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Author Topic: A Guyanese Letter  (Read 6619 times)

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Offline Flex

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A Guyanese Letter
« on: January 24, 2011, 06:20:47 AM »
Guyanese Letter

Dear Beta

Jus a few lines to leh yuh know dat ah still alive. Ah writing slow cause ah know yuh cyah read fast.

Yuh wont know de house when yuh come home. We move. Ah wont be able to sen yuh de new address as de last Guyanese family dat live here tek de house numbers wid dem so they wont have to change deh address at dey new house.
About yuh fadda.....he gat ah lovely job. He gat now over 1500 men under he. He cuttin grass at de cemetery.
Dere was a washin machine in de new house when we move in, but it aint wokin too good. Last week ah put some shirts in it, pull de chain, and ah aint see de shirts since.
Yuh sister, Parbattie had a baby dis marning. Ah aint find out wedda is a boy or a girl, so ah doh know if yuh is ah aunt or ah uncle.
Yuh know Bharose? Well he drown last week in ah vat at de rum distillery. Some ah he fellow workers dive in to save he, but he fight dem off bravely. He family cremate he body, and it tek three days to put out de fire.
Yuh fadda didnt have much tuh drink fuh Christmas. Ah put ah bottle ah castor oil in he soup.... It keep he goin until New Years.

Ah went to de dacta on Tursday and yuh fadda came wit meh . De dacta put a small tube in meh mouth an tell meh tuh nat open for 10 minutes. Yuh fadda offer to buy it from he.
It only rain twice last week. Fus for four days, and then for three days. Monday it was so windy dat de fowl cock fly roun de house fuh ah half hour and ah hen lay de same egg 3 times.
Ah go write yuh again as soon as ah cud sneak ah next page outta Vindra copy book.

Love - Mammy

PS: Ah was to send yuh ah twenty dalla but ah already seal de envelope.
The real measure of a man's character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.

Offline Boodsy

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2011, 09:41:57 AM »
 :rotfl:
nice one  :beermug:

Offline ZANDOLIE

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2011, 12:35:50 PM »
Yuh know Bharose? Well he drown last week in ah vat at de rum distillery. Some ah he fellow workers dive in to save he, but he fight dem off bravely. He family cremate he body, and it tek three days to put out de fire.
 :rotfl:
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truetrini

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2011, 11:44:10 PM »
PS: Ah was to send yuh ah twenty dalla but ah already seal de envelope.

Offline che

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2011, 09:41:33 AM »
 :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Offline Observer

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2011, 01:19:14 PM »
 :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Oh Shit dat funny!
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead
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Offline Jah Gol

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2011, 07:43:41 AM »
Funniest thing I've seen for the year. Some Guyanese guys was doing some construction on the house and I took the time and wax idiotic with them. Entertaining stuff, but I din know Guyana had that level of shit talk.

This one stay with me.  :rotfl: :rotfl:
Yuh sister, Parbattie had a baby dis marning. Ah aint find out wedda is a boy or a girl, so ah doh know if yuh is ah aunt or ah uncle.

Offline Bakes

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2011, 01:01:58 PM »
Yuh know Bharose? Well he drown last week in ah vat at de rum distillery. Some ah he fellow workers dive in to save he, but he fight dem off bravely. He family cremate he body, and it tek three days to put out de fire.
 :rotfl:

This is de one do it fuh me... I nearly fall orf my chair when I read dis last week.  I laff 'til mih belly hurt  :rotfl:

Offline che

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2011, 09:15:12 AM »
This is about the 100th time ah come back to read this.  :rotfl:

Somebody should post this on CC forum.

Offline pecan

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #9 on: February 01, 2011, 03:23:12 PM »
this type of joke older than me .. and I ole.

Here is one version

A newfie mother's letter to her son
   

Deer Son,

I am writing this slow because I know you can't read too fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your Dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within twenty mile of home, so we moved. I can't send you the address as the last Newfie family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

It rained only twice last week - three days the first time and four days the second.

About the coat you wanted me to send you. Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home and it said that if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, up she comes.

About your sister - she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he bravely fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in their pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out - he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open.

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you had grown another foot since she last saw you, so she has to knit another one.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,
Mom
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Offline pecan

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2011, 03:25:12 PM »
here is the Irish version



Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the under-taker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Your loving Mum

P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Offline saga pinto

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2011, 07:15:18 AM »
Love this!!!

Offline chinee boi

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2011, 07:48:52 AM »
 :rotfl: :rotfl:

Offline Star Child

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2011, 05:01:38 AM »
Flex !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....

 :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Offline Jack Horner

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2011, 05:54:51 PM »
 :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Mr Flex, this was special...
Jack Warner will rise again and the world will beg him him to return and he will say "NO".............

Offline Jack Horner

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Re: A Guyanese Letter
« Reply #15 on: June 22, 2011, 10:35:22 AM »
Flex, good stuff man.

Best joke on this side.
Jack Warner will rise again and the world will beg him him to return and he will say "NO".............