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Author Topic: laughs for us legal heads on the board!  (Read 1070 times)

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Offline Lil Jodie P

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laughs for us legal heads on the board!
« on: February 13, 2006, 11:27:34 AM »

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts', and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these
exchanges were actually taking place.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
FOREVER AND ALWAYS "Little Jodie P" :)

Offline PortValeChris

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Re: laughs for us legal heads on the board!
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2006, 12:11:52 PM »
This has been on this site before, no matter cos it is a classic  :rotfl:
PortValeChris  AKA The Former TVV from onevalefan. 

Port Vale  We want ah goal!!


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Somebody threw a tomato at him
Now, Tomatoes don't hurt with their soft juicy skin
But this one it knackered, 'cause it come in a tin

Offline Pointman

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Re: laughs for us legal heads on the board!
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2006, 05:07:29 PM »
dat last one is BOSS!!!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Trini to de bone; Pointman to de bone.

Offline nobody_s angel

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Re: laughs for us legal heads on the board!
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2006, 09:51:47 AM »


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

the last one was good too but this one took the cake for me.

Offline oconnorg

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Re: laughs for us legal heads on the board!
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2006, 09:52:27 AM »
lawrrd faddah... wheey sar
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