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Topics - Lil Jodie P

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61
General Discussion / for all the silent victims...
« on: May 23, 2006, 09:44:26 PM »
Walking in my nighty; rubbing my eyes
My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend
He pats the seat in the middle; i sit
Shivering so cold; a quilt he lends

"Jessy you love me dont you" a smile; his
Their breathe spirts weep
"Daddy you know i do; what is it?"
He smiles at his friend; his hand creeps

His friend takes my hand; looks me in the eyes
Daddys creeping up my nightie; cold hands
I try to pull his hand away; grip is strong!
They look at one another; nod; something planned

I feel my palms sweat; Daddys under my knickers
"Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again
But there grip is to strong for weak me
I look at both; and ask, who are these men?

His fingers going up me; pulling away
His friend leans forward; a kiss? Why?
His toungue moving mine; my eyes squint
Lean back and away; "Why are you doing this?"

No answer, i feel the pain inside me; him
Chucks the quilt on the floor; me to
I try and scamper away, but im not fast
"O Daddy please, i love you"

His friend; pulling at my nightie
And my Dad pulling my pants down
His friend pinning my hands to the floor
As my Dad lies himself on the ground

I squirm; as Daddy friend pulls me up
And places me ontop of Daddy; thrusts within
I cry; i bite; i scratch; i slap; i fail
"O Daddy please you win you win!"

I can feel my skin rip; my virginity breaking free
I can feel the blood seep down my leg
"Daddy your hurting me please"
I plead to him and his friend; not even a beg

Daddys laughing; why does he laugh?
His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans
Tieing my hands togather; moving in and out
"Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans

They smile at one another; laugh to
They roll me over and spread me wide wel
My daddy sits on my face; himself in again
While his friend talks and pushes himself inside

I can hardly breathe; i gag for air
I cough and splutter; cry and weep
I beg and plead; but its no use
Theyve already made me hurt and bleed

I stare into his eyes; that look upon me
This is not my Dad; where is he?
If he was still here; would he care
Would he actually even; see?

Finally they get of and lie me on the sofa
My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain
They play with them selfs; all over me
Rub it in; making me feel the shame

"Why Daddy? Please tell me why?"
Dad looks at his friend; and waves him away
"Jessy i love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek
"Is that all you have in your heart to say?"

He puts my nightie on me
I walks me to my bedroom door
Ever since that night; His friend
And himself every Friday come back for more

"Night sweet Girl; You are my life"
Closing the door, tears still down my face
Still the smell of him and his friend
Fade into me like disgrace


I watch the Moon go down; the sun come up
"Jessy its school" Knocking at my door
I cant help but cry; weep in pain
Because im so scared he wanted more

But one night daddy took it too far
Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot
They were worried they would get caught
So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot

I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back
"Daddy please!! Not tonight!"
Daddy and his friend both had their last fun
After that i tried to put up a fight

I begged daddy "Please no more!"
All he could say "Shut up you stupid whore!"
Daddy unblindfolded me at last
He said I love you so much

He went back into the car and pulled out a bat
"Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!!!!"
I was dead
After only one swing..........................

62
General Discussion / just a question
« on: May 22, 2006, 07:04:33 AM »
ah have a question...

if ah man decide to delete ah topic he start...all the post people put in it go get deleted too...so duz dat affect your post count?...will your count drop cuz one man decide to delete his topic?

ah feel something like dat went down...Cana ah feel you go know what i talkin bout!

63
Jokes / say what you mean and mean what you say!
« on: May 19, 2006, 07:49:38 AM »
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...

or that you could crawl into a hole?

 

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who  did....

 

                                FIRST  TESTIMONY:

 

I walked into a  hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

and asked loudly,

 

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

 

I turned around  and walked back out and never went back

 

My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

 

 

                               SECOND  TESTIMONY:

 

I was at the golf  store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the  women's type I had been using.

 

After browsing for several minutes,

 

I was  approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

who works at the  store. He asked if he could help me.

 

Without thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

 

 

                               THIRD  TESTIMONY:

 

 My sister and I  were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy  and nuts.

 

As we were looking at the display case,

the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

 

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

 

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

 

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

 

To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

 

 

                              FOURTH TESTIMONY :

 

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.

 

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust

and annoyance from other patrons.

 

I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be

punished.

 

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as

threatening,

 

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

 

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

 

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.

 

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my

daughter in tow.

 

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of

laughter.

 

 

                               FIFTH  TESTIMONY:

 

Have you ever asked  your child a question too many times?

 

My three-year-old son had a lot of  problems with potty training and I was

on him constantly.

 

One day we  stopped at TacoBell for a quick lunch in between errands.

 

It was very busy, with a full dining room.

 

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,

so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.

 

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty  in a while.

 

I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

 

I  kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,

and I don't  have any clothes with me."

 

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't  have an accident?"

 

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he  must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.

 

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

 

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,

bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

 

While 30 people  nearly  choked to death on their tacos

laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

 

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the  best laugh they'd

ever had!

 

 

                         LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

 

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days

and a very embarrassed  female news anchor who will,

in the future, likely think before she  speaks.

 

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!

 

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have

snowed

and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

 

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

 

Not only did HE have to leave the set,

but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

64
General Discussion / ah need some help
« on: May 12, 2006, 06:30:36 PM »
so ah know dat dis is the place for shit talk and ole talk and gossip and comess...but once in ah while ah feel it ok to get real and be serious.
ah know the forum have plenty people my age and ting (even tho they may be a lil older) but ah mean it have plenty of us dat not 35 yet. and then too i know it have some older heads...this is for you guys

at this stage in meh life it kind of difficult...you know 21...not a child...yuh parents eh want to let go fully...you vex cuz you feel you big...STRESS!...CONFLICT!...how do you survive all this and get to that common ground where they see you for the young adult that you are ...how do you help them adjust...it kinda hard nah cuz i am de first chile too nah...the lab rat!...so i guess dey eh know what to expect...and i eh blaming dem...and ah feel me being ah girl have plenty to do wit it too!
anyway...somebody help me out ah little nah...i eh want to be fighting and tng wit dem...dey bring me here and ah love dem for that...but i tink dey need to realise i eh no little girl with ribbons no more.


65
Jokes / 9 things
« on: May 11, 2006, 06:54:26 PM »
9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!


5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.


6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?




66
Jokes / Little Johnny...not bad
« on: May 09, 2006, 06:59:07 AM »
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word

 "fascinate" in a sentence.

 

 Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm,

 and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating."

 

 The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word

 "fascinate, not fascinating".

 

 Sally raised her hand. She said, "My   family went to see Rock City and

 I was fascinated."

 

 The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use

 the word "fascinate."

 

 Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had

 been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no

 way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

 

 Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits

 are so big she can only fasten eight."

 

 The teacher sat down and cried.


67
Jokes / got to love kids!
« on: May 07, 2006, 10:22:47 AM »


TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is.
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria.
__________________________________________

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

_________________________________

TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell
it.

_______________________________________________

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for
water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE :  Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.

_______________________________________

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with
"I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

_________________________________

 
TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree,  but also admitted it. Now,     
Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish  him?
LOUIS : Because George still had the axe in his hand.


 ______________________________________

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to,  my Mom is a good
cook.

______________________________

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog"
is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy
his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps
on talking when people  are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.


68
Jokes / black testicles
« on: May 05, 2006, 11:28:52 AM »
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath."Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry a bout his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a ck?

69
Jokes / Secret...
« on: May 05, 2006, 11:26:40 AM »
A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it's a gay
bar.
"What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."
hen the gay
waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of
your willy?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a
drink.
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you
tell me the
name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the
slogan, 'Just
Do It.' that guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS,
because 'It
really Satisfies.' "The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender
tells him
he will give him a second to think it over.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer,
"Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says
with a
smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" the fella
proudly
replies, "'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the two fella's on his right
who just
happens to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you
guys
call yours?" The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims,
"FORD, because
Quality is Job One." "Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford
lately?" The guy
next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY....'Like a Rock!' "And
gives a
wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he
comes up
with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and
exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The
bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks,
"Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE
FOR A WOMAN!'

70
Jokes / all it took was one shot
« on: May 05, 2006, 11:25:34 AM »
Two friends were just about to tee off on the first hole at their local
>: golf course when another man, carrying a golf bag called out to them,
>: "Do
>: you mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up."
>:
>: "Sure," they said, "You're more than welcome."
>:
>: So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the
>: newcomer. Part way through the course, one of the friends turned to the
>: newcomer and said, "What do you do for a living?"
>:
>: "I'm a hit man," was his reply.
>:
>: "You're joking!" was their response.
>:
>: "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, he pulled out a
>: beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here
>: are
>: my tools."
>:
>: "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I
>: take a
>: look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
>:
>: So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction
>: of
>: his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic.
>: I
>: can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha
>: Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there
>: with
>: her ...... He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"
>:
>: He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
>:
>: "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull
>: the
>: trigger."
>:
>: "Can you do two for me now?"
>:
>: "Sure, what do you want?"
>:
>: "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the
>: mouth."
>:
>: "Then my neighbor, he's still a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick
>: off
>: to teach him a lesson."
>:
>: The hit man grabbed the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for
>: a
>: few minutes.
>:
>: "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
>:
>: "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a
>: grand
>: here....."

71
Jokes / what do you want to be when you grow up?
« on: May 04, 2006, 07:43:03 PM »
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.  A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.  Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.  The heart then
closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all  eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral.........I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.


72
General Discussion / quiet board?!?
« on: April 30, 2006, 03:22:23 PM »
i don't know if its just me or what...but of late i fine the board lil quiet these days! what's up?

73
Jokes / dis one for Bas!
« on: April 27, 2006, 07:26:09 AM »
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.  He
>breaks into a house to look for money and guns.  Inside, he finds a
>young couple in bed.  He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a
>chair.
>While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top
>of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
>
>While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen,
>this guy is an escaped convict.  Look at his clothes!  He's probably
>spent a
>lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.  I saw how he
>kissed
>your neck.  If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever
>he
>tells you.  Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.  This guy
>is
>obviously very dangerous.  If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be
>strong,
>honey.  I love ! you!"
>His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in
>my ear.  He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we
>had
>any Vaseline.  I told him it was in the bathroom.  Be strong honey.  I
>love
>you, too!!"


74
Jokes / UNANIMOUS
« on: April 25, 2006, 08:13:45 PM »
THIS IS A JOKE THAT ONLY TRINIDADIANS AND TOBAGONIANS  WILL UNDERSTAND, SO DO NOT BE UPSET IF YOU DO NOT GET IT.
> > >
> > >A teacher asked her students to use the word UNANIMOUS in a sentence. A trini girl jumped up and said "U-NANI-MOUS wash everyday!"

75
Jokes / help prevent the spread of diseases!
« on: April 21, 2006, 11:58:12 AM »

Hope this brings on a smile!
 

 

Miss Beatrice
 
 Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired
 for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to
 call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited
 him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
 
 As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
 cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
 in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea
 and scones, they began to chat.
 
 The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
 strange floater, but so on, it got the better of him and he could no
 longer resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me
 about this?" pointing to the bowl.
 
 "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
 Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
 directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
 prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
 winter?"


76
Jokes / the pastor and his donkey
« on: April 21, 2006, 11:55:43 AM »
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. 

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

 The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day....

Morale of the story is .... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery ... and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life ..... you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

 ;D

77
General Discussion / we dealing or not???
« on: April 17, 2006, 02:58:56 PM »
guys and girls
i know nobody here is Oprah or Dr Phil...but you know wen yuh young and in school...yuh know yuh have a guy or a girl cuz somebody does come out and state the obvious and den ask if yuh want to deal...well wen yuh get older dat doh seem to happen anymore. like yuh just supposed to know...'its supposed to be understood'.
so my question to de board is...how are you to understand when de ting is understood and yuh no longer single? ???

do you just go with the flow or do you come out and ask for clarification?

78
General Discussion / for all the beautiful women on the board!
« on: April 13, 2006, 01:51:10 PM »
ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
Can work full time while finishing school, raising

 respectful and intelligent children, be active in
 the PTA, be the pastor's secretary, and the choir
 president and a make it all seem effortless

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can make a $1.00 out of 15 Cents   
   
 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can go from the boardroom to the 'hood and "keep it
 real" in both places.

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can slap the taste out of your mouth.

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can put a Black man and his non-Black date on pins
 and needles just by walking into the room.



 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can live below poverty level and yet set fashion
 trends.

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can fight two struggles everyday and make it look
 easy.

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can make a child happy on Christmas Day even if he
 didn't get a darn thing.

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can be admired and fantasized about by men of other
 races and know that when she does cross over it's
 done out of sincerity, not a political move.
   
 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can be 75 years old and look 45!

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can make other women want to pay plastic surgeons
 top $$$ for physical features she was already born
 with.

 ONLY A BLACK WOMAN
 Can be the mother of civilization.

 Did Ya Hear me?

 If you are BLACK in origin, please do not delete....
 If we can forward "Ghetto" degrading e-mail, we can
 do the same here...

Pass it on to good friends of yours... Let Black
Women come together... Tell someone they're

beautiful today -

You're Beautiful!


79
Jokes / jus gotta love kids!
« on: April 07, 2006, 06:49:25 PM »
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
> > >father
> > > > said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
> > >$280,000
> > > > & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
> >The
> > > > next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door
> >with a
> > > > suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick
> >told
> > > > him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling
> >Mom
> > > > you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she
> >was
> > > > coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
> > > > $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"
> > > >
>

80
Jokes / gone hunting!
« on: April 05, 2006, 03:49:31 PM »
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices ... Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

81
Ok hear the scene i tryin to organise a small protest in order to
>>>change the crime situation in TnT... Basically, i callin for a
>>>boycott of all Clubs in trinidad... we know the gov't doh listen
>>>to poor ppl so if we stop feeding the rich they'll have to do
>>>something... doh worry i nuh sayin fire fuh Great Fete and
>>>Carnival, i sayin NO CLUBS... trini ppl like to party so this
>>>would be a good way to show we eh takin the shit that they feedin
>>>us daily... they can;t survive without us ppl, open your eyes and
>>>see that....we have the power...
>>>
>>>below is a lil explanation of the reason why i callin for drastic
>>>measure such as this... you can chose to support or continue doing
>>>nothing and watch as TnT degenerates. the choice is yours.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>so as we all know the situation in Trinidad is synonymous to a big
>>>pile of horse shit.
>>>
>>>the government is doing nothing except trying to point fingers at
>>>ppl for past crimes and they refuse to address the current
>>>situation with any form of seriousness, while the people of this
>>>country continue about their lives as normal. Drinking, limin,
>>>doin what all Trinis do, and when we see another murder, we steups
>>>and turn to the comics.
>>>
>>>we are in the month of April guys, and ther have been over 100
>>>murders for the year. Including the terrible instance of one Sean
>>>Luke. now it's all nice to wear black and say that the nation is
>>>in mourning over his death but what are we doing really? i mean,
>>>what do all these gestures mean?
>>>
>>>ppl say it's the first step in a right direction. "raising
>>>awareness"...BULLSHIT
>>>what? so we doh know how f**ked up the country is? all you need to
>>>do is walk down Frederick Street and you'll see. it is depressing.
>>>how many of us can confidently say that we feel safe when we walk
>>>down town if at all we can say that we indeed walk downtown.
>>>
>>>To my QRC, Convent, Fatima, HNC, all past pupils from a school in
>>>town or near town. remember when we used to walk down to town
>>>after school and lime a lil bit before we actually go home or go
>>>to lessons?
>>>
>>>My SACC lessons crew, remember when we used to lime on the Bus
>>>Route after class til like 6 or 7 in the night and if we leave
>>>"early" we used to stop in Curepe (those who goin west or central)
>>>and buy doubles? Can you actually see that happening now?
>>>
>>>what about goin Tsunami and Base and shit, we used to lime before
>>>and after in the car park before we go inside and flex on rel gyal
>>>without even studyin bout a man ready to fight and stab or shoot
>>>yuh ass.
>>>
>>>Basically what i tryin to say is RIGHT NOW THE SITUATION IS DAMN
>>>SHIT. and rel man if they chose to read this will agree and den
>>>forget about it in approximately 15secs. why? cuz nobody cares
>>>enough. as long as Baby Cham in Zen and Tsunami still have free
>>>premiums on Fridays we cool. ENT?
>>>
>>>WAKE UP!!! how long would it take for Trinidad to come to the
>>>state where we cah even go Zen or any club for that matter? and
>>>what are we doing about it? nothing.
>>>
>>>we complain all the time and lament about the loss of this and
>>>that and we do nothing. we fail to realise WE are the ones who can
>>>make the difference. WE have the power. it is pur choice to stand
>>>up and do something or wait for someone else to do something for
>>>us....(which is exactly what we are doin)
>>>
>>>I am fed us of doing nothing. Sooner or later it's gonna hit home
>>>and i will not be responsible for my actions. It has already
>>>hitclose to home and i don't wish for it to get any closer.
>>>
>>>for me, i am making a stand. it maybe is gonna be by myself but i
>>>am not goin to sit down and wait or anything to happen cuz by that
>>>time we will be looking at the Express and seeing Februrary 26th,
>>>400murders...rel ppl will think i talkin shit but i prefer to
>>>stand up and say hey, i tried.
>>>
>>>you can choose to stand by me or keep doing nothing. the most i
>>>can do is fail, but then again u can't fail a people who are
>>>already lost.
>>>
>>>Wake up TNT, it's time to do something. Please.

82
Jokes / in loving memory...
« on: March 30, 2006, 12:47:13 PM »
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought
his
> > ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him
> > >
> > >out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the
ashes,
> > she started talking to him. "Herman, you know that fur coat
> > >
> > >you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!" She paused
for
> > a  minute  tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, Herman,
> > >
> > >remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought that
with
> > the insurance money!"
> > >
> > >Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers
in
> > the ashes  she said, "Herman, that emerald necklace you promised
> > >me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!
> > >
> > >Finally still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,
"Herman,
> >  remember that blow job I promised you? ......Here it comes
> > >
> > >

83
Jokes / definition in yuh ras!
« on: March 28, 2006, 08:46:59 PM »
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French
tunnel,
driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling).

Followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an
American doctor,using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a Trinidadian,using Bill Gates's technology, and you're
probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a
Korean monitor,assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians,unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,and trucked to you by Mexican illegals..... And God
knows where you are !

That, my friends, is Globalization!

 ;)

84
Jokes / don't you think men are just brilliant?
« on: March 28, 2006, 08:32:41 PM »

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter
what the husband does sexually, his wife never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask
the rabbi.

The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
following suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have
the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize
and should bring on the desired event."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young
man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help
and she still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay", he says to the husband,
"let's try it reversed."

Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over
them."


Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel.

The young man gets going with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an
enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting,screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him
triumphantly,
"You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel."

85
Jokes / and then yuh want to know why yuh get yuh ass cut?
« on: March 24, 2006, 10:20:16 PM »
Why Parents Drink
>>
>>A boss wondered why one of his most valued
>>employees had
>>phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem
>>with one of the main
>>computers, he dialled the employee's home phone
>>number and was greeted
>>with a child's whisper.
>>
>>"Hello."
>>
>>"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
>>
>>"Yes," whispered the small voice.
>>
>>”May I talk with him?"
>>
>>The child whispered, "No."
>>
>>Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult,
the
>>boss asked, "Is your
>>Mommy there?"
>>
>>"Yes."
>>
>>"May I talk with her?"
>>
>>Again the small voice whispered,
>>"No."
>>
>>Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave
>>a message, the boss
>>asked, "Is anybody else there?"
>>
>>"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
>>
>>Wondering what a cop would be doing at his
>>employee's home, the boss
>>asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
>>
>>"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
>>
>>"Busy doing what?"
>>
>>"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came
>>the whispered
>>answer.
>>
>>Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like
>>a helicopter
through
>>the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What
>>is that noise?"
>>
>>"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
>>
>>"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now
>>truly apprehensive.
>>
>>;Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search
>>team just landed the
>>helicopter."
>>
>>Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the
>>boss
>>asked, "What are
>>they searching for?"
>>
>>Still whispering, the young voice replied with a
>>muffled giggle:
>>
>>"ME."
>>
>>

86
Jokes / for my beer lovers!!!
« on: March 16, 2006, 03:48:13 PM »
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the
> >bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic
> >Beer," he says.
> >
> >She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after
> >realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man
> >sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
> >
> >"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,
> >flies around the building three times and comes back in the window. The
> >lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
> >
> >He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the
> >building three times, and comes back in the window.
> >
> >She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, So the guy says to
> >the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
> >
> >She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
> >plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
> >
> >The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a
> >real asshole when you're drunk."

87
Jokes / the pastor's call card!
« on: March 13, 2006, 11:43:45 AM »
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At
                    one house it
seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated
knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the
back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card
had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of
laughter.


Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."


Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I
was naked."


Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!


"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)
 
 
 
 

88
Jokes / need some time off?
« on: March 05, 2006, 09:40:36 AM »
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow
me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would
tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and
made funny noises. My co-worker (who's
blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a
light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few
days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What
are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly
stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down
and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,
the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?" ( You're gonna
love this..... ) She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"


89
Jokes / the wash cloth
« on: March 05, 2006, 09:38:28 AM »
There is not a woman alive today who won't  crack up over this)

I was due for an appointment with the  gynecologist later in the afternoon
and that morning I received a call  from the doctor's office to tell me
that   I had been rescheduled for that  morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed
everyone off to work and school,  and it was already around 8:45am. The
trip   to his office took about 35  minutes, so I didn't have time to spare.

As most woman do I like to  take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits, but this  time I wasn't going to be able to make the
full   effort. So I rushed  upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that
was sitting next to  the sink, and gave myself a quick wash "in that area"
to   make sure I was  at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket,  donned some clothes, hopped
in   the car and raced to my appointment. I was  in the waiting room for only a
few minutes when I was called in.  Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you
do, I hopped up on the table,  looked over at the other side of the room
and   pretended that I was in  Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little  surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra
effort this  morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I  heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest
of   the day was  normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school
when my 6  year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom,
"Mommy,  where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the
cupboard.  She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it
had   all my  glitter and sparkles saved inside it!

90
Jokes / Just for meh boys!...ladies you will love this!
« on: February 23, 2006, 06:42:00 PM »
CLASSES FOR MEN
AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY
Monday, Jan. 30, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
     The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself?                Round Table Discussion
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.     
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
 ;D
 

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