Dwight Yorke's Autobiography: 'Losing My Virginity'
oleole.com
Back when I was a teenager at school in Trinidad, I couldn’t get a woman for love nor money. I remember this one girl in my year, Shayla, she was so fine. I hadn’t yet lost my virginity and I decided that she was the one, so I asked her to go to the prom with me in front of the whole class. She went quiet, as did the whole room, and after about six long seconds she shook her head. When I asked why, she gestured toward my teeth. I wasn’t sure that she was gesturing toward my teeth, as her gesture was quite vague and could have been aimed at any part of my face, so I asked her to clarify with language, and she said ‘It’s because you a goofy motherf**ker’. The whole class burst out laughing. I didn’t wanna be out of the joke so I laughed along with them as hard as I could but, in truth, I was hurt.
She ended up going to the prom with my mate, Lyndell, and I ended up going with this girl, Larrisa, who was fatter than the sun, but her two front teeth put Bugs to shame and it took the spotlight off me for the night, for which I was very grateful. I was very drunk, too, and I don’t know if it was the drink, or the gratefulness, or the fact I hadn’t stopped staring at Shayla all night – probably a mix of all three - but I ended up losing my virginity to Larrisa that night. I almost lost myself in there too, but it was fun while it lasted.
Once it was over, however, and I had sobered up a bit, I saw the situation for what it was, and I broke down in tears. Here I was, fifteen years old, having failed all my exams, with no prospects, battling for bed space with a girl that could’ve knawed down and digested half the Amazon in the time it took me to tie up my shoelaces - it was all too much to take, and so I reached for the razors.
But just as I was about to end it all, there was a knock at the door, and my life changed forever. The door creaked open and in walked Graham Taylor, then manager of Aston Villa, soon to become manager of England.
Villa had been on a pre-season tour of the West Indies and he had seen me play earlier in the week for my school. ‘Dwight,’ he said ‘I have seen you play. I like you. I have come for you’. He handed me a contract to sign. I couldn’t believe my luck. I signed immediately. I turned to Larrisa and watched as her snorring sent intermittent tides of ripples down her massive, satisfied body. I imagined her, twenty years off in the future, telling all who would care to listen that she was the first to receive the full plunge of Dwight Yorke, and I felt happy for her.
Just as we were about to leave the room, Graham paused and asked me if he could have a go. It had been a long tour, he said, and he was missing his wife. I told him that it would be a bit rude to not ask her for permission first, and he wholeheartedly agreed. He was, first and foremost, a gentleman.
And the rest, as they say, is history. I’ve never told him that he saved my life, so, if you’re reading this Graham, I’d just like to say: Thank you.
