Infidelity...caught in the act
Cherisse Moe
Published: 7 Dec 2009
Cherisse Moe
Infidelity. If this topic seems overdone, it’s only because it never looses it’s relevance. In fact, it’s been very much in the news this past week, due to the alleged indiscretions of top American golfer Tiger Woods. So, why is infidelity, aka “horning,” such a hot topic? Because it seems that some men and women are allergic to having one partner, staying faithful to that partner and keeping their hands, lips and other body parts to themselves. Relationship experts in the US assert that half of all marriages in that country end in divorce. The common thread is infidelity.
Also known as cheating, infidelity has become the norm, rather than the exception in today’s society. Infidelity does not discriminate. It can rear its ugly head at anytime. Anyone can be a victim. The cheater can carry on the affair for months and even years. Experts say in many cases, infidelity never gets discovered. But what happens when the player gets caught? The following stories about infidelity are real. The names have been changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty too.
A technological glitch
This is Jason’s story.
“My girlfriend and I were working in different parts of the world and decided to communicate by Skype phone, using a webcam. One night I spoke with her, then we said good night and hung up. I had a friend over that night. The following morning, me and the friend had sex. Ten minutes after I was done, I got a text message telling me that I was the worst thing ever and that we were over. I didn’t understand what was happening until I walked over to the computer and saw that it said “current Skype call, 8 hours 30, minutes, 15 seconds...16...etc.” I’d left the webcam on all night. She’d witnessed my entire indiscretion.”
The gender problem
Helen’s experience is sure to raise some eyebrows!
“My husband and I had been together for two years. We were really close. One Thursday afternoon last year, however, he showed his true colours. I wasn’t feeling well that day and left work early. When I got there, his car was parked in the driveway. I was shocked, to say the least, because when we spoke earlier he said he would be at the office very late, as he had stuff to finish up.
As I opened the door, I heard moaning coming from the bedroom. I pressed my ear to the door and heard someone call out his name—but the voice sounded like a man! I banged open the door and there he was... having sex...with a man! I froze. The three of us stared at one another for what seemed for like an eternity. He later apologised and confessed that he was only experimenting. We’re still together but we’re doing counselling. I’ve never gotten over it.”
Psychologist—People can die of a broken heart
Local psychologist Dr Dorrell Philip says one of the most important issues with infidelity is what it does to the victim. These victims, who she says are mostly women, remain tight-lipped about the situation in an attempt to avoid embarrassment. “Some woman put up the face that everything is ok. Our society does not allow you to ‘bawl’ or lash out and say ‘what you did to me is not acceptable.’ So everything is bottled in. In my business, I hear a lot of it.”
Dr Philip asserts that many women who fall prey to infidelity develop illnesses because of the grief and hurt they experience. “In the last two years I’ve been looking at it. A lot of physical ailments are linked to a sense of anger, rejection and betrayal.” She adds, “They say men can’t take horn; what about women? I truly believe that a woman can die of broken heart.” Dr Philip says women who willingly go after another woman’s man must also shoulder the blame. “Women must take responsibility for their actions. My mother used to say, ‘don’t ever make another woman cry.’”
Facts
Given the secretive nature of infidelity, exact statistics on the issue are nearly impossible to establish. These are some of the most well-supported facts about cheating in the US.
• Thirty to 60 per cent of all individuals will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.
• Two to three per cent of all children are the product of infidelity. Most are unknowingly raised by men who aren't their biological fathers.
• Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more independent, they're acting more like men with respect to infidelity.
