ah need some help

[Lil Jodie P]

so ah know dat dis is the place for shit talk and ole talk and gossip and comess...but once in ah while ah feel it ok to get real and be serious.
ah know the forum have plenty people my age and ting (even tho they may be a lil older) but ah mean it have plenty of us dat not 35 yet. and then too i know it have some older heads...this is for you guys

at this stage in meh life it kind of difficult...you know 21...not a child...yuh parents eh want to let go fully...you vex cuz you feel you big...STRESS!...CONFLICT!...how do you survive all this and get to that common ground where they see you for the young adult that you are ...how do you help them adjust...it kinda hard nah cuz i am de first chile too nah...the lab rat!...so i guess dey eh know what to expect...and i eh blaming dem...and ah feel me being ah girl have plenty to do wit it too!
anyway...somebody help me out ah little nah...i eh want to be fighting and tng wit dem...dey bring me here and ah love dem for that...but i tink dey need to realise i eh no little girl with ribbons no more.

[ndookie]

im going to have a good look at this topic , sure it will have useful information ...

[dcs]

It might just have to have a period of conflict where you show you have the guts to stand up to them...if you do it right they may have more respect for you in the end.

This is assuming that you are in fact ready for more independence and doh just think yuh ready.


Financial independence and having a real plan for your future are other things they will be looking at.
And as a girl how you handle yourself with fellahs.  If they think yuh is be doing chupidness they will resist giving you more freedom.

Of course you could be doing all the right things and they just need a reality check.  You might need to do something that leaves them with a very real image of you as a responsible young adult.  I eh know what that is.  Just be careful yuh eh do the wrong ting and end up getting licks   

[doh_stick]

Jodie P, I think it is a right of passage for everyone to go through this. I saw my sister have some vicious fights with my parents back in her convent days. However, everything eventually settled down.   I think the key here is your actions. You really have to carry yourself like an adult/young lady. I mean from the outfits you going to fete in, to men who calling yuh house at night (everyone have cell pone now though so may not be issue), or coming to chek you. Additionally, I think you really have to talk to your parents, doh tell dem your business but get their advice on things, just be cool with them and let them know iz a tough time but you really trying...Good luck sister!!

[Lil Jodie P]

It might just have to have a period of conflict where you show you have the guts to stand up to them...if you do it right they may have more respect for you in the end.
This is assuming that you are in fact ready for more independence and doh just think yuh ready.


Financial independence and having a real plan for your future are other things they will be looking at.
And as a girl how you handle yourself with fellahs.  If they think yuh is be doing chupidness they will resist giving you more freedom.

Of course you could be doing all the right things and they just need a reality check.  You might need to do something that leaves them with a very real image of you as a responsible young adult.  I eh know what that is.  Just be careful yuh eh do the wrong ting and end up getting licks   

yea...my babes is always telling me that...that i dont stand up to them to show them that i am not a child anymore. of course he says certain things i just have to agree with them...but i have t know when to stand up for myself!
as for the fellahs...it only have one...and my folks know about him...they eh really know him and i guess that is unsettling to them...but its not like i dont want them to know him...daddy is try to be macho and want to intimidate dem wit de silent treatment...so i doh try to be in dat too much. i talk to my about him all de time doh...so she have a general idea of what going on wit me and him. but i plan on bringin him home so dey cud know him and be cool wit him.
i eh saying i want to leave home or anyting eh...i just want them to understand that i not 6 anymore...make dem see that yes i growing up and and they have to learn to let go. i doh need for dem to hold meh hand no more...now doh get meh wrong eh...dey eh so bad....i duz go meh party and ting...hell! i have freedom...but i just fed up of mom waiting up whole night cuz i gone out...and she cyah sleep till i reach home....and i fed up of her freaking out cuz i driving in de night....just little tings like dat...we duz fall out for the little tings like dat....

[Grande]

It might just have to have a period of conflict where you show you have the guts to stand up to them...if you do it right they may have more respect for you in the end.

This is assuming that you are in fact ready for more independence and doh just think yuh ready.


Financial independence and having a real plan for your future are other things they will be looking at.
And as a girl how you handle yourself with fellahs.  If they think yuh is be doing chupidness they will resist giving you more freedom.

Of course you could be doing all the right things and they just need a reality check.  You might need to do something that leaves them with a very real image of you as a responsible young adult.  I eh know what that is.  Just be careful yuh eh do the wrong ting and end up getting licks   

that echoes my perspective too. If there are things in yuh life that you are dependent on them for but feel you could do it on your own, step up and let them see yuh handling it like the adult you are. You have to start somewhere.

If de situation is with the fella, at least yuh talking to yuh mother about it. That is good. Your father will come around eventually hopefully. But at the end of the day is your life and your relationship and they will have to accept your decisions.

Let your parents read this, if yuh up for it:

http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran4.html
 

[Lil Jodie P]

It might just have to have a period of conflict where you show you have the guts to stand up to them...if you do it right they may have more respect for you in the end.

This is assuming that you are in fact ready for more independence and doh just think yuh ready.


Financial independence and having a real plan for your future are other things they will be looking at.
And as a girl how you handle yourself with fellahs.  If they think yuh is be doing chupidness they will resist giving you more freedom.

Of course you could be doing all the right things and they just need a reality check.  You might need to do something that leaves them with a very real image of you as a responsible young adult.  I eh know what that is.  Just be careful yuh eh do the wrong ting and end up getting licks   

that echoes my perspective too. If there are things in yuh life that you are dependent on them for but feel you could do it on your own, step up and let them see yuh handling it like the adult you are. You have to start somewhere.

If de situation is with the fella, at least yuh talking to yuh mother about it. That is good. Your father will come around eventually hopefully. But at the end of the day is your life and your relationship and they will have to accept your decisions.

Let your parents read this, if yuh up for it:

http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran4.html
 

thanks Grande for the link...i will let them read it! i thought it was good reading...and not just cuz i agree.

[Dutty]

Lemmih toss in my 2 cents from one of de older heads

With regard to the 'transition' you are simply going to have to sit them down one day and have a frank (not jokey casual) talk about how you feel and would like to be treated more like full fledged adult

however as long as you kinda tiptoeing around the boyfren issue with your father, he will continue to see you as a child because only lil chirren does 'sneak' around when dey doin someting dey feel go get dem in trouble
 on top ah dat, as long as you livin under de people roof and eatin dey food, yuh kinda obligated to let them know yuh whereabouts because worrying is an unconcious ting
De only time dat go change is when you actually move out on your own

Lastly yuh mudder staying up till yuh come home go NEVER NEVER change

I remember commin home for visits and seeing my grandmudder waiting up for my aunts (also on vaction) and the same aunts have big children older dan you...so fight it allyuh want..ah tellin yuh you will lose!!! ah mother will always worry......especially with de wileness goin on in trini dese days

The rest is all open communication...no undercover ting

Hope that helped

[Lil Jodie P]

Lemmih toss in my 2 cents from one of de older heads

With regard to the 'transition' you are simply going to have to sit them down one day and have a frank (not jokey casual) talk about how you feel and would like to be treated more like full fledged adult

however as long as you kinda tiptoeing around the boyfren issue with your father, he will continue to see you as a child because only lil chirren does 'sneak' around when dey doin someting dey feel go get dem in trouble on top ah dat, as long as you livin under de people roof and eatin dey food, yuh kinda obligated to let them know yuh whereabouts because worrying is an unconcious ting
De only time dat go change is when you actually move out on your own

Lastly yuh mudder staying up till yuh come home go NEVER NEVER change

I remember commin home for visits and seeing my grandmudder waiting up for my aunts (also on vaction) and the same aunts have big children older dan you...so fight it allyuh want..ah tellin yuh you will lose!!! ah mother will always worry......especially with de wileness goin on in trini dese days

The rest is all open communication...no undercover ting

Hope that helped

Dutty...i eh sneaking! daddy know dat de man around...he know i duz go out wit him....he just being difficult and eh want to see dat it have another man in my life besides him. i always let my floks know wen i have a boyfriend...things is be easier dat way. and ah know mom go worry...but i just feel is for nothing...she eh need to lose so much sleep! just my thoughts...but i guess i wont know till i have my own...dey duz always tell meh dat!

[doc]

If you are still a "dependent", it may be useful to have one of your parent's peers, an elder family member or even a spiritual counsellor petition your parents or join your advocacy. Some parents would grasp the same argument you would put forward if it is done by someone whom the hold in high regard.

I've done some persuading for young individuals in the past whose parent would quicker lend an ear to what I said, after they've been embattled over essentially the same position advocated by their daughter.

Also if you can assuage their deep fears or concerns, then you'd be well on your way to more liberty and the trust that you so desperately need and deserve. Be patient. I wish you well little sis'.

[trinindian]

There are two boys and two girls in my family, and as one of the boys i can safely say we had the freedom to go an come, but the girsl were a totally different story. I am the youngest but I had more freedom at 16 than my eldest sibling who was a girl at 21. I remember seeing the frustration on my sister as she grew older and wantted to go out.

Even though I am not telling you how to deal with the situation,I just wantted you to know that others go through the same thing.

But the honest truth is parent never stop worrying, even now my mom jokingly tell me that my brother never tells her where he is going even though he is 29 yrs, my approach is somewhat different I don't ask, i inform that I will be going, it seem to help lessen the fear because they now that you are been responsible. A quick way to deal with you mom staying up, is to let her meet the people you going out with, and if some one drops you off it will sort of help if she see that they are the same people you left. Parents are generally concern about drunk drivers, so when you return it will go a long way if she knows that the you and your transportation aren't intoxicated.
Sometime you just have to keep the frustration in and let them believe that you are doing it there way, reins of constratint will loosen when they feel they no longer have to monitor you coming and goings.
Give the frequency of accidents and crime, parents will be concern.
Just stick with it, easier said than done.

But make sure you don't let the frustration get to you, that you do something rash.

And about your dad silent treatment, most dads do that it is a method of instilling soem fear in a young man to let hime know that this is my baby girls not another one of your flings so you better step correct. It tends to go away once they know the guy is not on stupidnees. My sis did not want to introduce her bf to my dad, but once they met they actually get along well. if you ask me he jus like my father that is why they get along so well

[verb]

Lil Jodie, No matter what you do or how old you get your parents will still think you're their baby girl.  Specially carib parents.  You're never too old too get a beat down from them.  The way I deal with that I give my parents respect and still do what I want to do.  Although I do have my own car, and my own place. That might be different for you.  In the carib you can be fifty and still stay with moms.  But Do what you got to do respectfully.  Don't disrespect them because you will always regret it when they're gone.

[Quags]

im going to have a good look at this topic , sure it will have useful information ...

Your right nooks, good e.g for you ,start slowly planning your escape i.e freedom from now.
You must start grooming them from now for your eventual departure;from total lockdown,how u may ask easy .

Every time they say no,say ok <no fight>but eventuaaly right ........I mean when am 17 i  can do that

and that right. Slowly getting them use to your thoughts and ideas,done properly it could work.

Addendum;  You got to fight for your right to par......................................................................

........................................................................................................................................

[STEUPS!!]

girl , ah know exactly how yuh feelin, cuz i in dat same position. d only difference is dat im d youngest, d 'baby' . it real frustrating , especially d days ah want to lime wit meh pips. i in my very early 20's, financially independent, yet moms still fightin meh down.
i come to accept it eh girl. an is only becuz dey love yuh, why dey so overprotective
moms does always tell me ,' yuh go b grateful when yuh get older yuh know' an d ting is , she right.

bless!!

[ndookie]

im going to have a good look at this topic , sure it will have useful information ...

Your right nooks, good e.g for you ,start slowly planning your escape i.e freedom from now.
You must start grooming them from now for your eventual departure;from total lockdown,how u may ask easy .

Every time they say no,say ok <no fight>but eventuaaly right ........I mean when am 17 i  can do that

and that right. Slowly getting them use to your thoughts and ideas,done properly it could work.

Addendum;  You got to fight for your right to par......................................................................

........................................................................................................................................

hmm , thanks for the info...it kinda funny though , never thought of it as escape..

[SHOTTA]

jodie

to me its a matter of financial independance cummulated with gender

when i in school i humble mums talk i hush or dive out for a while

when i working she says nothing

now she is not one to blank me nuttin but u see i am a fellar and u does learn wen u wa sumtin u cyar be askin she fo it right tru

if u hav a gyul u hada cary she out an ting so da money hada come from somewherwe

my girl is a yr younger dan me and workin since a levels dun helpin wit bills d whole shizznit

but dat dont stop she pops from hittin me d eagle eye trying to frighten a nigga an watnut

d fact that i drivin really doh help its like he wa he chile travel late dan drive wit i man

but jus relax and be a girl like periods and free cinima it comes with the terriority

but dat comes wit d teriority

[TriniCana]

<reading every post and wonders>

Every adult pass the stage you are in right now.
Some was fortunate to have parents who still cared.
Some wish their parents were around to give advice
Some had no choice but to grow up quickly to take care of their siblings, because is either parents died, single parent, both working, and dey just didn't care.

What you have infront of you is parents who obviously care bout the first born GIRL child. Yes dey want to keep you under their feet, yes they want to protect you in every possible way (i would also, look at TNT today), you feel like you are in a straight jacket, and you under a microscope constantly.

Again, every adult pass this stage you are in right now.

I going personal here.
My parents are stll both alive, and when I was still at home, you know the saying "2 man rat cyah live in the same hole" , well that was my mother and I. Both very head strong and confident bout views and mental strength....in other words WWIII

But today I'm aboard and to tell you the truth, I thank God for those WWIII sessions because if it wasn't for her, I won't have been strong or prepared to face the world today.  Now I'm not saying everything  parents say are right, some of them still stuck in the 70s. But if you really listen and understand, is just that they want the best for you, and as parents they have the right to protect you....even if you have man, ya married, ya have kids: they will have the right to protect their youngas.

When they gone, you are considered an ophan....remember that, so take in everything you can when they are here.


I gone 

[Lil Jodie P]

Cana girl...ah feel yuh wen yuh say WWIII! last night i feel if hell cudda ah open up and demons pour out ah de people  who supposed to be meh parents...if wud have! allyuh tings was bad....
i sit dem down to talk...cuz we was talking de night before and it was going well...but they had a social event to go to...so dey cut me short...i still had some tings to say so i try talking to dem....Lord fadda! dat turn into de worst argument we have had in a long time....allyuh to cut a long story short...dey say i was out ah place and rude. i know i was not...but ah had to put meh tail between meh legs cuz meh mom was upset bad...
allyuh i eh know what to do again...ah try all how...i talk to dem...ah reason wit dem...ah scream at dem...i cry...i try everyting! i just cyah deal wit dem making ah set of assumptions and putting it to me like it is fact! and i told dem dat too! last night ah had to get out ah de situation too...so ah spend de night by meh friend Kierz. ah feel by the end ah all of dis ah go need a therapist

[ndookie]

oh lawd....

ah sorry to hear that jodie , i hope you all can get everything to work out..

next time , i suggest you think of what running through their minds..it helps you phrase what you have to say properly..

[dcs]

...but i just fed up of mom waiting up whole night cuz i gone out...and she cyah sleep till i reach home....and i fed up of her freaking out cuz i driving in de night....just little tings like dat...we duz fall out for the little tings like dat....

I hope you not arguing with them over that part.
They have plenty reason to be on edge when you driving at night.  They not the only parents who do and they are totally justified (jus my opinion).  Is up to you to try and accomodate them and be lil co-operative.

And I think doc suggestion is a must if it having war.  If you have an Aunt or Uncle that reasonable (who knows maybe doh have chirren since all parents tend to be unreasonable   ), talk to them.  In addition to maybe talking to your parents they will probably let you know yourself what is realistic and what is not cuz is not only your parents need to compromise it might be you too.

I will throw out an example that not specific to you...just an example
e.g.
If you feel you could just come home 4am on a regular or when you want without them taking issue or wanting to know your EXACT whereabouts that might not be reasonable.  Who knows....spending time with the bf till 2am mightn be reasonable to them either.

So for something like that you doh really have much to go on until they meet that fellah eh and know him good.  Even den it go still be an issue.

Doh cry yuh eyes out too much....dis is good times in yuh life.   

[Lil Jodie P]

allyuh ah fed up...these people take ah whole new slant now...now de want to be quotin de bible for meh...and saying how God say to read dat!  stupes...WTF...ah cyah deal wit dis yuh know...and yuh see how i hot blooded... look i need to cool down yes...

[TriniCana]

Jodie girl look ah ticket
come over to Canada and hang out like clothes with dey Cana

[Lil Jodie P]

Jodie girl look ah ticket
come over to Canada and hang out like clothes with dey Cana

Cana girl ah really wish ah cud do dat yes!
i just need to be far from dem right now

[fishs]

Jodie P :
My big daugther finished "A" levels last year and is now working and doing the ACCA. She is 20.
She has had a boyfriend for the last two years and seems settled with him for the time being.

I get home every other two months for about two weeks at a time and have an excellent relationship with her.
For the past year since A levels she has really started to go out regularly and that has caused her mom no end of worries.
This is what worries her mom and yes even me.
1. The danger in going out at night with the cretin bandits out there.
2. Drunk driving at night, not by her but by others.
3. The danger of driving on your own as a young lady.
4. Unwanted pregnancy.
And some other mother type concerns.

All of the above are either life threatening or life changing.

Apart from that the family is a staunch catholic family and the boy is east indian and very strong in his own faith .

Now I tend to lean on the side of my daughters for issues but I had to put things in perspective for her.

1. At 21 you are an adult and should behave like one , meaning you have a responsibility not just to yourself and friends but also to the family. No hurt to your mother or father.

2. You have just started the real climb in life and the first rungs are the most important. I used myself as an example.... having to work out in the middle of nowhere in sometimes absurd conditions to make a living when if instead of liming and partying life away at her age I should have been doing the important things (study)

3. How can you be truly independant if there is mistrust in what you do now ? Meaning if you show respect and not lie then trust will be built.
Answer truthfully if you have not lied to them recently, they are not stupid.

One thing I must make clear as a parent is that when you feel that they are being unfair and just plain unreasonable, remember that nobody in the world loves you more than your parents, not your boyfriend, not your fiends past or present.

Anyway I realised that this time of life for young ladies is very emotional so I made a contract with my daughter on what she can expect from me and what I expect from her, to which she agreed. I also had a long talk with her mother explaining the terms and rationalising with her that conflict solves nothing in this situation.
So far things have been ok but I expect another crisis is just around the corner to be dealt with.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to always have in the forefront that your parents love you and only you can prove to them that you are worthy of thier trust and respect through you earning it and that takes time.

Hope I did not confuse

[ndookie]

well said fishs...

i hope i doh have a daughter 

[fishs]

well said fishs...

i hope i doh have a daughter 

Ah know yuh only joking . 

The sweetest thing is ah little baby girl.
The most stressfull thing is ah little baby girl. 

[Pasdah Beatz]

Likkle gurl growing up
AWWWWWWWWW
dai so tweet

Lil miss JodieP
Oh gorm yuh bring back memories wid this post. As yuh know ah only ah year and ah couple months older dan yuh but ah enjoy de comforts of being male... eh heh heh heh

Gurl all de advise dem give yuh before me is good advice but u my friend have tuh work out yuh own shit. As most of us can tell yuh we gained ah greater set ah freedom when we start making we own paper and yet even more when we say Mom, Dad ah packing meh shit and leaving.

If yuh parents hitting yuh biblical shiznit
Hit them with
When i was ah chile i acted like a chile, spake like a chile but when i became a man (Adult in your case) i put away those childest things taken somewhere from psalms ah cyar remember

[Pasdah Beatz]

If dat don't work PM meh for more
and if dat don't work.. run away
and if dat don't work run way wid whats his face yuh bf
and if dat don't work.. run way wid me
and if dat don't work.. make ah late nite wuck at Curepe or Woodbrook
and if dat don't work.. buy ah pound ah rope and drink "indian tonic"
and if dat don't work.. ah cyar help yuh

[trinindian]

Pasdah Beatz how you do a 180 so boy in 10 mins. 
Truly a work of contradictions,
telling the girl to drink "indian tonic" (no longer the case by the way),
but your signature says praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

[Pasdah Beatz]

Well as most people at the WN know Pasdah is one loud mouth good fuh !@#$%^ and since he have ah mouth he does use it
 but hey he sincerly loves the Lord

So hence de cointradictions