more advice.... we need to get somethings straight in we mind...
1. Single Adults Are Entitled to Date
Wanting a partner is not a character flaw. It is part of nature's plan for interested, unmarried adults to search for suitable partners. No matter what your age or social circumstance, you don't have to apologize for actively looking for the absolutely best partner for you.
2. You're Entitled to Freedom of Choice
The right to choose--or not to choose--to be with someone must be preserved at all levels of dating. At any point, everyone must be granted the option to say "I don't want to get any closer with you now." Blaming yourself or others for exercising this choice, to which we are all entitled, is a dysfunctional dating attitude which leads to bitter disappointments.
3. Dating Is Not Monogamy
By definition, dating is something you do before making binding choices or exclusive commitments. Logically, this means that dating involves choices (note plural).
In fact, dating is largely about creating and managing choices. You and the other single adults are allowed to date all you want, and as many people as you want, until that mutually binding, exclusive commitment is made. After all, if you don't have options, you do not have a choice. Please note that mutuality is required for this commitment.
4. Substance Is Paramount, Form Insignificant
No amount of cosmetic dating will get the job done any better than a good conversation will. An exchange of personal information, at a gradually deepening level of intimacy, and the sharing of some sort of pleasure are the critical elements of a date. This conversation can take place face to face, in an email, in a private chatroom, on a park bench, or in an elegant restaurant...same effect.
The emphasis on form over substance in dating is one of the things that makes this important social interaction seem like a shallow, trivial game that only rich and beautiful people can play, instead of the useful and sometimes profound social opportunity it should be. Honest to god relating is the only thing that will work.
5. The Only Decision Is Whether to Do It Again
Never try to make a weightier decision than this on any specific date. Dating is for social exploration, opening up to new alternatives, not shutting them down as fast as possible in order to avoid our peculiar postmodern affliction: Choice Anxiety.
Choice Anxiety is an internal impatience to force a relationship decision before the basis of resolution exists. Just because you wish everything was all arranged in your life, that doesn't mean you should foreclose all your options before you really know someone well enough to commit your life to them.
The Bottom Line
If you want to maximize your possibilities for finding the best relationship in your life, keep these radical common sense principles in the forefront of your mind at all times. And...you could actually have some fun!
