SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what
the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
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QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when
you
have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
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CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery
since
it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500
for
"small", $6,500 for "medium", and $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him
to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man
called
his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came
back
into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
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WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
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ELDERLY SEX
One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year
old
husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their
20th
floor "assisted living apartment" . . . killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if
she
had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, "Yes, your Honour. I figured that at 92, if he could
have
sex, he could fly."
