An Unsporting Conversation with the Spalk Minister
By Filbert Street (Wired868.com)It is Monday morning in the Office of The Minister of Sport. The telephone rings.
“Good morning. The Minister of Sport speaking.”
“Ah, Minister, it’s Tony here.”
“Tony, Tony, I’m so glad you called. I wanted to speak to you about your funding.”
“I’m very pleased to hear that, Minister. I was becoming concerned”
“Yes, I heard you on that show on the weekend, The Brainless One. Tony, you have to understand that this government is determined to improve efficiency. We must streamline procedures.
Gone are the days when you can walk into a minister’s office and collect a cheque. Since the new Minister of Finance took over from Winston on Friday night we have procedures, oversight, checks and balances and accountability.”
“Yes, Minister, I understand that. But I have provided full receipts for everything.”
“I know that, Tony, that’s how you have always done it. It’s the reason why I’m happy to approve everything, all $4.5 million.”
“That’s great news, Minister. When can I collect the cheque?”
“Just now, Tony, not so fast. I told you things have changed. You have to send in your claim to the correct department.”
“What do you mean, Minister? I’ve already sent it to you.”
“Tony, you’ve sent me a claim for transportation, yes?”
“Yes, Minister. We have to collect the players from across the country every day.”
“Right. Well, according to the new guidelines, that claim has to go to the Ministry of Transport.”
“Whaaaaaaat?”
“Aye, that is my line. Anyway, there’s no mistake, Tony. I can only fund actual sport. Which is why I can approve your catering claim but I can’t actually pay you the money.”
“Well, who do I send the claim to?”
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