Topics

241

Jokes / Women, they will never learn

« on: November 03, 2005, 05:48:09 AM »

A woman was out golfing at Moka one day when she hit the ball into the
bush.
She went to look for it and found an agouti in a trap.
The agouti said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you
three wishes."
The woman freed the agouti, and the agouti said, "Thank you, but I
failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes: "whatever you wish

for, your husband will get times ten more."

The woman said, "That's okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be
the
most beautiful woman in the world. The agouti warned her, "You do
realize
that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the
world, a Chippendale-looking man who will make women pant."
The woman replied, "That's fine, because I will be the most beautiful
woman
and he will have eyes only for me." So, BAPS! she's the most beautiful
woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The
agouti said,"That will make your husband the richest man in the world
and
he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his
is
mine." So, BAPS! she's the richest woman in the world.
The agouti then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like
a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are very clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers!: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here
and continue feeling good for the rest of the day.

Attention male readers only!: Please scroll down.









































The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
The real moral of the story: Let Women
continue to think they can always outsmart Men, and just enjoy the show!

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it only goes to show
that you women never listen!

242

Football / Jack praises Bahrain stadium

« on: November 01, 2005, 07:10:27 AM »

Trinidad praise Bahrain stadium 
 
 
 
By VIJAY MRUTHYUNJAYA and RAMI HULAYYEL


FIFA vice-president and special advisor to the Trinidad and Tobago Football Federation Jack Warner gave full marks to Bahrain following a two-day visit ahead of the 2006 World Cup playoffs on November 12 and 16.

"The hospitality on our arrival in Bahrain was spellbound. We were met by their top officials and whisked away in two separate Mercedes Benz to the VIP Lounge," said Warner who was in Bahrain last week to inspect the ground and hotel facilities ahead of the do-or-die playoffs.

"The training fields are right next to the match venue and are excellent. The grass used on the practice field and the stadium is similar to the ones in Trinidad," Warner was quoted saying on the web site of a Caribbean newspaper yesterday.

During his stay, Warner also made hotel bookings for the team and its supporters.

The team, according to Warner, will be staying at the Crowne Plaza Hotel for the second-leg of the playoff on November 16.

The first-leg will be played at the Hasely Crawford Stadium in Port-of-Spain on November 12 starting at 1.30am Bahrain time (6.30pm local time).

"Bahrain is the financial centre in that part of the world and will be hosting a big convention around the same time of the return match on November 16, so had we arrived there later than scheduled we may have found ourselves in some problems in getting hotel space," added Warner.

Warner did not stay back to wintess Bahrain's friendly clash against Panama.

Strength

"Bahrain was not in full strength and even Panama was missing most of its key players, so I did not stay back," said Warner.

"The 5-0 result does not surprise us, in fact we expected more.'

Bahrain will be staying at the Trinidad Hilton and will train at the Larry Gomes Stadium, Malabar, two days before the match at 6.30pm (Bahrain time 1.30am) on each day.

Bahrain coach Luka Peruzovic is waiting for the 11 professionals playing in Kuwait and Qatar to join the team for training.

"We are not sure when the professionals will be joing the team. We will decide our travel arrangements once we have more information," said team manager Abdulrazzaq Mohammed.

"But the rest of the team are continuing training."

His Majest King Hamad, meanwhile, has earmarked an 'open budget' for the team while a private jet has been arranged to fly the team back home after the first-leg in Port-of-Spain on November 12.

Biggest prizes and other incenstives have also been lined-up for the team in case they book a berth for the 2006 World Cup.

Hundred air tickets will be given away to Bahraini students studying in the US to travel to Trinidad and support the national team.


Check Bahrain have to train in Arima from 6.30pm. Dah's wickedness 
Ah wonder if dey getting ah bus route pass. 
 
   

243

Football / After Nov 16th. De final dig

« on: November 01, 2005, 06:02:11 AM »

Will intelligence and good football talk return. Amen

Ah know some still remain. Mih good friends Alsalman and Redbelt but where are de rest ?

Come on Bahraini's. Give a shout out here an show no hard feelings.

244

Football / TV coverage east of Greece

« on: October 31, 2005, 03:05:42 AM »

Found out this weekend the game on the 12th will be shown on Dubai TV and some other Asian channels, so you guys on this side of the world hook up to any network that carrys Lebanese TV programs and the like, you will get it
VB, might be more difficult for you because Turkey is also in playoffs.
For all Trinis in Georgia, the hangar bar in tbilisi will be open from 3.00 am and the game will be shown on two big screen tv's.
Come early because the english, scots, welshmen, americans and the indians have all said they will be there  offering support , they all have their favorite warrior except the indians who just like Lara and viv richards.
Added incentive to attend the game viewing. 2 bots of Caroni puncheon rum to be won for anybody who can say 3 like me

245

Jokes / What ah smell !!!

« on: October 27, 2005, 07:59:11 AM »

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold
night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of
the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly
frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm,
and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and
warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used
to beat him with died at the scene.

246

Jokes / GUTS and BALLS

« on: October 27, 2005, 01:52:33 AM »

Guts and Balls



Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the men, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:

"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"



Balls - is coming home late after a night out, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say,

"You're next, fatty."

247

Football / Latapy vibesin up in Scotland

« on: October 26, 2005, 11:27:24 PM »

Check how many times Latas name call in this report.


Inverness CT 0-3 Falkirk 
 
Home not sweet for Brewster
Hughes praise for 'striker' Latapy 
Falkirk head coach John Hughes' sweeping changes worked wonders as they left Caledonian Stadium with three points after a deserved win.
Russell Latapy was the architect, setting Steven Thompson clear for the striker to deliver a clinical finish.

Bairns goalkeeper Matt Glennon denied Caley Thistle's Barry Wilson and Dennis Wyness with fine saves.

But Latapy set up Darryl Duffy for a second on the break and Pedro Moutinho drove in the third in stoppage time.

Falkirk captain Craig Ireland returned after suspension to replace the injured head coach after the defeat at home to Dundee United.

Stephen O'Donnell, Neil Scally and Craig McPherson came in for Vitor Lima, Ryan McStay and Alan Gow.

The revamped line-up threatened first, Russell Latapy powering a drive across the face of Mark Brown's goal that narrowly flew past the far post.

Barry Wilson broke clear for unchanged Caley Thistle but placed his well-hit shot from the edge of the box straight at Falkirk goalkeeper Matt Glennon.

Dennis Wyness tried his luck from distance with a shot that drifted just past Glennon's left-hand post before Falkirk took the lead.

Latapy delicately chipped a pass over the top of a static Inverness backline and Thomson kept his nerve to calmly drive a low shot past Brown and in off the far post.

Latapy forced Brown into a good, low, diving save from a free kick.

Richie Hart sent a disappointing header straight at Glennon following a Ross Tokely cross.

Wyness headed wide from a Wilson cross as Caley Thistle again failed to equalise before the break.

Striker Wyness tried to drive the ball from an acute angle through the legs of Glennon shortly after the break, but the Bairns' keeper made a good block to keep his side in front.

Wilson was sent clear by Munro. But, with only Glennon to beat, the former Livingston midfielder flashy chip drifted wide of the far post.

Sub Graham Bayne was denied an equaliser by a superb tackle from Tiago Rodrigues.

Inverness were hit on the break when Latapy played a one-two that allowed Duffy to curl the ball around the dive of Brown into the far corner of the net.

Lima sent Moutinho clear for the third, the striker cutting inside the despairing Dods before beating Brown with a low finish from 12 yards out.

 

248

Jokes / Dis one is fuh granfadder

« on: October 26, 2005, 05:42:21 AM »

Devil in Church

People were in their pews talking at church.  Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked
"Nope, sure ain't" said the man
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?"  asked Satan
"Don't doubt it for a minute", returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying AGONY for all eternity?"
"Yep", was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked  Satan
"Nope", said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
 

249

Football / Wait nuh? Is latapy de oldest man to play for T&T

« on: October 26, 2005, 05:31:07 AM »

Flex you going tuh have to help mih wid this one, because ah know where Tallman living have no current and like dey using T&TEC in Florida because ah here on CNN this morning it go take a month for dem to get back current

250

Jokes / Old catholic joke

« on: October 25, 2005, 05:45:15 AM »

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest (Carlos).
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed,Carlos took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick it up.


Then, all the other bells started to ring..........

251

Football / What is de difference ?

« on: October 25, 2005, 05:24:41 AM »

What is the difference between this qualifying campaign and say 1989 ?

1. In 1989 the team had I believe just one professional (Yorke) playing in Europe. All the rest of guys were either playing for teams at home or were in the US.
The disadvantage with this was, the guys were being celebrated and feted all over the country before the last game against the US . This to me was a major distraction. We do not have that circumstance with this team.

2. Following with the above, the fact that all of the players now make their living playing football means there is a high level of football discipline and professionalism.

3. Whilst Gally is a personal friend of mine and a man I have lots of respect for, he did not have the kind of credentials that we now have in Beenhaker, simply put this coach has taken us to a next level.

4. In 1989 we did not have the experience of 1989 to fall back on, by this I mean there were no mistakes at this juncture in our qualifying history to learn from.

5. Bahrain is ah shitside that get thru de backdoor because of ah fifa f**kup.

Now to keep sane and stress free just keep adding to the differences and you will see in your heart and mind that regardless of all the bacchanal going on, this team will surely beat Bahrain.


When you feel stressed, your body responds by preparing to protect itself against the perceived threat. The activity level of the major organs increases, and hormones are secreted through the adrenal gland and nervous system. Acute stress is characterised by increased heart and respiration rates, rising blood pressure, sweaty palms, and clammy skin. Chronic stress can affect sleep patterns and eventually lead to depression.

252

Jokes / Bad jokes, this is de best ah could do today

« on: October 24, 2005, 12:26:58 AM »

How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in a liquidizer.
D you know what 6.9 is?
A good thing f**ked up by a period.
Why cant a penis be 12 inches long?
Because 12 inches is a foot.
What do you call an Australian with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
Bisexual.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
What is red, black and white and can't get through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her back.
What's red and blue?
Purple
Whats red and white?
Pink!
What's the difference between pink and purple?
Her grip
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

 

253

Jokes / Ah Trini ah Bahraini an ah Train

« on: October 23, 2005, 03:37:31 AM »

4 people in the carriage of a train – a trini, a pretty young
blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Bahraini.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark
there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the
tunnel, the Bahraini is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his
cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Bahraini fondled the blonde in the
dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Bahraini tried to fondle
me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Bahraini thinks "I bet that Trini fondled the blonde in the dark,
 but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"





The Trini thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon
so I can slap that Bahraini c**t again"

254

Jokes / Allyuh doh geh vex,is jus a lil Political joke

« on: October 21, 2005, 10:51:38 PM »

Patrick Manning has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the Devil.

“You’re on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you.

“I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

Patrick thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The Devil opened the first room.

In it was Housing Minister Dr. Keith Rowley and a large pool of water.

He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over.

Such was his fate in Hell.

“No!” Patrick said.

“I doh think so nah.

“I’m not a good swimmer and doh think I could do dat all day long.”

The Devil led him to the next room.

In it was Franklin Khan with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No! I’ve got dis problem with meh shoulder.

“I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!” commented Patrick.

The Devil opened a third door.

In it, Patrick saw Basdeo Panday lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose.

Bent over him was Oma, giving him the best shine ever! Manning looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah oui, I go handle dis.”

The Devil smiled and said: ... “Oma, you’re free to go!”
 
 

255

Football / Analyse this

« on: October 21, 2005, 01:52:52 AM »

Some time to do some analysis

Bahrain played 6 final round qualifiers.
Average goals scored per game =          0.67
Average goals conceded per game=      1.16

Trinidad and Tobago 10 final round games.
Average goals scored per game =          1.0
Average goals conceded per game =      1.5

Ranking of teams played against.
Asian group B
Japan = 16
Iran   =  21
DPR =   86
Bah=    55


Ranking Concacaf
Mexico=  6
US =      7
CR =      20
Gua =    56
Tri =      53

How to check difficulty factor by group?
My formula.
Fifa ranking total divided by number of teams.
So
Asia
 Difficulty no by ranking  = 40 .75

Concacaf
 Difficulty no by ranking =  23.67

Now we get to fishs statistical data interpretation (soon in bookstores near you)

 40.75
-------------  = 1.72
 23.67

Factor in goals scored and conceded.

Bahrain  0.67   Tri y Tob  1.  Diff =  0.33

Bahrain 1.16     Tri y Tob 1.5 Diff=  0.34

By my expert calcs

Trinidad and Tobago is 1.72 times better than Bahrain, purely on numbers.

Factor in Coach and Latas

We get ==    4.0 times ( the analysis of these two new factors is a Soca warriors secret and will not be disclosed on this site because of the Mid east invaders)

Rest at ease warriors, by my calcs we are 8-0 winners over 2 games or any exponential variation of same.

Oops

Forgot Panama (or is it Banama?)
Fifa ranking = 78

Concacaf = Difficulty = 36.67

New comparison = 1.11

Factor in Stern John back to his scoring ways... formula still shows 4 times better.

Fishs

256

Jokes / Lawyers again

« on: October 19, 2005, 11:29:24 PM »

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed
>good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked.
>"I want to see Valerie," the man replied. "Sir, Valerie is one of our most
>expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
>"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply. Just then, Valerie appeared
>and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without
>hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to
>Valerie, and they went upstairs.After an hour, the man calmly left. The
>next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie
>explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too
>expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again
>the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs.
>After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there again.
>Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night,
>but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie
>questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
>Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "South Carolina.""Really"
>she said. "I have family in South Carolina." "I know," the man said. "Your
>father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your
>$3,000 inheritance."
>>     >
>The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
>>     >
>1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being screwed by a lawyer

257

Jokes / Golf Lesson (sorry ladies)

« on: October 18, 2005, 03:59:03 AM »

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them is
playing as well as they want to, so they decide to take private
lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees
his swing, he says, "No, no, no, You are gripping the club way
too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?" Asks the man.

"Hold the club gently," the pro replies, "just like you'd hold your
wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the
ball 250 yards straight down the fairway.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. After the pro watches
her swing, he says,
"No, no, no, You're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asks the wife.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing,
and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway, about
35 feet.


"That was great," the pro says, "Nice and gentle. Now take the
club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to."

258

Football / What allyuh think he mean?

« on: October 16, 2005, 05:51:41 AM »

The Sunday Times October 16, 2005

The best has yet to come from Luis’s lot
The World Cup playoffs offer a back-door route to the greatest football show on earth and, incredibly, Spain must again try to tiptoe over the line. By Ian Hawkey
 
 
 
WORLD Cups start in June but modern versions do their best to hint at the parade of nations to come with exotic ties in early November. Some playoffs owe their existence to political manoeuvring, deals within Fifa giving continents an extra half-chance of pushing one of their countries to the finals. Others are simply a punishment.
Spain, who boast the best professional league in the world, are now serial visitors, not good enough to enter via the front door. Australia cannot help knocking at the tradesmen’s entrance; Trinidad & Tobago and Bahrain are enchanted by the prospect.

 
 
Trinidad’s senior pro is Dwight Yorke, who might allow the observation that any man who has conquered Jordan should expect to deal with Bahrain. Yorke’s been waiting for this moment since 1990 when T&T lost out in last-gasp circumstances against the United States.

Neither he, nor teammate Russell Latapy — 37 and still talked of with nostalgia in Scottish club football — will have another chance. Nor may Coventry’s Stern John, who became T&T’s leading goalscorer last Wednesday when they secured their playoff option by beating Mexico.

West Ham’s Shaka Hislop played the second half in goal. Brian Lara bellowed his support. The islands beat out songs long into the night for the Soca Warriors, coached by Leo Beenhakker, who was once in charge of Real Madrid and Holland.

 
 This article has been cut by me, but the rest is about Australia and Spain, so not really relevant.
What does he mean in the first paragraph about political manoeuvering and FIFA deals?
And check dah one about Jordan

259

Jokes / Horses for courses

« on: October 15, 2005, 01:14:08 AM »

man is sitting reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind
him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" He asks

"That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name
of Mary Ellen written on it" she replies.

"Don't be silly " he says "Two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary
Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on".

She seems satisfied at this and apologizes.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails

him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.

When he comes around he asks "What was that for?"

His wife said, "Your f**kin' horse phoned"

260

Football / Barriers not stopping Bahrain

« on: October 14, 2005, 04:52:47 AM »

Barriers not stopping Bahrain
PA Sport

Bahrain's hopes of a first-ever World Cup appearance remain alive, and as a result Luka Peruzovic continues to look for ways to overcome the barriers that lie in his team's path to Germany 2006.

After overcoming Uzbekistan on Wednesday evening - a 0-0 draw at home saw Bahrain go through on the away goals rule after a 1-1 tie in Tashkent four days earlier - Peruzovic's team will now meet Trinidad & Tobago in a final eliminator for a spot in next year's finals.

Despite making it so far in the quest to secure an unprecedented fifth place in the finals for Asia, the Croatia-born Belgian is now presented with a new set of problems ahead of a game that will see both teams traverse the globe in the space of just four days next month.

Trinidad & Tobago will host the first leg on November 12 with the second leg in Manama on November 16 while Peruzovic will also battle to secure the release of his players, the majority of whom play professionally in Qatar and Kuwait.

"It will be difficult because there is an eight-hour time difference between Bahrain and Trinidad, but we have no choice, we must accept this situation and try to do our best," Peruzovic told PA Sport.

"I don't know yet how we are going to prepare, but we have to make a good plan and stick to it."

"Also, it is Ramadan here and the players have to respect that. Plus we have nine players who have already gone back to their clubs in Qatar and they have three competitive league games before we face Trinidad and anything can happen there."

"I don't know if I can have the players before and maybe the Bahrain and Qatar federations can make some kind of agreement to give us the players at the beginning of November."

Bahrain's progress to the next phase of qualifying was achieved after a false start against Uzbekistan in September, when FIFA ordered the first leg of their eliminator to be replayed after a refereeing error prompted the Uzbeks to make an official complaint to the game's governing body.

With Uzbekistan having won the annulled first leg 1-0, the move represented a spectacular mistake on the part of the Central Asian nation's federation while giving Peruzovic and his team more time to acquire an edge to their play that was missing one month ago.

It clearly paid off and Bahrain are now on the verge of capping their rapid rise to the upper echelons of Asian football with an appearance in Germany next summer.

"I knew before the match that it would be tough because Uzbekistan have good players and, secondly, for them it was important to score a goal," said Peruzovic. "I told them the match would be difficult and it was."

"We made it a little bit more difficult for ourselves because from the beginning we had chances to score and we didn't take them, so in the last 15 minutes we were in a difficult position. But the players worked hard and in the end everybody was happy."

"I think we deserved it over the two matches because we played more realistic football and it was very important to score in Tashkent. It was very, very important. I knew a goal would make the difference."

261

Football / Football problems

« on: October 14, 2005, 01:07:27 AM »

Mih pardner call mih last night inna state.
He say after he come half drunk from HC an Steve bar in stjames  he tell he wife dat he giong an name dey first chile germany.
Now this man an he wife having dey first chile a girl ( oh gosh ultra sound an 3D an ting). De birth also going to be C-Section.
Anyhow this how he say the talk went.
Parner : Ey girl yuh watch de game?
 Wife: Wha happen man, yuh eh see ah was sleeping?
Parner: Latas is de greatest an doh talk about Otis, Stern puh down some real wuk to, meh sou sou money is for meh tuh go germany.
Wife: Wha nonsense you on about dis hour?
Pradner : Hear wuh, we go have de chile on de 16th an name she germany.
Wife : I going back tuh sleep.
Pardner: Woman why allyuh so f..k up, man leave ah good good lime in st james with beer flowing free free tuh come home before 4 o clock an yuh eh taking mih on.
Wife : Everynite dis week yuh drink because yuh say yuh cyar take de tension wid de game so doh budder mih.
Pardner : De chile name go be germany, ah done tell mih pardners an dem.
Wife : Yuh pardners an dem making chile? Is dem yuh screw?  Why yuh doh name de chile latas since is only he yuh does be talking bout for de last two years?
Pardner: Yuh gehhing mih damn mad now. The biggest ting dah go happen in dis country history an ah want tuh commorate with mih daughter, an yuh getting on like yuh mudder.
Wife: Doh raise yuh voice at mih dis hour, an how mih mudder come in dis?
Pardner: Well everything yuh mudder want she does have tuh get, if wasn't fuh she an she pressure we wouldna be marrid yet an everyting woulda be sweet like how it was before.
Wife (crying now): So yuh relly didn want tuh marrid? An was is de sweet life yuh talking bout? When yuh was screwing all dem hoe from uwi ?
Pardner: Who say ah stop?
Wife : I going by mih mudder.
Pardner: Doh let de door hit yuh in yuh flat ass.
Wife : Yuh is a nasty man.
Pardner sleeping.

So he say she aint come back home yet but his biggest concern is dat she have de sou sou money.

If allyuh want more of this true life football fan saga, leh mih know.

262

Football / Spare a thought for Guatemala

« on: October 13, 2005, 03:51:44 AM »

Whilst we celebrate our amazing victory over the Mexicans, we should take a little time off to think about the Guatemalans, who in my opinion were worthy opponents and help maintain respect for the CONCACAF region.
Also I am sure most of you would also know that last week there was a flood that caused massive mudslides in the town of Panajachel, killing over 560 people with over 500 people still missing. Their further progress might have helped the hurt.
So do not stop celebrating (we deserve to ). But remember also our nieghbours

263

Jokes / God Bless America

« on: October 11, 2005, 06:56:24 AM »

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing.
 
He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers died in Iraq"
 
"Oh no" exclaimed the President. "That's terrible."
His staff are stunned by his display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits with his head in his hands.

Finally, Bush looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

264

Jokes / The Aussie housewife

« on: October 11, 2005, 06:52:21 AM »

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor.  Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did a splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor.  She yelled out for her husband,  "Bruce! Bruce!".

Bruce came running in.

"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said. "S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up.
"You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobber (his  mate)." They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way, we can't do it," Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B."

"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"

"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples.

"Play with her nipples?," Cobber said, "not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the  kitchen where the tiles are less expensive"

265

General Discussion / What ah did not know

« on: October 11, 2005, 06:07:24 AM »

Things you probably didn't know: 

1)            The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

2)            Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

3)            111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

4)            If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.  If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

5)            'I am.' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

6)            Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.

7)            Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you could find the letter a?
A. One thousand.

            Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

9)            Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

10)        In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase 'goodnight, sleep tight'.

11)        It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.

12)        In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King who gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.*.*K (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that word came from.

13)        Last but not least: In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

266

Football / Football generations

« on: September 16, 2005, 01:41:37 AM »

Tallman:
Help mih here. Did we ever have a Grandfather then father then son that play for Trinidad ?
I know of some fathers and sons, like Spanner and Silvio, Alvin and Anton, but do the footballs genes extend further back? And I suppose the ole talk goig to be who was better ? Father or son ?

Ah gone fuh some days, VB yuh sorted.

J W fuh pres

267

Cricket Anyone / Say a prayer for Justin

« on: September 15, 2005, 03:55:18 AM »

This where we reach now. They kidnapping the young sportsmen.
The government and police like they don't exist anymore


Justin Raymond-Guillen, the 19-year-old son of acting Editor of the Trinidad Guardian Judy Raymond, remained in the hands of kidnappers up to late yesterday, having been abducted outside his home in west Trinidad on Wednesday night.
National Security Minister Martin Joseph said yesterday that law enforcement officers were working feverishly to find the former student of Queen’s Royal College and Maple Leaf School.
On Wednesday, the day he was kidnapped, he spent the afternoon training at the Queen’s Park Oval and buying a birthday present for his younger sister.
His distraught family said yesterday, “Justin is a sweet, gentle, bright boy who has never done anyone any harm.
“We are begging whoever is holding him to return him to us unharmed.”
Raymond said she was “touched” by all those people who sent their wishes and prayers.
The victim’s father, Jeffrey Guillen, is a well-known land developer and real estate agent.
He could not be reached yesterday for comment.
Police said a ransom demand was made, but they did not disclose the figure.
Anti-Kidnapping Squad officers said they were told that Raymond-Guillen was about to enter his car which had been parked outside his home on Sanora Park, Pt Cumana, at around 9.15 pm.
Investigators said they were told that Raymond-Guillen was leaving home to meet his father at Trotters sports bar, on Maraval Road, Port-of-Spain, to watch the 2006 World Cup qualifier between T&T and Costa Rica.
Investigators said they could not determine how many people were involved in the kidnapping.
However, they said one resident heard a man’s voice ordering someone into a car.
AKS officers said the neighbour went out to investigate but only saw the tail light of a vehicle leaving Sanora Park.
It was later discovered that Raymond-Guillen, who had only moments before told his mother he was leaving, had been kidnapped.
A report was made and a team of police went to the home and interviewed several people.
Members of the AKS, led by Assistant Police Commissioner in charge of intelligence James Philbert and ASP David Nedd, also responded and spoke with family members.
Philbert and Nedd are leading the investigation.
It was at yesterday’s launch of the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) computer-based law enforcement training programme at the Ministry of National Security that Joseph said the police were using all resources available to find Raymond-Guillen.
AKS officers also said they were following up on leads which they did not want to disclose.
Police said they strongly believed the victim was being monitored for several weeks by his abductors.
Anyone with information about Raymond-Guillen’s kidnapping can call CrimeStoppers at 800-TIPS (8477).

8 days

 

268

Football / De best game yuh ever see

« on: September 09, 2005, 11:56:03 PM »

After de roller coaster week leh we go back down memory lane and remember de best LOCAL game yuh see. Colleges, club, international (Trinidad vs somebody, at home). For me de year was either 78 or 79 John d vs Fatima intercol replay.
John d had man like, Clayton Morris, Hamon lucas,Peru Anderson, Brian Haynes ah full team ah starboys, Fatima had man like Graham Rodriguez, Anton Corneal ah nex Corneal in goal. Was the second game on CIC ground, Fatima leading 3-0 with about five minutes to go , place dark about two thousand John d supporters trying to fit on the sidelines, police on horseback get run off, next thing  Pugh score, game start back 3-1, referee cyar even see de linesman an dem again,bam de red man score (ah now remember he name ,castellano). Game start back Fatima supporters still laughing an giving man picong, two lil fight break out, Casty score again.
Referee start game again, yuh cyar even see de house Hasely Crawford living in now.
Whistle blow game over draw , people walking out de ground forget which side dey supporting, jus talking about de red man an de bullet Rodriguez had score in de first haf.
An ah only pay a dollar tuh see dat game !

Fishs
J Warner for FIFA president

269

Football / Any games scheduled between now and the next round ?

« on: September 09, 2005, 06:24:32 AM »

Anybody know if the coach going to have an oppportunity to look at some other options , especially in defense by way of some games ?