LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that
her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation
to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel,
the
brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She
got in the back-seat by mistake."
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FAMILY:
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
night
the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She
starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to
her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
that
forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
both
of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
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"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
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LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown
at
him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll
take
the soup."
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OLD FRIENDS:
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,
their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't
get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I
just
can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember
it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to
know?"
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman,
I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
the 401.
Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of
them!"
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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to
an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
that she
was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure
enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
to the
other woman and said, "Rosie, did you know that we just ran through
three
red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Rosie turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
