US NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM.
Reductions and budget cuts force the US Navy to cull
their numbers of active duty personnel.Thru attrition
and other programs,younger sailors will be relied upon
to carry on the work of defending the nation.
Phase 1. will come to be known as S.L.A.P. (SAILORS LATE-AGED PROGRAM.)
and allows sailors the opportunity to search for civilian jobs.
Phase 2. tagged as S.C.R.E.W. (SURVEY of CAPABILITIES of RETIRED EARLY WORKERS.)
it is to facilitate a review of records before retirement takes place.
SLAPPED or SCREWED sailors may appeal thru their chain of command.
Phase 3. is called S.H.A.F.T. (STUDY by HIGHER AUTHORITY FOLLOWING TERMINATION.)
to track and evaluate sailors.
Under the terms of two other new policies,a sailor may be SLAPPED ONCE,
SCREWED TWICE,or may be SHAFTED as MANY TIMES as the Navy deems appropriate.
If a sailor follows the above procedures,he/she will be entitled to
H.E.R.P.E.S. (HALF EARNINGS for RETIRD PERSONNEL'S EARLY SEVERANCE) OR
C.L.A.P. (COMBINED LUMP-SUM ASSISTANCE PAYMENT) unless he/she already has
A.I.D.S. (ADDITIONAL INCOME from DEPENDANTS or SOPUSES).
As HRERPES and CLAP are considered Benefit Plans,any sailor who has received
HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Navy,who wishes to
assure young sailors who remain onboard that the Navy will continue it's policy
of training sailors thru it's (S.H.?.T.) SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING.The Navy
takes pride in the amount of SH?T it's sailors receive and is adept at making
sure it's retirees receive all the SH?T they can CHEW.
