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Author Topic: Why can't I own a Canadian?  (Read 1403 times)

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Offline pecan

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Why can't I own a Canadian?
« on: July 21, 2010, 08:40:40 PM »
Found this on a Facebook Page LOL

Why can't I own a Canadian?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 2:27pm
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

truetrini

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2010, 10:16:24 PM »
That is why I am turning Muslim...........

Offline Organic

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2010, 07:15:31 AM »
hahaha...
but who in they right mind would want to own a canadian...better a mexican or 2 no??? you could fit at least 10 ah dem in a one room house. dem canadians will complain about personal space :-\

even worse yet..what would i do with pecan and jumbie...sigh...
send me whore-hay!!! :beermug:
Perhaps the epitome of a Trinidadian is the child in the third row class with a dark skin and crinkly plaits who looks at you out of decidedly Chinese eyes and announces herself as Jacqueline Maharaj.- Merle Hodge

Offline pecan

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2010, 07:29:43 AM »
did some digging to see if this incident was a hoax.

Looks like the letter has been circulating since before 2000.  Nevertheless it still illustrates the risks with trying to taking the Bible literally.



An Open Letter to Dr. Laura

[Yurica Report Editor's Note: May 5, 2009. According to an article signed by Barbara Mikkelson, dated September 5, 2007, this now famous "letter" was attributed to James M. Kauffman, Professor Emeritus, University of Virginia, in error. We apologise for mistakenly perpetuating this error. However, we have not been able to verify the authorship. In 2003, Jane Kansas, a reporter of the Halifax Daily News presented the piece in her column as her own and was subsequently fired. J. Kent Ashcraft or Kent Ashcraft claims that he is the author with several others who assisted him on a portion. Nevertheless, by May of 2000 the letter made its way into a number of newspapers, including the Knoxville News-Sentinel and the Seattle Weekly. Regardless of the authorship, however, and as Mikkelson points out, the letter reveals a startling logical flaw in the "homosexuality is wrong" debate that relies on biblical law. For, as Mikkelson stated it, "If homosexuality is wrong because it goes against God's law as outlined in the Bible, why aren't any number of activities now viewed as innocuous but once regarded as unacceptable also offenses against God's law?" This is a powerful argument for Christians, Jews and non-believers. In the hope of assisting our readers, we have inserted the King James Version (KJV) of the verses for your convenience with links.]


http://www.yuricareport.com/Parody%20and%20Humor/OpenLetterToDrLaura.html
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Offline Jumbie

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2010, 09:14:01 AM »
I liking the part about the sabbath. Dem aholes rong here does want to play dem is Mr and Mrs DIY on Sunday when I trying to relax in my backyard tending my herb box. Dey setting a bad example for all the men in the area.. all I need is for "ms lady" to see them and start expecting me to follow suit.


Offline pecan

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2010, 09:22:21 AM »
I liking the part about the sabbath. Dem aholes rong here does want to play dem is Mr and Mrs DIY on Sunday when I trying to relax in my backyard tending my herb box. Dey setting a bad example for all the men in the area.. all I need is for "ms lady" to see them and start expecting me to follow suit.



not if the Hoe own you.  He go put you to work.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Offline Queen Macoomeh

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2010, 03:03:42 PM »
LOL..love sarcasm and tongue-in-check humour!
And to think...this 'joke' will be as pertinent over the next several (hundred) centuries or until some religious fanatic blows us up.

Offline Bakes

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2010, 07:53:00 PM »
I personally eh have no use fuh Canadians...

-they too sorf fuh hard labor

-they doh like tuh fight

-they constantly complaining

-kill dem dead they know what summer is

-everybody throwing salt on ice fuh traction, dem trying tuh skate arung on it

-who de hell like hockey anyways?  Bunch ah grown men beating each other senseless... stopping every now and den tuh do some figure skating wid each other.

-they can't even self decide if they English or francophone

- Vancouver literally one bush fire away from 'Up In Smoke de Sequel'

- doh even talk about de inferiority 'second-class-North Americans' complex thing.


I doh even want ah Mayheecan... unless she look like Salma Hayek.  Maybe we could trade two Messicans and ah Canadian fuh ah Brazilian?


Offline ribbit

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2010, 07:57:44 AM »
buying human like property come natural to de american

Offline pecan

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Re: Why can't I own a Canadian?
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2010, 12:55:05 PM »
buying human like property come natural to de american

but they could keep Conrad Black.  I eh know why de release him on bail.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.