March 28, 2024, 01:35:54 PM

Author Topic: If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....  (Read 775 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

truetrini

  • Guest
If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
« on: December 23, 2008, 12:14:55 AM »
If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

 

            Deer Santa,
            I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
            Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can  learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
            Santa

            *****************************************************
Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
           
Love, Sarah

            Dear Sarah,
            Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
            Santa

            ****************************************************
            Dear Santa,
            I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
            and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
            Love,
            Teddy

            Dear Teddy,
            Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
            Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? 
            It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
            Santa

            ****************************************************
            Dear Santa,
            I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
            kit, a pony and a tuba.
            Love, Francis

            Dear Francis,
            Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up
            with a Barbie.
            Santa

            ****************************************************
            Dear Santa,
            I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
            reindeer outside the back door.
            Love, Susan

            Dear Susan,
            Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want
            to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
            Sant a
            ****************************************************
            Dear Santa,
            What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
            Your friend, Thomas

            Dear Thomas,
            All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most
            of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses
            of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
            Santa
            ****************************************************
            Dear Santa,
            Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like
            in the song?
            Love, Jessica

            Dear Jessica,
            Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
            your house.
            Santa

            ****************************************************
            Dear Santa,
            I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
            PLEASE could I have one?
            Love, Timmy

            Dear Timmy,
            That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
            work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
            Santa

            ****************************************************
            Dearest Santa,
            We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
            Love,
            Marky

            Dear Mark,
            First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you
            don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
            the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
            Sweet dreams,

Offline capodetutticapi

  • Hero Warrior
  • *****
  • Posts: 10942
  • veni vidi vici
    • View Profile
Re: If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2008, 10:31:03 AM »
de last one is de shit.
soon ah go b ah lean mean bulling machine.

 

1]; } ?>