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are you an ALF?...read and find out
« on: May 04, 2005, 08:35:17 AM »
taken from the Guardian 5/4/05


BY MORGAN COULTHURST

Don’t be fooled by his 10 000 runs, two world records, 27 centuries including a quadruple, triple and five doubles. Lara is a cancer on West Indies cricket.

At first glance this logic seems irrational, but to really understand it you have to speak to an ALF. I don’t mean the comedian turned born-again Christian with headlining experience. In this case, ALF stands for Anti Lara Fan.

The two fundamentals of ALF are simple:

1. Any runs scored by Lara are only for himself and not on behalf of the West Indies team. Lara’s runs always come with a selfish motive

2. Lara makes runs only when he wants to. Any low score is either a deliberate attempt to undermine the incumbent captain, or just a matter of being ‘don’t carish.’He’s thinking about carnival or some British supermodel.

ALFs are masters at taking any situation in a game involving West Indies and constructing an argument proving that Lara is the problem. The simpler the premise of their arguments the better. The example below illustrates an ALF argument which can be applied in the wake of the Port-of-Spain defeat. Fact 1: Lara didn’t play in the First Test in Guyana and the team drew.

Fact 2: Lara played in the Second Test in Trinidad and the team lost.

Conclusion: West Indies are a better team without Lara and he should be omitted.

Believe it or not, this simple logic is enough to convince many. There are, however, others who will demand that the ALF come with something a bit stronger and consider at least some other elements such as the performance of the South Africans, the flat pitch at Bourda, the performance of other batsmen in the West Indies team, Shiv’s captaincy, the no balls of Reon King and of course Lara’s overall contribution in the losing cause.

But ALFs are not easily defeated; in fact, they will then turn that evidence against Lara by explaining to you that all of the other factors were influenced by Lara. In the last Test match, Lara made 200 runs, but ALFs will tell you defeat was Lara’s fault because the other members of the team did not score runs. Lara quite simply stops others from performing by his very presence. He makes other batsmen feel so inferior they can’t even hold a bat straight. He stops the bowlers from taking wickets and sends out so much negativity that fielders can’t even hold on to the dolly catches. At the same time he inspires the opposition to play better. Once bombarded by this evidence, always presented with high emotion, even the biggest Lara supporter is forced to give up in exasperation.

ALFs have ready made anti Lara arguments for all scenarios. When Lara makes a big score and other batsmen support with runs to produce a formidable total, Lara’s innings is irrelevant. The fact that everybody else made runs means that the wicket must have been really easy. This adds fuel to another common ALF belief that Lara is only a flat wicket bully.

When Lara makes a moderate score, but the team makes a big score, Lara is to blame for simply not trying (Refer to point 2 of ALF fundamentals). If Lara is the best batsmen in the world he should have stood up like the others.

Lara has made hundreds with injured thumbs, hamstring strains and even hepatitis, but ALFs will warn you not to mistake any of this for dedication to the cause of West Indies cricket. It is all a matter of glory for Lara (Refer to Point 1 of ALF Fundamentals). When Lara almost single- handedly won two Test matches against Australia in 1999 that was not inspirational leadership. That was selfish play aimed at just securing his position as West Indies captain after being put on a two-match probation. Of course, if he had failed as a batsman in that series, the ALF response would have been, a true champion batsman should be able to make runs under any conditions against the best opposition.

So win, lose or draw, Lara is the victim. Lara should realise that his over-achievement is frowned on by the growing population of ALFs among us. If he can curb his appetite for runs, step back and try to play at the level of the others and not be a ‘stand out’ he may blunt the ALF attacks. Who knows, one day a little ALF may even whisper in your ear that Lara just might have been a team man with West Indies cricket at heart.

 

 

 
 
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