yuh know wat?
based on what i reading, it reaffirms to me that every couple have to create and maintain and evolve dey relationship with each other and determine what works for dem and what does not work. What works for me and Mrs Pecan may not work for another couple.
I think general guideline that include
trust
respect
commitment
listening
form the basis of the relationship.
But from that basis, each couple will have to find out what's best.
For example, Mrs Pecan and I have always had a joint account (from de day we got married back in 1982 to now.)
De house in her name (in case somebody sue meh arse and come after me). But I trust her so I not worrying.
Our RRSP's are more or less equal
Our household, is I suppose, traditional in dat I am the primary income source. But that could have easily been her. We tossed a coin (figuratively) to see who would go to grad school and therefore have a higher earning potential.
I lost, so I went to school while she supported us. Then when I graduated, I worked and she stayed home with de chirren.
When she finally overcame the guilt that she felt about staying home (society had expectations that she should have been working outside the house), she realized that she enjoyed what she did.
This model has worked for us. But it eh go work for everybody.
People state that she is vulnerable because if I were to leave the relationship, she will be in trouble .. having been out of the work force for several years. On the other hand, I would argue that I would probably have to pay substantial alimony and as I said, de house in her name.
So trust is fundamental, but recognizing what is important to the other person and trying to accommodate that is critical.
Back to my simple example of going out with de boys.
If that is truly important to me, i would hope that my spouse would recognize that and accept it. However, if it truly bothered her, I would hope that I would recognize that and I would change. But also knowing that I am willing to change even though it is important to me because I recognized how she felt, she would likewise reciprocate (and so on and so on).
I believe that in a truly balanced relationship, there has to be give and take. Compromise (although my brother once said that in compromise, you have two unhappy people) is essential. Fair compromise, where both people win is essential.
In my example, maybe I will only go with de boys every other week, and do what my spouse wants to do in the alternating weeks.
Finally, I think that nude wrestling in jello is also necessary (but without the web cam). But Mrs Pecan doh agree. So we have agreed to disagree and I only ask about once a year hoping that she will say yes. Maybe she will recognize how important that is for me and she will acquiesce. I can only hope