May 23, 2024, 07:58:07 PM

Author Topic: California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage  (Read 1532 times)

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Offline weary1969

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San Francisco, CA ó On Monday history was made at the Chapel of Our Lady at the Presidio in San Francisco as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage took place.

Local resident 35-year-old Paul Horner was the groom during the ceremony. Joining him was his faithful dog Mac who is 36-years-old in dog years. Mac also decided to be the groom but ended up wearing a white veil at the last moment.

Father McHale who officiated the outdoor wedding told reporters he was extremely happy to be a part of this joyous moment of life. ďThis is the definition of true love my friends. There is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and his faithful dog,Ē McHale said. ďNow, since it is recognized as a legally binding marriage in the state of California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all the same tax benefits and everything else coming to them that a regular married couple would receive. Itís a fantastic day to be alive!Ē

So how could this have happened?
In the book of Californiaís State Laws and Regulations there is a little known law that was passed as the state was first forming in 1850. According to article 155, paragraph 10, it clearly states:

If a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get married, if ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact same rights to marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to happen!
In attendance was Hornerís entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the event. Mac had her puppies on hand and making a special celebrity appearance was Alex from Strohís and Spuds Mckenzie.

ďI just love my Mac so much, I canít wait till we can finally get back to the honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is legal. Gosh, get with the times California! We can marry here just fine, but love making is a big no-no,Ē said Horner. ďPeople keep asking me why I wanted to marry a dog. I told them I just want the same god given rights that every person in California is allowed to have. Donít tell me I canít marry my dog. I donít tell you that you canít marry a 500 lb woman with gas issues. Thatís your decision. Donít tread on me. I love my dog and I know he loves me a hundred times more than any gay wedding out there.Ē

With this wedding between a man and a male dog now on the books, one can only ask what is in store next?

A man marrying a toaster? A toaster marrying a dog? A toaster marrying a toaster?

America, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Tsk. Tsk.

Today you're the dog, tomorrow you're the hydrant - so be good to others - it comes back!"

Offline FF

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Re: California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2014, 09:37:17 AM »
FYI this article is meant to be satire, if anyone takes it any other way

Offline Tiresais

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Re: California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2014, 09:51:25 AM »
But if you want some real-life creepiness, check wikipedia;

obviously they're not real marriages in the sense of recognised by law...


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