De Mighty Kevin sings
By Kevin Baldeosingh
Story Created: Jan 31, 2013 at 10:00 PM ECT
(
Story Updated: Feb 1, 2013 at 6:36 AM ECT )
Once again, it is time for my almost-annual calypso. But this year I have a problem. You see, my custom is to write a calypso which deals with a topic the real calypsonians won't sing, using actual rhymes, and as well as words they can't understand. From 2000 to 2010, this was easy, since the PNM was in power and only a couple of calypsonians were criticising the government or using words of more than two syllables.
Now, however, the People's Partnership is in office, so pretty much every calypsonian will be singing songs that badtalk the Government, although still with bad rhymes. That isn't my problem, though. My problem is that commentary calypso earns just a few thousands of dollars at best, whereas soca gets millions. And I would like to be a millionaire, if only so I could pay for full-page ads every week to badtalk herbalists, religious fundamentalists, and curry tofu.
So, this year, in order to distinguish myself from the real calypsonians and have a shot at getting real money, I am writing a soca tune which praises the People's Partnership administration. And, if anyone feels I've sold out, it's only because they are Machel Montano.
Paean for the PP
Lyrics by KB, © 2013
This year I come to praise the
PP
Not to bury it;
I here to raise the PP
From its hairy pit.
CHORUS: So if you like PP
Open your mouth
If you love PP
Doh spit it out.
PP is the best
(Bend over, bend over)
PP pass de test
(Spend over, spend over)
If you want to get big wuk
You have to like PP
This eh no joke,
Just look at Reshmi.
If you want big house
Grow pumpkin and bhaji
Doh try selling souse,
Just sell the PP.
You will get big contract
If you take PP,
You could get your back scratch
If you scratch back de PP.
CHORUS: Everybody in de
party
Build house, buy ah car,
To raise up de PP
Require plenty Viagra.
Embrace the PP
If things hard
Put up de tepee
And get on bad bad bad!
Kamla lead the PP,
Men do what she say;
They all stand behind she
So they could get pay.
Kamla is de queen,
She have PP control,
She de best PM ever seen:
So say Sugar Aloes.
PP keep Kamla smiling,
She riding helicopter;
Governance by liming,
Who could ever top her?
CHORUS: So if you like PP
Open your mouth,
Drive with de PP
Like a maxi tout.
Wine on PP all day,
Juk it up, juk it up,
Get pay to dingolay
For no wuk it up, no wuk it up.
You could fight crime with PP,
Just declare ah Emergency.
Lock up black men only
Plus a 14-year-old granny.
Tim get pedagogy
Because he is ah PP,
Anil get Sport Ministry
By sharing de PP.
Now Jack in charge of security
To stop thievery,
Except in de Treasury,
Is PP crime policy.
CHORUS: So if you believe in
PP
Spread de word to all
Preach like Pastor Cuffie
How Kamla stand tall.
Pray every day for PP
And you will get plenty,
If you want more PP
Just make your wallet empty.
Get in your section 34,
Volney have no PP,
Wine like a dirty whore,
And blame de DPP.
Anand like PP
So PP like he
As non-criminal AG
While Volney gone Crazy.
Get in your Section 34,
One fool fool everybody,
No such thing as worthy poor
Ish and Steve PP on we we.
CHORUS: So if you like PP
Open your mouth.
If you swallow PP
Doh spit it out.
Wave de PP
(Oil it, oil it)
Hold de PP
(In de toilet, toilet)
A nation that take PP
Will prosper and grow,
PP make everybody happy
From head to bottom to toe.
Larry tell we how or why
To allocate ah Budget,
Ten million was he bligh
To keep the country in deficit.
CHORUS: So if you like PP
Just shout it out.
If you love it deeply
Spout it out.
Woman like PP
(De PP stand strong)
Some men like PP
(PP can do no wrong).
If you good with PP,
You could get Integrity
To excuse Vidwatie,
With no legality.
You would get Equal Opportunity
To badtalk Hilton Sandy,
To analyse politically
With a PP PhD.
You could make up CV
For de coup enquiry,
All you need for degree
Is a friend with PP.
CHORUS: So if you like PP
Open your mouth,
If you swallow PP
Doh spit it out.
Eat ah food, eat ah food!
PP does feed you good.
Get on rude, get on rude!
PP give we good wood.
