March 28, 2024, 05:12:38 PM

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Topics - Lil Jodie P

Pages: 1 2 3 [4]
91
Jokes / the triplets!
« on: February 13, 2006, 09:53:05 PM »
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street
>>>>>when a
>>>>> >masked
>>>>> > >robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
>>>>>stomach.
>>>>> > >Luckily the babies
>>>>>were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets
>>>>> >in
>>>>> > >because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
>>>>>healthy
>>>>> > >daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and
>>>>>then one
>>>>> > >daughter walked into the room in tears.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied
>>>>>the
>>>>> >daughter.
>>>>> > >The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened
>>>>>16 years
>>>>> > >ago.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >About a week later the second daughter walked into the room
>>>>>in tears.
>>>>> > >"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what
>>>>>happened 16
>>>>> > >years
>>>>>ago.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >A week later her son walked into the room in tears.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were
>>>>>taking a
>>>>> > >tinkle and a bullet came out."
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot
>>>>>the dog."

92
Jokes / careful what you wish for!
« on: February 13, 2006, 11:40:21 AM »
> > A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The
> > waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
and a
> > coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
> >
> > "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
> >
> > A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
> >
> > "That will be $9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his
> > pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
> >
> > The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"A
> > hamburger, fries, and a coke."
> >
> > The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
> >
> > Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
> >
> > This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.
"The
> > usual?" asks the waitress.
> >
> > "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and

> > salad," says the man.
> >
> > "Same," says the ostrich.
> >
> > Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be
$32.62."
> > Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places
> > it on the table.
> >
> > The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir.
> >
> > How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of
your
> > pocket every time?"
> >
> > "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and
> > found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me
two
> > wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I
> > would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would
> > always be there."
> >
> > "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a

> > million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want
> > for as long as you live!"
> >
> > "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact
> > money is always there," says the man.
> >
> > The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
> >
> > The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall
chick
> > with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.

93
Jokes / tell me man doh look for their ting!
« on: February 13, 2006, 11:38:14 AM »
>A married man left work early one Friday afternoon.
>
>Instead of going home, however, he spent the weekend partying with the
>boys.
>
>When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on
>his case and stayed on it.
>
>After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and
>pointed at him and made him an offer.
>
>"How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of
>days??!?".....
>
>The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and
said,
>"That would suit me just fine!!"
>
>Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday
>went by and he still didn't see her.
>
>Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a
>little out of the corner of his left eye.

94
Jokes / laughs for us legal heads on the board!
« on: February 13, 2006, 11:27:34 AM »

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts', and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these
exchanges were actually taking place.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

95
Jokes / de crotchless panties!
« on: February 09, 2006, 01:28:36 PM »
Trust a Jamaicn guy to think like that.
>>> >
>>> >  A Jamaican woman felt that her love life was
>>> > slipping
>>> >  Because her husband had no more interest in sex.
>>> > While
>>> >  shopping one day she passed an adult shop and saw
>>> > some
>>> >  "crotchless panties", so she decided to buy a pair
>>> > and
>>> >  put them to the test.
>>> >  That evening she took a long bath and then she put
>>> > on
>>> >  perfume and a sexy negligee with her
>>> >  crotchless panties, She then slithers into the room
>>> > where
>>> >  her as usual husband was watching TV.
>>> >  She stood directly in front of him, one foot resting
>>> > high
>>> >  on the ottoman, negligee wide open and whispers "yuh
>>> > want
>>> >  some a dis?".
>>> >  Her husband took a casual glance looks up at her
>>> > wide
>>> >  Eyed and says "no sah, yu no see wha it do to yu
>>> > panty"

 

96
Jokes / Chinese Detective!
« on: January 31, 2006, 11:20:16 AM »
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a Chinese Detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok to watch an report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most Honourable Sir: You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree, look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.
No fee.

97
General Discussion / what really wrong with allyuh men out there!
« on: January 29, 2006, 02:58:13 PM »
i want to know...if a girl goes out to a fete or a party must she "free up" and wine down the place otherwise she is stoosh and social?!?!?!?!
huh huh oconnorg? you know what i talking bout! :rotfl: and consider yuhslelf lucky young man...i have not forgotten your ticket. i was just being nice! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
and if she dances by herslef all night...with her friends but not grinding or anything and a strange man comes to dance on her and she refuses him is she lesbian...just because he supposedly is a pretty boy rasta?!?!?!?!?!
what really wrong with allyuh men out there?

98
i dont mean to get all morbid on you guys out here...but i just need to vent! i just think that sometimes it weird the turns your life may take and the things you go through. and for thoes of us that believe in God...it sometimes feels like he is ignoring you. anybody get me?
well of late i just feel like God has been busy doing his 'greatness' that the little people like me have been somehow pushed to the back burner. and it really is a bit overwhelming when it feels like you have to cope alone. and right now i feel like i am really going to lose it. i was just hoping that someone out here (seeing that we are brothers and sisters in football and especially trini football!) might have had an encouraging word or something for me to feed off of. i know that this has nothing o do with football or anything we have ever spoken about here...but i need you guys! you usually cheer me up so i am hoping that the wonderful people on this site would help me pull through yet again.
thanks guys for being kind enough to take the time....i hope!

Pages: 1 2 3 [4]
1]; } ?>