61
Jokes / Re: for the married or soon to be...
« on: August 05, 2006, 01:07:16 PM »
April 27, 2024, 04:56:25 PM
Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
62
Football / Re: Sky Blues secure T&T's Chris Birchall.
« on: August 05, 2006, 01:03:10 PM »Congrats Birch
Thanks Port Vale for grooming Chris and for allowing him to feature regularly for the Soca Warriors without making much fuss.
Hardluck PortvaleChris, Birchallsgirl and the rest of PortVale fans we love allyuh and will always be welcome
Thanks Feliziano, I'll pass on your sentiments and of course from the rest of the Trinis.
63
Football / Re: Sky Blues secure T&T's Chris Birchall.
« on: August 05, 2006, 12:56:40 PM »
I was shocked when I first heard, then saddened. I was looking forward to giving 'our' world cup hero a standing ovation this afternoon but alas it was not to be. I am happy for me mum and pleased that at least he will be linking up with Stern John and this can only be good for the soca warriors. SOme Vale fans say good riddance but they are idiots. Me mum had a quiet season lats season compared to previous seasons but that was because of his commitment to TnT and the coming World Cup. The last thing Martin Foyle wanted was for Birchie to be to knackered to play in the world cup and also the majority of Vale Fans understood and didn't blame him for having a 'quiet' season, after all it's not every day that a player in the lower leagues get to play against the best in the world. So Chrissie, we are very proud of you and we at VAle thank you for what you have given us at Vale Park and we wish you all the best for the future. In a way, Birchall is still a player in 'my team' Trinidad and Tobago :-) so I haven't lost out really.
64
Jokes / An incident in a pub
« on: August 04, 2006, 06:51:01 AM »
In their local pub, a man and a woman are having a pint. When the man goes to the toilet, another man sits in his seat and starts chatting to the woman. ‘I'm going to shag you here and now,’ proclaims the man. ‘No you won't – I'll get my husband,’ she replies. ‘And then,’ continues the man, ‘I'm going to strip you naked and lick your body.’ ‘When my husband gets back, he'll kill you!’ she warns. ‘And once that's over with, I'm going to fill your pussy up with beer and then drink it through a straw!’ ‘Right, that does it!’ she yells, running off to get her husband. A few minutes later, she returns with him and explains what the pest had said. ‘He said he was going to shag me,’ cries the lady while her husband takes off his coat. ‘And then he said he wanted to lick my naked body,’ she sobs as her husband rolls up his sleeves. ‘And worst of all, he said he was going to fill my pussy with beer and drink it all up through a straw!’ At this, the man rolls his sleeves down, puts his coat back on and heads for the door. ‘What are you doing?’ protests the woman. To which the man replies, ‘I'm not fighting anyone who can drink that much beer!’
65
Jokes / Slip of the tongue
« on: July 31, 2006, 04:24:33 PM »
A guy is talking to his friend and says, ‘Man, I made the most embarrassing mistake yesterday. I went to the airport and the woman behind the counter had these beautiful big breasts, and I asked her for two pickets to Tittsburgh!’ ‘Yeah, I know what you mean,’ his friend replied. ‘Just this morning I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt and I said ‘BITCH, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!’’
66
Jokes / The Ferret
« on: July 31, 2006, 04:23:26 PM »
A man is having a quiet drink in a pub when a tramp comes up and asks, ‘Wanna buy this for £50?’ He pulls a ferret from his pocket. ‘What the hell would I want to buy that for?’ asks the man. ‘This ferret will give you the best blow job of your life,’ the tramp says. The guy thinks his leg is being pulled, and tells the tramp to sling his hook. Undeterred, the tramps continues, ‘Look, if you don’t believe me, take it outside for a free trial.’ The guy takes the ferret out to the back of the pub. Straight away, the animal unzips his trousers and gives him the best blow job of his life. So the guy carries the ferret back into the pub, gives the tramp £50 and takes the animal home. When his battleaxe of a wife opens the front door, the man proudly holds up the ferret. ‘Look what I’ve bought for £50,’ he proclaims. ‘What on earth did you buy that for?’ she asks angrily. ‘This ferret gave me the best blow job of my life!’ he exclaims. ‘Well,’ she says, annoyed. ‘What the hell do you want me to do with it?’ The man replies, ‘Teach it how to cook – and then f**k off!’
Apologies if it's been posted before.
Apologies if it's been posted before.
67
Jokes / Re: Jamaican Bus Driver (Funniest Shit Ever)
« on: July 24, 2006, 03:53:12 PM »
I think I know what it said. 
68
Jokes / Re: TRINI HUMOR
« on: July 22, 2006, 03:51:03 AM »
Yes, I've heard /read this before, on this site. Still a good one
71
Jokes / Re: an old one, but appropriate I think.
« on: July 17, 2006, 04:17:10 PM »
Fooking brilliant.
I used to see Stan Matthews in the morning when he was going to the shop to get his newspaper. Just thought I'd share that.
I used to see Stan Matthews in the morning when he was going to the shop to get his newspaper. Just thought I'd share that.
72
Jokes / Booby prize
« on: July 17, 2006, 01:07:18 PM »
After a woman meets a man in a bar, they talk and end up leaving together. They get back to his flat, and as he’s showing her around, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of them – all arranged in size, from the smallest on the shelves along the floor, to the huge Daddy bears on the very top shelf. Surprised, the woman still decides not to mention this to him. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, ‘Well, how was it?’ ‘Well,’ says the man, frowning. ‘You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.’
73
Football / Re: Help Zidane
« on: July 10, 2006, 05:19:51 PM »Why not do one for Rooney and for Crouch; that ought to cheer the blokes up .I find this a bit daff.
If I could find one for Rooney and for Crouch then I would definitely post it,
especially for you.
74
Football / Re: Soca Warriors vs Reggae Boyz
« on: July 10, 2006, 05:18:11 PM »
I'm english so not biased. I voted for the Soca Warriors (or if you are an ignorant english TV presenter or journalist- Soccer Warriors) But as I've spent so long on this site it's almost my second home I think I'm getting a little biased. We've even had the warmest summer for a long time.
75
Football / Help Zidane
« on: July 10, 2006, 05:13:22 PM »
Just drag Zidane towards the advancing french players then click on your mouse thing. Not sure if this should be in the joke section. Apologies if it's already been posted.
http://tonaz.altervista.org/zidane.html
http://tonaz.altervista.org/zidane.html
78
Football / Re: Extreme violence during Argentina Germany game
« on: July 05, 2006, 04:46:58 PM »
I wasn't sure whether to put it in the joke section or not
79
Football / Extreme violence during Argentina Germany game
« on: July 05, 2006, 04:38:43 PM »
My blood ran cold when I saw this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwMpaKiRyD0&feature=Views&page=1&t=t&f=b
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwMpaKiRyD0&feature=Views&page=1&t=t&f=b
80
Football / Re: Hector Sam on trial at league2 Chester City!
« on: July 05, 2006, 01:42:18 PM »
Some times in order to go forward you have to take a step backwards. I'm sorry it didn't work out at the Vale for him, I thought he should have been given more time to get over his injury. I wish him all the best at Chester City. Good Luck Hector!!
81
Jokes / How the press works
« on: June 30, 2006, 06:21:30 PM »
Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a nearby fence, forces it into the dog’s collar and twists it, breaking the dog’s neck. All the while, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, ‘Manchester City fan saves friend from vicious animal.’ The boy interrupts: ‘But I'm not a City fan.’ The reporter starts again: ‘Manchester United fan rescues friend from horrific attack.’ The boy interrupts again: ‘I'm not a United fan either.’ ‘Who do you support, then?’ ‘Liverpool,’ replies the boy. So the reporter starts again: ‘Scouse bastard kills family pet.’
I love scousers really
I love scousers really
82
Jokes / One about Pinocchio
« on: June 30, 2006, 06:20:09 PM »
Pinocchio complains to his father saying ‘Whenever I attempt to make love to a woman, she complains of splinters.’ His father shows pity and gives Pinocchio a piece of sandpaper to smooth his knob down whenever he needs to. A few days later during dinner his father asks, ‘How are the girls?’ Pinocchio replies, ‘Girls? Who needs girls?
83
Jokes / Bad ass one
« on: June 23, 2006, 06:07:33 PM »
One day a man has a terrible stomach complaint and goes along to his doctor to see what can be done about it. The doctor tells him that he is very ill, but that he can cure his condition with a course of suppositories, inserted deep into his arse every six hours. ‘Right,’ says the doctor, ‘bend over and I’ll do the first one for you.’ The man bends down and the doctor sticks the suppository deep into his hole. He then gives the man his course and sends him home. At home six hours later the man realizes that he can’t stick the suppository far enough up his arse on his own, and he asks his wife to help him insert the slippery bullet. After explaining to her what to do the man bends over. His wife puts one hand on her husband’s shoulder to brace herself and thrusts the suppository really hard into his arse. To her horror, the man lets out a desperate, blood-curdling scream. ‘My God!’ she cries. ‘What’s the matter? Have I hurt you?’ ‘No,’ replies the man. ‘But I’ve just realized that when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders.’
84
Jokes / Following the disappointment in Germany, I hope this cheers you up.
« on: June 23, 2006, 06:02:40 PM »
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, and when the cowboy finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he bellowed, making the glasses on the bar shake. No-one answered. The cowboy squinted around the room then, without looking, shot the tops off three bottles of whisky on the bar. “Alright,” he snarled at the room. “I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna have to do what I done in Texas.” The locals shifted uneasily in their seats, as the cowboy swivelled around suddenly. “And let me tell you – I really don’t want to do what I done in Texas.” Chairs creaked restlessly. The cowboy sat at the bar again, and quickly downed another beer. The locals watched as he got up, paid the bill and walked outside – to find his horse back where he’d left it. As he saddled-up and started to ride out of town, the bartender came out of the bar. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approached the lone wanderer. “Say partner, before you go, tell me – what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back, with a long face, said......................“I had to walk home.”
85
Football / Re: Science discovers perfect penalty
« on: June 23, 2006, 12:20:11 PM »
They should also take into account when the penalty is being taken, first half, second half and penalty shoot out, and if the penalty take is doing so against his will and whether a nice girl in the crowd has lifted her shirt to expose her breasts.
86
Jokes / Re: speeding ticket
« on: June 20, 2006, 10:14:32 AM »
I have been trying to remember this joke for months so that I could post it here but I jsut couldn't think how it went. Great one that.
87
Jokes / In the beginning...
« on: June 18, 2006, 05:17:35 PM »
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.
You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50years."
The mule answered: "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.”
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."
And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth.
You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected."
And it was so. So God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50years."
The mule answered: "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.”
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."
And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth.
You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected."
And it was so. So God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
88
Jokes / Fertile celebration.
« on: June 18, 2006, 05:11:38 PM »
While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
90
Football / Re: Beware!!! A New Virus Going Around
« on: June 18, 2006, 04:20:58 AM »
I think I have a sympton of it. During the England game I was the only 'England Fan' wearing a red T Shirt and when England scored I was the only one who didn't jump up and cheer. Am I infected with this virus?