See Nen Nen Late Breaking News
By Queen Macoomeh
It was reported today, the United States has captured four
Caribbean people suspected of plotting terrorist acts against the US.
Four old men were arrested and charged with the heinous crimes. The men
hail from Guyana and Trinidad but since no one knew which island was
Guyana, the FBI concluded it must be part of Trinidad.
After careful investigation, the US authorities revealed that
Trinidad was the new Axis of Bacchanal. US President Dasheen Bush
authorized fifty thousand troops to begin a load of Strategic Halt In
Terrorism campaign against Trinidad but on discovery of the actual size
of the twin island country, forty-nine thousand troops were forced to
wait in Barbados, Grenada, Martinique, St. Kitts, St, Vincent, Antigua,
St. Lucia, Dominica and Jamaica while the first thousand landed in
Trinidad.
It became apparent to the US troops immediately upon arrival
that Trinidad and Tobago was indeed expecting an invasion. The troops
arrived on what is called "J'ouvert Morning" - a fundamentalist
movement on the island. Streets were empty and all focus was on the two
areas of worship - Port of Spain and San Fernando. At Piarco - the
island's only airport, there was a lengthy delay due to the fact that
the entire personnel was in the staffroom viewing something called
'Parade of Bands". Later, the troops were asked to wait on the tarmac
while a rather disgruntled customs officer spoke at length to another
customs officer about a covert plot called
"mehwifehorningmewidamannamesooklal".
On the local television channel a group calling themselves
"Tribe" waved vicious and obviously religiously motivated banners in
plain view of foreign television cameras. Several women were seen to
remove their masks and other clothing. Only the faces were carefully
photographed by our imbedded See Nen Nen reporters, to be matched
against known dissident profiles.
Top CIA officials have confirmed these banners are part of the
terrorist underground language in Trinidad. In fact, most of the natives
of this South American island speak a version of Arabic predicated on
the word "eh". When asked to comment on the grievous situation facing
the country, most interviewed replied "eh".
Steeped resistance was met in various parts of the capital of
Port of Spain. Once troops were able to navigate a treacherous land pass
called Lady Young Road, they were met by a riotous band of rebels
calling themselves "Island People" - a known group of dissidents. US
troops were unable to subdue this elite group of highly trained militia.
The troops were sprayed with a toxic liquid locally made called
"babash". It caused disorientation and almost an entire regiment was
infected. Another unfamiliar weapon was called "wine" but not the
alcohol kind. This was a particularly devious weapon favoured by the
female militia and was wrought on each of the US troops by two females
at once while the male militia shouted - and I quote - "YOU GO KILL DE
MAN WID DAT WINE!" - obviously more death code.
Other of the US troops stumbled upon what seems to be the
noocoola region behind the unrest in this previously unknown island. It
has come to this reporter's attention that troops arrived in an area
called La Vanty. Several troops were lost in La Vanty. Troops would head
into the alleys and hilly streets and not return. It is assumed they
have been captured by the La Vantians. Frightening shouts of "PLATOW! AH
KETCH ONE!" could be heard intermittently throughout the blood thirsty
area. More troops were lost in a maze known as Diamond Vale. No bodies
have yet been recovered. Other troops were captured. A group calling
themselves 'Borokeets" have taken responsibility.
The insurgents there are a force to be reckoned with. One such
trained sniper was overheard reporting to his superiors on the Digicell
military based cellphone that he had "Flimmed de whole ting!" Our expert
sources at the CIA revealed that 'flimming' is a highly developed form
of warfare taught at terrorist training camps all over Trinidad. It was
deduced 'ting' is similar to 'ent' and are both noun and verb and
possibly diphthong.
Other Weapons of Mas Destruction were found scattered around the
island after two days of intense fighting ended on Ash Wednesday.
President Dasheen Bush has issued a stern warning to the Prime
Minister of Trinidad and Tobago that further resistance will not be
tolerated. The Prime Minister was unavailable for comment. Sources say
he was last seen shopping in Flatbush, New York.
The US also revealed that an undercover agent named Akon had been planted
in Trinidad several weeks prior and infiltrated a hideout
called Zen. There, Agent Akon was able to thoroughly examine the youth
movement of terrorism closely. His findings are documented in the
SorryMyArse Report. This hideout was also the scene at which
fundamentalist leader LookAbu Bu Dey Montano was caught on tape training
other youths in the art of "Jumbie". One such training session ended in
serious injury to a cadet. Montano has taken his training techniques to
Toronto and New York where terrorist cells are said to exist. It is
reported a large meeting will be held in Toronto under the code name
Caribanana.
It is not known at present how long it will take the US to get
to the bottom of this serious upheaval. The four men arrested are
awaiting sentencing after their Milo and nap. Investigators had been
following these men for several months. Informants were planted at many
of their meetings, cleverly disguised as "All Fours Night", apparently
another code developed by these masterminds.
On the night of their arrest they were found with all the
supplies for a terrorist attack - english potato, corn, ground
provisions, saltmeat and coconut milk. They defiantly claimed this to be
a fatal concoction known as 'pelau'.
We will keep you posted as things develop in Trinidad. The
entire Caribbean region is at risk of being invaded if things are not
settled there. US Secretary of State Peas N Rice has agreed to meet with
a contingent of ambassadors from the island led by Trinidad's Protocol
Minister Destra Garcia and Minister of Titular Affairs, Denise Belfon.
We will have that outcome for you as soon as the meetings are
concluded.
This is Queen Macoomeh for See Nen Nen News
