Yes, I think marriage is counter intuitive. It should not be attempted by those unable to discern things with anything but the 5 senses.
Additionally, things that should have absolutely no bearing on a relationship have come down hard on marriage. Taxes, laws, travel etc.
As a female, I can't pick up my happy arse and travel the way I'd like to because there are men out there looking specifically for said happy rear end. So a male is required to protect from other males.
I can be taken to court for infidelity. In some countries I could be put to death.
Were I to set up shop and invite males to come tess meh wine, I would be fined and/or jailed. Unless I invite only politicians and charged $20k per downstroke - in which case I would have my own kiss-meh-neck column with the New York Post - but I digress...
I don't think one person can fulfill all my desires. I dated a little and figured that out early. My thought at that time was to live large and avoid marriage. Then mister arrived and thwarted all that. He handles all my needs and almost all my wants. At first I wanted it all eh, no lie. Gave the poor man beans. But as you mature, you learn to do a few things.
You learn how to discern between your needs and your wants.
You learn that you too are unable to fulfill the other person's entire world.
You decide which of the unfulfilled wants are deal breakers.
in other words, you decide what is important you.
I'm not a greedy girl, so things and possessions don't sway me much.
As for bedroom action. Such a basic need can't be faked or denied for too long. If you catch yourself filing your nails or putting the mirror in such a way as to see the TV instead, you know you need to re-asses. We don't have a TV in our bedroom, so I good.
If my husband was like either man you described, I would leave him. In fact, I'd never get married to him unless he pretended. That's another problem. Too many of us - both male and female - lie to get into bed/marriage even parenthood. In a case like that, the marriage would fall apart. Sadly, many do.
Lucky for me, mister and I have grown together as time passed. Not all of us are that fortunate.
He can drevay if he wants to. I don't own him. I can drevay too but I can't see anyone coming that good..uhmm...pardon the pun.