A private conversation overheard years ago in a hall of power somewhere ... Sepp: World Cup in the US in 2018? Nah! Never! That would mean I couldn't attend. Vladimir, ah feel dey might hold meh there yuh know. Long time now frigging Sunil moving left with constant criticism of how things are done.
Vladimir: Ah showing yuh that LONG! time. Gih dem Yanks an inch, dey want a mile; dey always talking reform. Come by me instead. Dey fight me on de Winter Olympics in Sochi; but dey was loving de Bird's Ne$t in Beijing.
Vladimir (breaking out into song):
Hypocrites and parasites ... Who the cap fit, let dem ...Sepp: Frauds and counter-revolutionaries.
Sepp: Sing Vladimir, like Jack introduce yuh to Bob Marley? He love him too bad. Always singing Three Little Birds ... telling me doh worry about a ting.
Vladimir: He taught me Marley, I taught him Sting. Jack understands that
Russians love their children too.
Vladimir: Yuh know who really likes to sing? That frigging Chuck. Try to keep him out of this. He came to Moscow one year asking about our tax system, blazing a trail and singing for his supper. The size of him ...
Sepp: De way he does talk, Jack is de right one to speak with a forked tongue with the English and the Australians.
Vladimir (still thinking about Sepp's reference to frauds and counter-revolutionaries): As yuh mention frauds ...Link yuh lieutenant in Trinidad (what we in de Kremlin refer to as Trickydadstan. So much promise there. Those bastards know how to pull a fast one) ...
Link yuh lieutenant and see wha he could arrange to frustrate dem ppl Down Under and in London to pave de way for 2018. Ever since frigging
Litvinenko, Downing Street has been trying to poison de scenes for any initiative we try. One day, they'll piss me off and I'll invade Ukraine!
Sepp: We could learn from them Vladimir, please keep calm and carry on.
Vladimir (half listening): ... and dem Aussies? Dem Aussies jes hadda get in line behind Mother Russia. Who are they anyway? They're jes Brits masquerading as a separate country. Have you seen their flag? Big, big Union Jack on it.
Vladimir (refocusing at the mention of Jack): Yeah, so Jack ...
Sepp: Consider it done. One ting doh ...
Vladimir: What is it? Ah hadda go ... Condoleeza waiting to introduce me to Susan Rice.
Sepp (smiling broadly): You devil you, that's right, say no to racism ...heheh. Anyhow, lehme focus, I am Swiss and neutral.
Sepp: Look, Vladi ... the lieutenant have ah kinda independent, liberal streak. A mind of his own nah. What if things go sideways? If things go sideways, yuh could arrange ah lil asylum?
Vladimir: Failure is not an option. Tell Jack hang on to his passport, the doors of my embassies and consulates are always wide open.
Sepp (speaking French): That's my
putain!Vladimir: Wha yuh say dey??? Show some respect.
Sepp: Sorry, doh geh vex nah. Ah meant, "that's my Putin"!
Sepp (mumbling): Lost in translation ... One for all, and all for me.
Vladimir: Condi ... Sepp, we go link.