
> >The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,checked his
> >weight,and being a little concerned, asked if the baby
> >wasbreast-fed or bottle-fed?
> >
> >"Breast-fed, "she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist"
> >the doctor ordered. And She did.
> >
> >He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed
> >both breasts for a while in a very professional and
> >detailed examination.
> >
> >Motioning to her to get dressed the doctor said, "No wonder
> >this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
> >"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
> >

Jokes / de vagrant and de police

« on: July 10, 2006, 12:03:20 PM »

One day a policeman was walking on Independence Square. He saw a vagrant playing with something in his hand. He asked the vagrant,

Police: "What ya playing with?"

Vagrant: "Shit."

Police: "What ya doing with shit?"

Vagrant: "Ah making ah policeman."

So he arrested the vagrant and carried him by the Commissioner of Police. The CoP asked,

CoP: "What ya playing with?"

Vagrant: "Shit"

CoP: "What ya doing with shit?"

Vagrant: "Ah making ah Commissioner of Police"

So the CoP carried the vagrant by the Minister of National Security. However, he warned the Minister if he asked the vagrant what he was playing with, he would reply shit. And if he asked what he doing with shit, he will say he making a Minister of National Security.

The Minister told the CoP that he was an educated man, and no illiterate vagrant will get the better of him. So the Minister asked,

Minister: "If ah ask ya what ya playing with, ya go say shit?"

Vagrant: "Yes"

Minister: "If ah ask what ya doing with shit, ya go say ya making a Minister of National Security?"

Vagrant: "No."

Minister: "No? Why no?"

Vagrant: "I doh have enough shit for dat."

Jokes / Got to love technology

« on: July 10, 2006, 11:55:37 AM »

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My
elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample
and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began
wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his
wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

General Discussion / SUPERMAN COMPLEX????

« on: July 03, 2006, 09:28:50 PM »

ok ok...ah know wen some of allyuh read dis...yuh go scratch yuh head and wonder wat de ass going wit dis lil gyal!

but wat i want to know and cyah seem to understand is why some man feel the need to be there for everybody! why it is they have a blasted SUPERMAN COMPLEX and feel the need to save world!

yuh cyah blasted save everybody! yuh cyah blasted protect everyone! not everybody needs saving or protecting! why some men cyah get dat!

i just doh get dat nah

Jokes / trinis eh smart for nuttin!

« on: June 27, 2006, 09:35:58 AM »

A young Trinidadian man walks into a bank in New York City
>>and
>> Asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that
>>he is going
>> To Germany on a vacation for two weeks and needs to borrow
>>$5,000.
>> The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form

>>of
>> Security for the loan, so the young man hands over the keys
>>to a new
>> BMW 740i.The car is parked on the street in front of the
>>bank. The
>> Young man produces the title and everything checks out. The
>>loan
>> Officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
>>
>> The bank's Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh
>>at the
>> Trinidadian for using a $80,000 BMW as collateral against a
>>$5,000 loan.
>> An employee of the bank then drives the BMW into the
bank's
>>underground
>> Garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the young man
>>returns, repays
>> The $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan
>>officer says,
>> "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
>> And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are
>>a little
>> Puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found
>>that you are a
>> Successful business man. What puzzles us is, why would you
>>bother to
>> Borrow
$5,000?"
>>
>> The Trini replies, "Where else in New York City can I park
>>my car for
>> Two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I
>>return?"
>> The bank employees watch as he pulls out of the garage,
>>windows down
>> And sunroof open. Soca music was blasting from his car as he
>>pulled away...
>>
>> Only a Trini.
>>
>>
>>
>>

Jokes / once a man...twice a child!

« on: June 27, 2006, 09:34:24 AM »

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing
quite
a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have
considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three
of
our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has
caused.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Smith
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department

--------------------------------------------------------

MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Documented Incidents

Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. July 1: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms. Security thought it was blood and called an ambulance.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding
department. Strangely enough, 15 people moved in with him.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knew where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously ~ loudly humming the
"Dragnet" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
the fetal position and screamed
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, locked the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here!" He refused to unlock the door when Security came.

Football / message i got on myspace.com

« on: June 17, 2006, 10:43:56 AM »

yo, miss legal!!!

wassup!!

was watching the soccer world cup!!! the trinidad-tobago teams sucks, man!!! you guys should have thought of a better solution!!

i think next time you should wear your samba costume and stand in the opponents goals...or something similar,,,and maybe your boys will win.

catch you on the flipside!!1

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

this jackass piss me off real bad here...he from F$cjing S.Afriaca....i good cuss him on myspace...just thought i'd share how blasted ignorant people can be.

sorry if this upsets anyone but right now i damn vex!

General Discussion / SO WHA HAPPEN TO DE WEDDING?

« on: June 15, 2006, 12:08:37 PM »

ALLYUH...SO MEH WEDDING WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TODAY?
WHA HAPPEN....
I HEARTBROKEN NOW YES!

CM103 DOH EVER CALL MEH AGAIN<LIKE HE WAS CALLING ME BEFORE>
NEXT FOUR YEARS FOR SURE!

General Discussion / new name

« on: June 14, 2006, 02:04:27 PM »

you know ah was thinking...wen ah join the site ah was young and ting...ah still young...but yuh know...still in school...still giddy and hyper and such. and so de name LITTLE JODIE P was fitting!

but now some time has passed and i have been thrught some trials...been through a lot actually that has made me mature...i have grown. and coming to think of it...dis Little Jodie ting...not cutting it anymore. i mean everybody calls me that! Folks....i'll be 22 in less than a month and i am LITTLE JODIE P?!? but the thing is...i doh feel i cud change dat now...it has stuck...that is how you guys have come to know me....even wen i met Tallman...he was like "aye aye Litte Jodie for real!"
oh to sigh! anyway i was just venting....just a thoght

Jokes / this was good

« on: June 13, 2006, 08:23:19 AM »

PM Manning was invited to address a major gathering of the North American Assembly of Indian Nations

on his Government's plans for the Carib community in Arima as part of World Aboriginal Initiatives Month.

He spoke for two hours on his future plans for increasing every Carib-Trinidadian's present standard of

living, make-work programs for the community, soup kitchens featuring traditional cassava dishes, and so

on, should he one day become the first elected President of T&T Although the PM was vague on the details

of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his "indigenous sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of his speech the Tribes presented PM Manning with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian

name - 'Walking Eagle'. The proud Prime Minister then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of Chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to

the Prime Minister.

They explained that 'Walking Eagle' is a name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly...

General Discussion / need help to sleep

« on: June 12, 2006, 10:52:55 PM »

having trouble sleeping guys....any good pills you know of?

Jokes / kids and the church

« on: June 07, 2006, 03:00:35 PM »

A GOOD LAUGH FOR TODAY
>
> A little boy was attending his first wedding.
> After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can man
marry?"
> "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an
answer
> so quickly.
> "How do you know that?"
> "Easy," the little boy said."All you have to do is add it up, like
the
> pastor said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
>
>
>
> After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced
> to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow
up."
> "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
> "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and
> I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and
> listen."
>
>
>
> A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
service,
>
> "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed
trash
> against us."
>
>
>
> A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
> "How do you know what to say?" he asked.
> "Why, God tells me."
> "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
>
>
> A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and
on.
> Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
> "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
>
>
>
>
> After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny
sobbed
> all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him
three
> times what was wrong.
> Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up
in a
> Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
>
>
>
>
> Ms.Terri asked her Sunday school class to draw pictures of their
favorite
> Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four
people
> on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to
represent.
> "The Flight to Egypt," was his reply.
> Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph,
and
> Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
> "Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"
>
>
>
> The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you
say
> prayers before eating?"
> "No sir," little Johnny replies,
> I don't have to. My mom is a good cook."
>
>
>
> This is the best one.
>
>
> A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
> bedtime story.
> From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up
to
> touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek,
then
> his again.
> Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
> "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
> "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
> "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while
ago."
> Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting
better
> at it, isn't he?"

Jokes / gotta love it!....the things you hear in court

« on: June 05, 2006, 07:40:29 PM »

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed a man
opposite her was smiling at her . She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again!
The man seemed more amused . When on the fourth move, the man
burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested
.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20
years old) what he had to say for himself .
The man replied, " Well your Honor, it was like this : When the lady
got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition . She sat down
under a sign that said , ' The Double Mint Twins are Comin ' and I
grinned."
" Then she moved and sat under a sign that said , ' Logan's Liniment
will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile. " Then she placed herself
under a deodorant sign that said, " William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and
I could hardly contain myself ." "BUT, your Honor, when She moved the
fourth time and sat under a sign that said , ' Goodyear Rubber could have
prevented this Accident'... I just lost it ."

CASE DISMISSED!!"

Jokes / lawyers...becareful!

« on: May 31, 2006, 11:35:06 AM »

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called His first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've Known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot When you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

General Discussion / spreading some much needed love!

« on: May 28, 2006, 04:08:42 PM »

Psychology of Love

A person who makes me loves him/her is actually a person who loves me more than I love him/her.

If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reasons they couldn't stay, don't cry too much...
just be glad that your paths crossed
and somehow they made you happy even for a while.
Bottomline : Time will tell, If he's/she's yours and will come back

Two tear drops were floating down the river. One teardrop said to the other,
"I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?" "I'm the teardrop of the man who regret letting a girl go..."

Bottomline : Nobody will sympathise a person who constantly let chances passes by without making any efforts to salvage.
We normally don't realise how important our loved and closed ones are until they left us, we'll start reminiscences which results misery.

Love can make you happy although often times it hurts. But love is only special if you give it to which it's worth.
Bottomline : If you found someone who truly appreciates you, He/she deserves more of your love.

It's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end rather than never found love because you were too afraid of the challenge.
Bottomline : Don't give up if you face or think that you have competitors.

It's always better to try, if you succeed, the reward is more than you can expect. but if you don't try or don't summon up the courage, you might lose the one you like/love forever...

The greatest challenge in our life is to find someone who knows our flaws and differences and yet still willingly embraces you with so muchlove.

Bottomline : Love is a means of self giving and self sacrificing, if he/she knows your flaws and still willing to accept you, continue to like/love you as you are or even more, boy, you are lucky! This person truly deserves your love and affection.

The spaces between our fingers were created so that another person's fingers could fill them in.

Bottomline : open your heart, let people love you, never Doubt their intentions, sincerity can be felt by the heart.

When you love, it is not for you to be understood but for you To understand; not for you to take but for you to be taken; to listen notto dictate; to sacrifice and not to demand; not to count or measure but to love

What If someone tells you this: I don't believe in courtship. It's just a waste of time. If I love the person, I'll tell her right away. But for you I will make an exception...just love me now and I'll court you forever...

Bottomline : Love needs time to realise, there might be love at first sight but it takes time to let one gradually discover their affection towards another, miss him/her when he/she is not around, hope to hear from he/she when the person has not written or called.

Jokes / a man MUST have made this up!!!

« on: May 25, 2006, 10:33:55 AM »

The Hormone Hostage
> >>>The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
> >>>all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life
> >>>into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common
> >>>as a driver's
> >>>license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
> >>>other!
> >>>
> >>>DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
> >>>SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
> >>>SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
> >>>ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
> >>>
> >>>DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
> >>>SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
> >>>SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
> >>>ULTRA SAFE: Here, have
>some
> >>>chocolate.
> >>>
> >>>DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
> >>>SAFER: What did I do wrong?
> >>>SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
> >>>ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
> >>>
> >>>DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
> >>>SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
> >>>SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
> >>>ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
> >>>
> >>>DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
> >>>SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
> >>>SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
> >>>ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
> >>>
> >>>13 Things PMS Stands For:
> >>>1. Pass My Shotgun
> >>>2. Psychotic Mood Shift
> >>>3. Perpetual
>Munching Spree
> >>>4. Puffy Mid-Section
> >>>5 People Make me Sick
> >>>6. Provide Me with Sweets
> >>>7. Pardon My Sobbing
> >>>8. Pimples May Surface
> >>>9. Pass My Sweat pants
> >>>10. Pissed Mood Syndrome
> >>>11! . Plainly ; Men Suck
> >>>12. Pack My Stuff......
> >>>
> >>>And my favorite one...
> >>> 13. Potential Murder Suspect

Jokes / welfare

« on: May 23, 2006, 09:46:02 PM »

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up
>to the counter and says, "Hi... You know,
>I just HATE drawing welfare I'd really rather
>have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your
>timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from
>a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
>bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
>
>You'll have to drive around in his
Mercedes, but
>he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the
>long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be
>expected to escort her on her overseas holiday
>trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
>You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the
>garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
>
>The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
>
>The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

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