Trinidad Express
Monday, March 26th 2007
Don't be wrong and strong - say sorryI've noted over some years some things which the UK has managed better than T&T and some things that T&T has managed better than the UK. Though there are more representatives of the different races in the UK relative to T&T, for example, I still feel the average T&T citizen has a better appreciation for racial diversity. Also in general, up to the time I left T&T, folks were more openly warm to each other in public situations, e.g in public transport or at a cricket match where strangers start conversations so easily; in the UK, folks hide behind reading material or headphones. If there was one thing I'd wish the UK could take from T&T it's this genuine warmth.
If there's one thing I wish T&T could take from the UK it's the ability to apologise. I don't think the average T&T person has a problem recognising when they're wrong. It's what we do afterwards: we top the world in our ability to be "wrong-and-strong''. It doesn't matter what social class we belong to. We may think it's more often to be found in, for example, government ministers and other senior public officials, but only because their behaviour is more widely pubicised via the media. Wrong-and-strong attitude is rife in corporate and business settings; it's a root cause for poor customer service. It's also present in family situations; how many domestic violence events would've been prevented if folks just knew how to eat humble pie and say sorry immediately after learning they did wrong?
In the UK, it is surprising how often folks say sorry, and genuinely mean it. For example, when there was a rail crash recently that investigators reported to be caused by poor maintenance practices, the first thing the CEO of the responsible company did was say sorry for the pain and inconvenience caused, both directly to injured persons and families and the general public. In service companies, when you make a complaint the first thing they do after listening to you is to say sorry for the inconvenience caused and then work with you on a proper response plan. I think it is this frequent, not just because of the amount of business competition, but because in the family situations children are taught to say sorry when appropriate and society continues to expect it of adults in general. The rest of society would cry shame on the offending individual if they didn't say sorry.
In contrast, in T&T a public official saying sorry might cause shock because of how rarely it happens. When was the last time a Government Minister said sorry when they were clearly wrong? When a company gives poor service, they use cold phrases like "it is regretted'' and then proceed to re-state their policy even though the policy may be wrong or wrongly applied; at other times it's just silence or, worse, open hostility. Recently, we had a parent jailed because he chose to hit a teacher for disciplining his child instead of confirming the facts and supporting the need for discipline.
(I just hope in a few years time that father doesn't have to cry outside a courtroom because their child was charged for a crime since they effectively learned how to be wrong-and-strong).
Perhaps we need to develop more positive ways of handling shame that doesn't lead to wrong-and-strong behaviour. It doesn't need to start from public officials; start at the family level and then demand apologies when folks do wrong.
Edmund Nigel Gall
London