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Topics - Lil Jodie P

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Jokes / d horner man
« on: November 20, 2006, 11:53:44 AM »
One day Port of Spain was flooded out due to heavy
>"South people" got to leave work early.
> A young man egarly rushed home to be with his
>equally youthful wife.
>As he pulled up on his driveway, he braved the
>thunderous rain and darted
>into his house.
>To his dismay, his wife's "horner-man" ran outside
>to get away.
>The young husband walked up to his wife and "buss
>two slap in she ass."
>Crying "bucket-ah-drop" she said, "Why yuh slap meh
>S he continued... "Dat is d man who buy dem shoes on
>yuh foot.
>Dat is d man who doz help me pay d bills. Dat is d
>man who pay down on d car
>u drivin."
>Totally enraged the husband replied,
>"Dat is exactly why ah friggin slap yuh... yuh go
>hav d man runnin in d

Jokes / Little Black Riding Hood
« on: November 20, 2006, 07:10:22 AM »
Little Black Riding Hood was getting ready to visit her
grandmother her mother said,
"you'd better not go out tonight, little black riding hood
because the big bad wolf is out and you know what  he'll do:
He'll lift up your little black dress, pull down your little black
panties, and screw your little black ass off Little Black Riding
Hood pulled out a shotgun and  said, "Don't worry mother,
"I've got it covered."

So she was walking through the forest when she came across
the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and
said "You  shouldn't be out tonight, Little Black Riding Hood!
The Big Bad Wolf is out and you know what he'll do if  he catches
you. He'll lift up your little black dress, pull down your little  black
panties, and screw your little black ass off, She pull out out the
shotgun and said "Don't worry  boys I got it covered!"
As she continued on through the forest,she came across  the Big
Bad Wolf and he said "You shouldn't have come out tonight, little
Black Riding Hood becauseYou know what I'm going to do. I'm
going to lift up  your little black dress, pull down your little black
panties, and screw  your little black ass off.

She lifts up her little black dress, pulls down her  little black panties
lays down on her back with her legs apart, points the  shotgun at
him and says,

"Nah, motha f**ker! You're going to eat me like the  book says............"

Jokes / Cannibals
« on: November 20, 2006, 07:07:01 AM »
Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity,

            "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."

            The cannibals promised they would not.

            Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

            The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."

            After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

Jokes / the wedding night
« on: November 14, 2006, 07:42:59 AM »
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting   
>> >>   
>> >>married within a short time period. Because  Mom was a bit   
>> >>   
>> >>worried about how their sex life would get started, she made   
>> >>   
>> >>them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a   
>> >>   
>> >>few words on how marital sex felt. 
>> >>   
>> >>The first daughter sent a card  from Hawaii two days after the
>> >>wedding.
>> >> 
>> >>The card said nothing but "Nescafe".  Mom was puzzled at first,
>> >>then
>>went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.  It said:
>> >>"Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her
>> >>daughter. 
>> >>The second daughter sent the card from Vermont a week after the
>> >>wedding and the card read: "Benson & Hedges".  Mom now knew to
>> >>straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
>> >>& Hedges package "Extra Long. King Size".
>> >>She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her
>> >>daughter. 
>> >>The third daughter left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean.  Mom
>> >>waited for a week......... Nothing.  Another week went by and
>> >>still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
>> >>Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "BWIA".
>> >>Mom took out her latest Guardian magazine, flipped through the
>> >>pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BWIA.  The
>> >>ad said:"Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."   
>> >>Mom fainted.


Jokes / true trini love!!!
« on: November 13, 2006, 09:42:49 AM »
how do I love dee.... let me check the ways....
you are the aloo in my pie d channa in my doubles.
I love you and I love you dearly! you are the salt fish in my buljol
you are the coconut in my sweetbread yuh is d golden ray in my life
just like piece of curry goat head I will love you till I dead
you are the oil in my choka d dumpling in my soup
I love you more than play whe yes I love you bad fuh tru
like a roti and a red solo we are meant for each other
 i'll be always close to you sweet like d sugar in your tea
i'll do anything for you you are the sauce in my stew & hot like fresh hops.
in my arms I love to hold you just like a glass of rum
I will stick to you like evo-stick & like gossip and badmind I'll be everywhere you go
 cause you are my puhlorie and I know I am your chutney,
when u call i will come running like a thief on d beetham
oh my pepper sauce yuh sweet like sawine
when my hands caress your body you feel just like a loya of flour
you are sweeter than a snowcone I will give you all I own
you are sweeter than a barfi & soft like piece of pone
 no one can take me away from you not in this life or death
cuz my TRINI gul/bai I love u more than Panday love the IMF(International Monetary Fund)

Jokes / best short joke of the year
« on: November 10, 2006, 10:44:34 AM »
A five-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom",  he asked,  "are these my brains?"

"Not  yet,"  she  replied.

Jokes / Trini
« on: November 10, 2006, 07:54:45 AM »

Takes Place in Barbados

     A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is Bajan . She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Bajan too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Charlene has not gone along with the crowd.

     The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not Bajan ." "Then", asked the teacher, "What are you?". Im a proud Trini ." boasts the little girl.

     The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asked Charlene why she is a Trini . "Well, my mom and dad are Trini ,  so i am Trini too."

     The teacher is now  angry. "Thats no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

     A pause and then a smile. "Then," says Charlene "I would be a Bajan ."








1) Trini Carnival - The greatest Show on Earth

2) Dwight, Brian, Wendy, Machel, Ato

3) Steel pan gone Worldwide

4) We does talk english good n ting

5) Is the land of holidays

6) Liming is the National Pastime

7) We perfected Bacchanal

8) Everybody know everything

9) All ah we is One

10) Food...'nuff said

Trini Slang

Trini to English

1) Gopaul luck eh Seepaul luck = the luck you have or encounter will not be the same as another person

2) Ah fed up = To be tired of a situation

3) Yuh like ah tic = You are annoying, You nag all the time

4) To harras = to bug or annoy someone whil he/she is busy

5) Meh head hot = I have much on my mind, Plenty worries

6) Ah eh payin' tax fuh meh mout' = freedom of speech

7) Yuh luk fuy dat = You deserve dat

                              and WAYYY too much more tuh write



Jokes / psychology of caribbean people
« on: November 08, 2006, 08:27:26 AM »

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a
>beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
>a) 2 Jamaican men and 1 Jamaican woman
>b) 2 Trinidadian men and 1 Trinidadian woman
>c) 2 Guyanese men and
1 Guyanese woman
>d) 2 Bajan men and 1 Bajan woman
>e) 2 Antiguan men and 1 Antiguan woman
>f) 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
>g) 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
>One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was
>* One Jamaican man killed the other Jamaican man for the Jamaican woman.
>* One Trinidadian man kidnapped the Trinidadian woman and asked the
>other Trinidadian man for
the ransom.
>* The two Guyanese men have a strict weekly schedule of when they
>alternate with the Guyanese woman.
>* The two Bajan men are sleeping together, and the Bajan woman is
>cooking & cleaning for them.
>* The two Antiguan men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long
>look at the Antiguan woman, and they
started swimming.
>* The two Chinese men are talking to all the other men on the Island
>trying to sell them the Chinese woman.
>* The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to
>the Indian woman.

Jokes / no teeth!
« on: November 08, 2006, 07:41:25 AM »
A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right
the dressing room door. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just
when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a
mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you
that women have teeth down
there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his
stars he didn't get bitten.
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing
all women have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a
One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a
little action.
After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You
you could go a little further if you want." "What do you mean?" he asks.
"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to
"HELL NO," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!" "Don't be
she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!" "Yes, there
he says, "my Mom told me so."
"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."
With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have
down there." "Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her
throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth
The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the
condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

General Discussion / WTF going on with people in the world today?
« on: November 07, 2006, 11:02:07 AM »
Be warned... do not read if you have just eaten or have a weak stomach!

>>> >

>>> >##########################################

>>> >

>>> >About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson

>>> >started her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she

>>> >had started to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch. 

>>> >Sarah worked as an advisor in a call centre and had recently received a

>>> >final warning about her poor attendance record. To keep her job, she

>>> >tried to ignore the itch and got on with answering customers calls.  At

>>> >11:25am she reported to her boss that she suffering from severe

>>> >abdominal pain and it was only when she collapsed in her own vomit that

>>> >he called for an ambulance.  She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital,

>>> >Texas where doctors discovered that her vagina was greatly swollen and

>>> >her labia had distended to three times normal size. Whilst cleaning the

>>> >inflamed area, a tampon was found and it was sent away for analysis. 

>>> >Suspecting Toxic Shock Syndrome, Sarah was kept under close observation

>>> >until her condition was no longer critical. One week later the Lab

>>> >results on the tampon arrived and doctors were baffled to find that it

>>> >contained traces of wasp venom.  It transpires that Sarah was having an

>>> >affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her husband Mr Henry

>>> >Jenson found out, he was so  enraged he wanted revenge. Knowing his

>>> >wife was allergic to insect stings, he purchased wasp venom through a

>>> >biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with the

>>> >venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.

>>> >#########################################

>>> >In March 1997,

>>> >Brian Crenshaw, a chemical engineer from West London, returned to the

>>> >UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work at a

>>> >biochemicals plant in Nigeria.  During his first week back, his wife

>>> >complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian

>>> >suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure

>>> >changes experienced during his flight.  Over the next two weeks,

>>> >Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel tickling sensations

>>> >deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by loosened ear wax,

>>> >he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.  When he pressed

>>> >it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the pen

>>> >covered in a yellow goo.  He went to his local GP claiming had

>>> >punctured his ear drum. The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a

>>> >pair of tweezers and pulled out what appeared to be an insect antenna.

>>> >During the examination Brian was horrified to learn that he had a total

>>> >of 5 African cockroaches living in his head. Four cockroaches were

>>> >alive and one cockroach was dead, presumably crushed by Brian's pen

>>> >attack.

>>> >An investigation revealed that when Brian was in Nigeria, a female

>>> >African cockroach must have laid numerous eggs in the toiletries bag

>>> >where he kept his cotton buds. When he was cleaning his ears, he was

>>> >also transferring the cockroach eggs to his inner ear where they

>>>started to hatch.

>>> >##########################################

>>> >

>>> >On September 4 1999 at 9.30 am Ron Guptey of N.S.W Australia went into

>>> >hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on

>>> >call examined him, he found severe swelling around the anus but was

>>> >left puzzled because he had not seen such a thing before. Two more

>>> >doctors examined and they too were left confused about what was

>>> >happening.  Ron's health was deteriorating as the day wore on, he

>>> >developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his abdomen.

>>> >The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2.57 pm

>>> >when he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead.  An

>>> >investigation was led to discover the reason of  death. During the post

>>> >mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal passage, but

>>> >as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3 or 4

>>> >black widow spiders in Ron s intestine.

>>> >The police found a tree with a cut of branch along the side in Ron's

>>> >back yard, there were traces of KY jelly and traces of rectal juices

>>> >along the branch. There was also Black widow egg shells found inside

>>> >the bark.  Ron was apparently satisfying himself with this tree stump,

>>> >but failed to notice the black widow nest on the tree. During his

>>> >sexual act he had impregnated himself with the black widow eggs. The

>>> >eggs had embedded in his rectal passage walls and were kept at the

>>> >required  temperature for the eggs to develop and finally hatch. Once

>>> >the baby spiders were hatched they had bitten him and had poisoned him

>>> >from the inside.

>>> >

>>> >##########################################

>>> >

>>> >One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan Da Lucci of Kittery Maine,

>>> >woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had

>>> >diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was

>>> >urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea,

>>> >just out the wrong hole.  She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on

>>> >it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise

>>> >anyone has ever heard.  In paralysing pain, Ms. Da Lucci for the next

>>> >few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning

>>> >tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet,

>>> >white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the

>>> >emergency services.  When medics arrived they found Ms. Da Lucci

>>> >unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her

>>> >bathrobe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.

>>> >The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left

>>> >leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out.  She

>>> >was lying there all twisted up and as he lifted her left leg to

>>> >straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a

>>> >creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her

>>> >genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the

>>> >medic stared at the creature that was lying on  the tile bathroom floor

>>> >in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the

>>> >cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.  The

>>> >horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in.

>>> >When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so

>>> >horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without

>>> >convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud

>>> >shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.  If you think that is

>>> >bad, wait until you hear how it happened:

>>> >

>>> >Ms. Da Lucci official death was the result of a combination of shock

>>> >and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when

>>> >she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her

>>> >head on the toilet and then fell to the floor.  It is believed by

>>> >medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased

>>> >a live lobster at a fish market.  While taking a bath, she had gently

>>> >inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At

>>> >that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to

>>> >flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian

>>> >porn video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of

>>> >the bath.  The lobster was found in the kitchen bin wrapped in a paper

>>> >bag. Traces of Ms. Da Lucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with

>>> >pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints.

>>> >The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in


>>> >The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud

>>> >shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them

>>> >(they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually

>>> >harmlessly boiled to

>>> >death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. Da Lucci's uterus

>>> >whilst she was torturing it.  Maine mud shrimp only take two days to

>>> >gestate and Ms. Da Lucci was only four days away from getting her

>>> >period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her

>>> >womb was the perfect PH balance.  You can imagine the pain she was in

>>> >when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud

>>>shrimp in her toilet.



i just want to know what really goingin society today? this have me real shocked! Lord put ah han!

Jokes / man of the house
« on: November 07, 2006, 05:55:25 AM »
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be The Man of Your House".
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.    Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.
 After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Then, you are going to draw my bath so that I can relax. You will wash my  back, towel me dry and bring me my robe. Next you will massage my feet and hands.
Then, after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The f**kin' funeral director would be my guess.   

Jokes / improper use of prepositions
« on: November 07, 2006, 05:54:53 AM »
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he
is unable to perform
sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a
few things, but nothing
seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an
American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that
said, he throws a white
powder in a flame, and there is a flash with
billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful medicine but you can
only use it once a
year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall
rise for as long as you

The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and
I don't want to

The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner
has to say is 1234, and
it will go down. But be warned: It will not work
again for another year."

Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers
and prowess.

That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He
showers, shaves, and puts
on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne.
After he gets into bed and is
lying next to her, he says, "123" and suddenly he
becomes more aroused than
anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had

His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns
over and asks, "What did
you say 123 for?"

And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence
with a preposition.



Jokes / homeless woman
« on: November 03, 2006, 02:01:27 PM »
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
> >>particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her
> >>for a couple of dollars for dinner.
> >>
> >>The woman took
> >>out her bill fold, extracted ten
> >>dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine
> >>with it instead of dinner?"
> >>
> >>"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
> >>
> >>"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman
> >>asked. "No," I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
> >>
> >>"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
> >>
> >>"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman
> >>asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my
> >>hair done in 20 years!"
> >>
> >>"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the mon ey. 
> >>Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and
> >>myself tonight."
> >>
> >>The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious
> >>with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell
> >>pretty disgusting."
> >>
> >>The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what
> >>a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair
> >>appointments and wine."
> >>

Jokes / Elephant memory
« on: October 25, 2006, 05:51:22 AM »
An Elephant's Memory
>Incredible story about an elephant's memory.. July 27, 2006
>A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he
>was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing
>with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so the man
>approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the
>elephant's foot.
>There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot. As
>carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with his
>knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant
>turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at
>him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing
>but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and
>walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
>Twenty years later, the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged
>son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned
>walked over to where they were standing at the rail. The large bull
>stared at him and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
>The elephant
>did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't
>help wondering if this was the same elephant. After a while, it trumpeted
>loudly; then it
>continued to stare at him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over
>railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
>elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again,
>wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back
>forth along the railing, killing him.
>Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Jokes / trini woman for u
« on: October 23, 2006, 07:13:09 AM »
A Trinidadian couple had only been married for two weeks.

 The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go
Out into town and party with his old buddies,   So he says to his new wife

>>>"Honey, ah coming back now..."
>>>"Whey you goin chunkalunks...?" asked the wife. "Ah going by the
>>>"Ah going tuh drink ah beer." The wife say to him, "You want ah
>>>beer mah
>>>Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12
different countries.

>>>The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can
>>>saying is, "Yah dahlin...but the bar....yuh know nah...the
>>>frozen glass..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the
>>>him by saying, "Yuh want ah frozen, glass puppy face?" She
>>>takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was >>>getting
>>>holding it.
>>>The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, buh by
>>>have those hors d'oeuvres that does taste real good...ah eh go be
>>>ah comin back now ah promise. OK?" "Yuh want horsd'oeuvres poochi
>>>opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different
>>>hors'oeuvres. "But sweet honey...by the rum shop... yuh know
>>>the dirty words and all that..." "Yuh want dirty words cutie

Jokes / Jamaican Sandals
« on: October 16, 2006, 06:47:50 AM »
> A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring
around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed
this small sandal shop.
> From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say,
"You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
> So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have
some special sandals I think ! you would be interested in. Dey make
you wild at sex."
> Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need
them, being the sex God he was.
> The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So, the
> husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and
tried them on.
> As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in
his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink
of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over
a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and
grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
> The Jamaican began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet!, you
got dem on the wrong feet!".


Jokes / poor baby
« on: October 06, 2006, 06:42:42 AM »
Little Tyron's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Tyron's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Tyron's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Tyron told his dad he understood completely. When Tyron looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Tyron."

Tyron said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really
beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Tyron, "coz he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

Jokes / las vegas
« on: October 04, 2006, 10:22:39 AM »
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking
hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks
the hooker, "How much do you charge?"

Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is
worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"


"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"


"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"


"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own
them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They
retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he
just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He
is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy Do you see
that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I
own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to
put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He
can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He
decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and
unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker,

"How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you
something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before
us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy"

General Discussion / ah missing allyuh!
« on: October 02, 2006, 07:02:18 AM »
hey guys...i just passing through to drop a line. have not been on here in quite sometime so i said i will come just to say hi and i miss you guys! i started a new job and the demands at work are crazy! working hard whole day to go gym and crash at night!!
so before allyuh say i forget all about you guys...i had to come and say i miss you all much!...ah still have real love for the board and i still sending people to check it. allyuh people is meh family and i duz still check the board even if i doh reply. hope everybody good and we will pick up soon!
missing you guys much!xoxo


Jokes / different dating cultures!
« on: October 02, 2006, 06:55:34 AM »
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.


First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens

Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized
nothing is ever going to happen.

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend
her two sisters,her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's
girlfriend's mother,her two cousins her sister's boyfriend and his three
kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in
your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana

First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles,
Friends and entire Arab community finds out.

Second Date: Guy is shot dead.
No third date. ( oh Gorm

Jokes / things to know!
« on: October 02, 2006, 06:54:48 AM »
Q : What is the

strongest muscle?

A : Tongue.... Because it can raise woman's hip with just one lick.


Q : What is the lightest muscle?

A : Penis.... Because it can be raised by a woman's lips!


Fact: A woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in pitch dark without looking, but cannot park a 6ft long car in a 7ft long parking space in daylight!


The 69 position is like driving in rush hour, the asshole is always in front of you!


Question : What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Answer : A chicken is the result of a SITTING HEN whereas a baby is the result of a STANDING COCK!


My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still being paradise.


Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!


Q : Why do men snore when lying on their backs?

A : Because their balls flop over their asshole and this causes an airlock!


Q : What is the difference between a black and a white  fairy tale?

A : White begins "Once upon a time......."

Black begins "Y'all mo'f**kers a'int gonna believe this shit......"


Q : What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?

A : When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Jokes / old folks!
« on: September 15, 2006, 10:44:11 AM »
Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night
after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit
and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They
begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After
a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks,
"Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?"
And he replies "SEX!!"
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if
I held gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could
just hold it for a while."
Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers,
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
wherethey would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was
OK. She walked round the senior citizen home where she found him sitting
by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel
have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied,

Jokes / sexual nightmares!
« on: September 09, 2006, 08:08:19 PM »
 After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over,pulled  a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he  inquired  nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away  at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl  replied, "That's me before the operation."

 NIGHTMARE #2>> The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of  a way to rekindle it. One night>>>he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?" "Oh-I  know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she  began to  gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom  to brush his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his> wife there shaving her legs. He exclaimed, "What are you doing  in here?!?"  She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake your >>>mother"

NIGHTMARE #3>> One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are  about to kiss each  other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny  With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against  the wall and  smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"  Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will s ee  us!" Oh come  on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at  her "No  please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody  around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too  risky!" "Oh please  please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you  too, but I just  can't!" "Oh yes you  can. Please?" Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes  on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy  voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job,or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

Jokes / Sisters of St Francais
« on: September 06, 2006, 10:15:43 AM »
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:


He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads:


Suddenly! he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:


His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next
to the door reading:


He climbs the steps and rings the bell.

The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and  was interested in >possibly doing business...."

"Very well my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway." He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through
the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:



Jokes / My Trini Pothound
« on: September 01, 2006, 01:49:13 PM »

A wealthy TRINI man decided to go on safari in Africa. Back to his roots.He took his

faithful pot hound dog along for company.

One day the TRINI dog starts chasing butterflies and before long the

dog discovers that he is lost like dat.

Then, while wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in

his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Oh boy, I'm in deep shit now."

Then he notices some bones lying nearby on the ground and immediately

settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Think trini stupid or what

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Lordy,

that was one ire leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, and slinks

away into the trees.

"Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a

nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it

for protection from the leopard.

So off he goes. But the dog sees him heading off after the leopard and

figures that something is amiss and follows the monkey.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans about

the dog's ruse and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Hop on my

back, monkey, and see what's going to happen to that no good conniving

canine so-and-so."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and

thinks "Oh boy, it looks like I've really had it now."

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to the leopard

and the monkey and pretends that he hasn't seen them. And just when

they get close enough to hear him, the dog says, "Where the hell is

that blasted monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to get me another

leopard and he's not back yet."


Jokes / Jail time
« on: August 29, 2006, 07:18:19 PM »
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,

« on: August 29, 2006, 06:56:15 PM »
A Russian woman
>>A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived happily
>>ever after in London. However, the poor lady was not very
>>proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her
>>husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
>>groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy
>>chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and
>>in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to
>>show her thighs. The butcher got the message, and gave her the
>>chicken legs.
>>The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't
>>know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and
>>unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts! The butcher
>>again understood, and gave her some chicken breasts.
>>The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find
>>a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
>>(Stop, for a moment, and try to visualize what you think she did.
>>Then, scroll down.)
>>What in the world were you thinking?
>>Hellooooooo... ...her husband speaks English!

Jokes / why i fired my secretary!
« on: August 29, 2006, 06:52:48 PM »
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I
>>>>>wasn't feeling too
>>>>> >> >>good
>>>>> >> >>that
>>>>> >> >> >>>morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife
>>>>>would be
>>>>> >>pleasant
>>>>> >> >>and
>>>>> >> >> >>>say,
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>"Happy Birthday!", and probably
>>>>>have a present for me.
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>As it turned out, she didn't even say good
>>>>>morning, let
>>>>> >>alone
>>>>> >> >>any
>>>>> >> >> >>>happy
>>>>> >> >> >>>birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for
>>>>>you, the
>>>>> >>children
>>>>> >> >>will
>>>>> >> >> >>>remember..
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>The children came in to breakfast and didn't
>>>>>say a word. So
>>>>> >> >>when I
>>>>> >> >> >>>left for the office, I was feeling
>>>>> >>pretty low and despondent..
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>As I walked into my office, my secretary
>>>>>Janet said, "Good
>>>>> >> >>morning,
>>>>> >> >> >>>Boss.
>>>>> >> >> >>>Happy Birthday". And I felt a little
>>>>>better that someone had
>>>>> >> >> >>>remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet
>>>>>knocked on my
>>>>> >>door
>>>>> >> >>and
>>>>> >> >> >>>said, "You
>>>>> >> >> >>>know,
>>>>> >> >> >>>it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's
>>>>>your birthday,
>>>>> >> >>let's go
>>>>> >> >>to
>>>>> >> >> >>>lunch, just you and me."
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>I said, "By George, that's the greatest
>>>>>thing I've heard all
>>>>> >> >>day.
>>>>> >> >> >>>"Let's go!" We went to lunch.
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>We didn't go where we normally go; instead
>>>>>we went out to a
>>>>> >>
>>>>> >> >>private
>>>>> >> >> >>>little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed
>>>>> >> >>tremendously. On
>>>>> >> >> >>>the way
>>>>> >> >> >>>back to the office, she said, "You know,
>>>>>it's such a
>>>>> >>beautiful
>>>>> >> >>day.
>>>>> >> >>We
>>>>> >> >> >>>don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>I said, "No, I guess not."
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>After arriving at her apartment she said,
>>>>>"Boss, if you
>>>>> >>don't
>>>>> >> >>mind,
>>>>> >> >>I
>>>>> >> >> >>>think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into
>>>>> >> >>more
>>>>> >> >> >>>comfortable"
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>"Sure!" I excitedly replied.
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >>
>>>>> >> >>>She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes,
>>>>>she came
>>>>> >> >>out
>>>>> >> >> >>>carrying a huge birthday cake -----
>>>>> >> >> >>>followed by my wife, children, and
>>>>> >> >> >>>dozens of our friends, all singing
>>>>> >> >> >>>Happy Birthday.
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>and I just sat there ----
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>on the couch ----
>>>>> >> >> >>>
>>>>> >> >> >>>naked.

Jokes / shilings good for something!
« on: August 19, 2006, 07:07:09 PM »
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you."

The girl said, " NO."

Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story

The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the
boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened......

She said, "The bastard used quarters!"

Jokes / the story
« on: August 18, 2006, 07:29:47 AM »
Little Paul watched his daddy's car pass by
the school playground & go into
the woods.  Curious, Paul followed the car &
saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.  Little Paul found this so
exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home & started to
tell his mother.  "Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw
Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.  I went back to look & he was giving
Aunt Jane a big Kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt Jane
helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Paul,
this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for
supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it
tonight."  At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Paul to tell his story. Paul
started his story, "I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into
the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a
big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.   Then Aunt Jane helped
Daddy  take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy
started doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy
was in the Army.

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