Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.
President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President Bush " a heavily accented voice
said. "This is Archie,
up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove ,
Newfoundland , Canada ,
eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially
declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," George replied, "This is
indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments
calculation "there is myself,
me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the
whole dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one
million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta
call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr.
Bush , the war is
still on!
We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" George
asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and
Harry's farm tractor."
President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I
have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've
increased my army to
one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lard t'underin' b'y", said Archie,
"I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day..
"President Bush , the war
is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We
up an'
modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of
shotguns in the cockpit,
and four b'ys from the Legion have joined us as
well!"
George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you
Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO
MILLION!"
"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta
call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "
President Bush ! I am
sorry to have to tell you dat we're callin' off dis
'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said George .
"Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat
ourselves down and had a long
chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat
dere's no way we can
feed two million prisoners."
