In a surprising turn of events, the Brazilian National Team has requested to be called by their real names in the upcoming World Cup. As it turns out, the players have long despised being referred to by their nicknames.
Pele recently complained, “My name is Edson Arantes Do Nascimento or translated to English, David Matthew Roy. That is what my parents named me and that is what I want to be called. Stupid Americans and your nicknames. What is Pele? I don’t even know what that means!â€
Ronaldihno confirmed this sentiment when he explained, “I mean, at least in the past the names were original like Pele and Zico. Now they are all the same. What, you couldn’t think of any new ones after Ronaldo, so you just add ‘ihno’?! Plus there’s already a Christian Ronaldo. The lack of originality is tasteless. I want to be called my real name, Gaucho.â€
Added rising midfield star, known as Kaka, “What am I, a bird call or something? Dawg, my name is Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite or maybe Rick or Ricky. But I ain’t no mating call. I hate the media.â€
The new starting lineup for Brazil will now read: Luis Nazario do Lima, Adriano Leite Ribeiro, Robson de Souza, Lucimar da Silva Ferreira, Marcos Evangelista de Moraes, Roberto Carlos De Silva, Jose Vitor Roque Junior, Diego Rumas da Cuhno, Jose Roberto da Silva Junior, Nelson de Jesus Silva, and Ronaldo de Assis Moreira. Opinions have sprung up throughout the footballing world. Although ESPN is excited by the possibility of an in-game name-matching game, announcers are lamenting the change. “Considering the talent on the Brazilian team, it could be 4-0 by the time we finish reading the starting lineups!†exclaimed Tommy Smith.
Meanwhile, Nike is confounded by exactly how to fit these new names onto the backs of jerseys. Phil Knight offered an explanation, saying, “We don’t have print that small. But hey, we could just slap a swoosh on reusable name tags and people will still buy it.â€
Although sponsors are trying to convince them otherwise, the Brazilian team is staunch in its stance. The overall team sentiment was best summed up by the brash young player formerly known as Robinho, “Who you calling a ho?!!â€
http://www.tsl.pomona.edu/?page=sports&article=1464&issue=51