1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
3:
Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.
10: You may flat late in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax.
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she is officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach and it's delivered by a
topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever! Issue
closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and
the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend
of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while he is
lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing:
e.g. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
the phone! Hang up if necessary!
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail her again before
the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25:
It is acceptable for you to drive her car.
It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End
of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed
below.
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to
ask, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion.
