Now hold on there, Jack
By Andrew Jennings
Opinion in the Trinidad Express
Is there a doctor in this page? If so, get round to Jack Warner's house quick. The poor man's suffering from delirium. Tell him to lie down in a cool dark room until his fantasies go away. And stay there, as long as it takes. Really, the world can wait.
Poor Jack's been raving again. He claims I've written a book with Trinidad's own Lasana Liburd, that we're ganging up together on Trinidad, on football, on Warner's entire family. He thinks we're out to endanger him and his family. Jack, Jack, it isn't so! It's just a little paranoid delusion. Take some rest, old son. Have an aspirin, or something stronger.
I've had concerns before about Jack's mental health. Whenever I meet him on the world soccer circuit, in Miami or Zurich, Seoul or Bamako I put out my hand and say, "Hello Jack!" Poor Jack barks back, "You smell!" and keeps his hands tight behind him. (Is that a straitjacket he's wearing?)
And now he's all tied up in delusions about Lasana Liburd and me ganging up on him. Jack, old fellow, relax! Lasana and I are just good friends. We haven't written a word together, and certainly not a book. And as for endangering your family, we're journalists, Jack. Perhaps you've got us muddled up with someone else. There, there, now. Lie down. Matron will be along soon to give you your enema.
Here's a sample from the 5,061 words of dementia he's posted on the T&TFF website: "There are plans afoot by Liburd and his English accomplice to initiate a series of anti-Joseph Blatter (FIFA's president)/anti-Warner campaigns in the Caribbean, later this month beginning in Jamaica."
I've visited Jamaica once, teaching journalism at the UWI campus at Mona. I do know that next month Poor Jack will be trying to destabilise the splendid JFF president Crenston Boxhill and restore past-his-sell-by-date Horace Burrell to power.
Poor Jack concludes his reference to me and Jamaica with the lunatic refrain: "Massa day done; Massa day come back!!!" He's terribly confused, poor thing, perhaps he's mistaken me for someone else.
Jack, Jack, it's me, Andrew! Andrew Jennings. I'm a journalist, Jack. I'm a fellow who was marching for Nelson Mandela's freedom back in the 1960s. You must have met people like me, before, Jack. There's millions of us all over the world. Perhaps you were marching with us. Or perhaps you weren't.
Jack, you're looking anxious. Are you hearing voices? Are you feeling dazzled by strong bright lights? Well that's all right, old son. They're real. There's Lasana Liburd shining a light on your family finances. There's Dr Thomas Bauer, liquidator in Switzerland, shining his light into the affairs of FIFA's former marketing company, the defunct ISL company and discovering evidence of bribes paid to sports officials.
And there's investigating Magistrate Thomas Hildbrand in Zurich, probing the relationship between FIFA and the bosses of ISL. In May last year Hildbrand indicted six ISL executives, alleging they'd embezzled at least US$70 million from FIFA. And back in November he raided Sepp Blatter's offices. So, I'm not surprised you're dazzled, Jack. You should be. The lights are coming on all over the football empire.
Poor Jack's terribly confused about tickets. Back in December his family company Simpaul took out ads offering, "EXCLUSIVE, tickets to T&T's First Round games in Germany-Only Simpaul Travel Service can get you into the Soca Warriors First Round Games!" Jack insisted he had a stack of tickets. Then in January he said that no tickets had been applied for.
And the latest guaranteed truth (due for revision any day) is . . . an anonymous European tour operator has "granted" Simpaul the "right" to be "exclusive" in Trinidad. Will somebody please help Jack hunt down his brain.
Call me an old fool or "Massa" if you are Jack but I'm wondering who pays for the tickets that he sells? A couple of years back, poring over the records of the Antiguan soccer association, I discovered that World Cup tickets acquired by Jack's pal Chet Greene had been charged to Antigua's account with FIFA. Antigua, like Trinidad and every other national association in the world, gets an annual grant of US$250,000 from FIFA. I've got copies of the Antiguan FIFA account. Wouldn't we all like to see Trinidad's?
Jack's confusion is dangerously contagious. San Juan MP Dr Fuad Khan, defending his friend's ticket hijack says, "This act on Mr Warner's part was not only a prudent business decision but it demonstrates the ingenuity of a simple man trying to make it in a rough world." Wow. Here's a candidate for the Integrity Commission.
Adds Khan, "Why should people question those motives? Is it because he is a man of colour?" I'm glad that Dr Khan asks this question. The answer is clogging the Internet.
Dally at your keyboard this morning, Dr Khan. You'll find Jack's ticket scandal screaming off the wires, potentially on every breakfast table newspaper, every radio and television bulletin on the planet. There's nothing about his ethnicity, the UNC or the PNM. Or me or Lasana.
Only the curious business of the FIFA vice-president and his World Cup ticket business. And how the fish rots from the head.
Papers in Berlin and Munich have published stories about "Jack the Ripper". Forbes business magazine in New York has it, so has Sports Illustrated, it's in Sao Paulo and a moment ago I saw it come up on an Indian TV news website. It's a featured story on Friday's daily emailed list of corruption horrors circulated by Transparency International. Soon the soccer chatrooms will fill up with the unrepeatable comments of fans who can't afford Jacko's prices.
They've seen that brilliant newspaper advertisement for Simpaul screaming "Ticket! Or leave it." A fair reflection of Jack and his family. But is this how Trinidad wants to be seen?
Foul! British journalist Andrew Jennings' investigation of FIFA corruption, will be published by Harper Collins this year.